Chaos Attraction

Introvert Needs

2011-01-02, 12:23 a.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

So, the day had its ups and downs after that last post. I gave up and sat there while Mom cooked, put "10 Things I Hate About You" on and she mostly didn't bug me. Then when it came time to go over to the lady's for dinner, and she started hauling food out, her bitch-on came back again. Whyyyyyy can't we talk? Our time together is so short. Why can't you just be happy?
And I sat there wondering if I have just lost all ability to deal with living with someone 24-7 for a week, and maybe it's a good thing I'm permanently single if I can't deal with another human being in the house for longer than a weekend. Then I thought, "Hey, when I had roommates it was never like this, I didn't have to put on a damn show all the time and get bitched out if I EVER wanted some alone time."

Now, I consider myself quite borderline on the introvert/extrovert scale. I can go have fun with people whenever, I don't feel soul sucked at every party I go to. And in general, I can get enough "alone" time by reading or net surfing if someone else is around, but it only works if I am not constantly being pestered. But when I am feeling soul sucked, that's when the desperate need for some introversion time comes in. I don't feel fueled and loved and fulfilled by human interaction in general (she sure does), it's there for entertainment rather than nourishment. Of course, she's a constant extrovert who loathes alone time to the point where she won't go home before 11 p.m. AND doesn't remotely accept that anyone would feel otherwise. I'm her, of course, I'm her clone, I'm her twin, I should feel exactly like she does! How dare I just want to not speak for a few hours? How DARE I not be giving, giving, giving?

Yeah, I really miss my shrink. I look forward to her eventual recovery from surgery because there is only so much dumping one can do in that situation right now.

I was so irritated by the time that we got over there that Mauricio saw me and within five minutes was all, "Here, go in the TV room and watch a movie. Alone." Which is saying something right there. I at least cooled down by dinner when I wasn't the only one having to Make Conversation and Talk and Entertain her.

The movie we ended up watching was "The International." Mauricio thought it was better than The Tourist and after seeing it, I was all um, why? I can see why this is a movie I never ever heard of: it's people trying to take down the world's most evil bank. Which, guess what, can't be done by the law or by a lone rogue agent or two because there are just too many evil people and evil governments and evil money all in collusion. The movie pretty much just stops with no resolution or much of anything, making me think, "What was the point of making this movie?" Though if you are in a "I loathe romance" mood in life, this is one of the few rare movies out there with zero sexual anything going on, so it's a plus there.

I should finish this up soon, she's going to come in and complain any minute now that I should go to bed or something.

Going home today (technically, I'm writing this after midnight). Woo. Too bad I have to do MORE FAMILY TIME (since my aunt decamped for Oregon for the entire holiday season) next weekend. Woo. So thrilled. Oh well, at least I should be able to pick up my new cell phone around then, so there's that.


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