Chaos Attraction

I Hate New Year's, Part 2

2011-01-03, 12:10 a.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

I really hate it when people say that how you start out the year is how the entire year is going to go.

Seriously, is anyone else just having a total batshit crazy time ALREADY? Apparently me and another friend of mine are already having giant explosions from hell going off the last few days. (Told you 2011 was going to be nuts, but I didn't quite think it was going to immediately suck from day one exactly.)

So, yesterday continued to be off-and-on stress from hell. Crying ensued, of course, as well as lectures about me not being a positive thinker. I swear to god, the longer I stay with her the more she devolves like a serial killer or something. I don't know if she's breaking down because I'm leaving, or it's just been too much time together, or... yeah, it's probably because I'm leaving. This doesn't happen every single time I leave her house, but usually by the time I go home after New Year's, shit is being lost.

At one point she dragged me into the bathroom to scream at me about my hair (it's almost always naturally flat, which she loathes) and why don't I curl it up all nice for work? Well, I'm absolutely terrible at curling/styling/braiding my own hair when I can't see what I'm doing. And also, nobody at my work cares. And right, I'm going to be impressing boys with my curly hair either? "You look like a hobo!" she yelled. So sue me, I have Winter Hair and it's even flatter than usual and I haven't gotten to the hairdresser (the one I see is on vacation like everyone else). But hell, what's the point of trying to look good in winter when I'm covered in three layers of clothes, scarves, hoods, and hats? I feel like a waddling Eskimo already. I eventually got her to stop by pointing out how much she wouldn't like it if, say, I went around her house and pointed out every single flaw in it.

At one point she left me alone in the car with her phone while she went over to M's house, and her friend Pat called. I adore Pat--she's as blunt and mean as I am-- and she understands what the hell kind of crazy I am talking about here and agrees with me that Mom needs to get her own life and stop clinging already. Not that this is likely to happen oh, ever.

She was downright pouty at dinner, and continued to bitch me out for not constantly talking to her. Because once upon a time she heard some 9/11 widow say that there was NEVER EVER AN UNEXPRESSED THOUGHT between her and her husband, and she wants that kind of relationship with me. I was all, "Uh, I already tell you everything, AND THEN I RUN OUT OF STUFF TO SAY, so sue me." I do not just run my mouth 24-7 because she wants me to Make Conversation. What does she want, for me to share the plot of every TV show I watch that she doesn't just so there can be noise? I do not get this. If you talk to someone all the freaking time, eventually YOU'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF CONVERSATION.

Then it went to the oh-so-fun place of "Why won't you tell me why you're mad at me?" Because it wouldn't do any good? Because we've had this fight before and you cry and then you forget it? Because the ultimate problem of Why I'm Mad At You cannot be solved because you're such a "positive thinker" you won't accept anything out of me that you don't want to see?

*sigh*

Yeah.

So, when is my shrink well enough to do therapy again?!


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