The last few days at Meg’s were fun. We made stuff, went shopping, went out to dinner, and played the Transformation Game kind of a lot. Meg also got a new tarot deck, The Raven’s Prophecy. I don’t know how I feel about it. I liked the booklet she wrote with it quite a lot, but man, did everything come out a downer when you did readings with it. I can’t say that’s a shocker exactly, but let’s just say I asked questions regarding “what would happen if I did X” and got literally the worst cards in the deck in response to that. Sigh. True, but...sigh. So if you’re into tarot, there’s a slight review for you.

I have been wanting to figure out how to change my life, how to improve it, how to make it different by the end of 2018 (in a good way) compared to 2017. I had two weeks to figure that out and well...as usual, did not really. I worked out some shit in the Transformation Game regarding relationships and fears, but my wanting to figure out some kind of road map out of here...no dice. There probably isn’t one beyond “get lucky and find new job, hah, good luck with that,” though.

On Friday, I came back here to start rehearsal for Gumbo. I was pretty surprised at how this went, actually, because I thought they’d be all “here’s the schedule, we’re assigning you to X, Y, and Z” or something. But no, they were still doing auditions! I went off to the dance auditions again because (I think...) they have something like five different people choreographing and wanting to pick out folks for their dances. Not that I expect to get into any because I don’t know any of those people and I have an inadequate body, but what the heck, dance is fun to do even as a one off. I thought at some point that I was going to put on dance clothes before going to rehearsal just in case, then I got lazy and thought, “Eh...they’re not going to do dance in just two hours tonight, right?” so I did not. Bad move. Oh well, it’s winter so god knows I have three layers on at all times so I just stripped down to the leggings/long underwear and socks and went for it. This was...not out of the ordinary here either, I think, going by the stuff everyone else was wearing. Heck, one person’s always in combat boots for this. I actually felt very comfortable doing this here, because I didn’t feel like everyone was being all super judgy about how I don’t have the right body type and all that. Heck, some folks were bigger than I was so I was all “yay!”

* We did more contact improv dance again, this time focusing on trying to portray “waves” and “smoke” while in a giant mass. I think this is for the “Salem” section.
* We did a bit of modern dance audition, trying to act out someone’s monologue (more or less).
* We did a few ballet moves and turns as an audition. I do not think I am anatomically fit for this one, but that’s all right.
* I thought the girl who wanted to do a hip hop number was going to have us do something beyond a warmup, but uh...I guess not, or ran out of time?

This was pretty much for the whole time we were supposed to be there, and then I still wanted to go back and do the cold reading auditions! So I went and did that. We read aloud from text from the “Genesis” section (I think I am fine if I don’t end up doing that section) and then he wanted us to come up with quotes from famous women. I was all, “uh, sent those in email three weeks ago, what do you mean?” and apparently we were supposed to be bringing them in to read aloud for auditions. Uh...didn’t know that. Luckily these days we have phones and I looked in the “sent” file to read aloud a lot of them, which was fun. I think Sam liked that I ah...had so many? I read off like three different folks (Eleanor Roosevelt, Gloria Steinem, Lucy Stone). He said something about this being like Laugh In where you pop up and read quotes and you’re basically coming up with your own script here.

I am not sure if I am going to end up in any of the dance stuff or not at this point? I think maybe just the big ol’ group scenes or something. I guess we’ll see.

I think the “two days a week” Sam claimed may not be the case. I cannot say I am 100% shocked there. Sounds like rehearsal will be going on most of the time and on Saturdays--so much for the women’s march and hanging out with Jackie and seeing Rent this January, but oh well. I’m not that into Rent (like the music but the characters are assholes) so Mom can take Roger, and Jackie understood. Am bummed on women’s march, but...oh well.

Oh, did I mention it was pouring ass rain yesterday for most of the time? Driving home was somewhat scary, but I did see a rainbow at one point while driving, so that was awesome. I did make it out to Sac and back alive despite the avalanches of rain and being unable to see well at points, so there’s that. Anyway, I’m writing this right before I go to the Saturday rehearsal, which sounds like it might still be auditions? Am confused. Oh well, I guess we’ll see. And it’s dry, so yay for that.

Saturday’s rehearsal was...interesting. It started out with a lot of warmup and a dance class, more or less. Okay, so I’m probably biased, but despite not having done dance in years and years, I think I was doing very well. Hell, I actually found that after stretching, I was able to touch the ground/my toes for, no joke, the first time EVER IN MY LIFE. Yes, I’m THAT inflexible and that’s what I’m referring to when I say I have an inadequate body. Zero leg flexibility. But today? Whoa! Heck, I could even manage the situps just fine compared to some people, apparently. So I feel fine about my fitness levels. After that the class was followed by a lecture on how this is an ensemble production, there aren’t really stars, and everyone bows as a group. Okay then.

This was followed by the announcements of who got cast in roles for the first half, which I did not get. Which is fine since I wasn’t particularly into any of those. I am in the ensemble dance stuff in Genesis (act one) and will read aloud two gender related quotes in Yonder (act two). The people who got cast in dance numbers were all apparently the same eight people for all of them and they went to another room for the rest of the day.

Sam did rehearsal with us on the ensemble. We practiced a way to go around the stage, practiced rushing the stage to “bury” someone and then back out of it really fast (down the steps is...interesting), and did more contact improv dance in “spiral” themes this time. They asked the few in the room not dancing how it looked and some people pointed out that you could tell who was into it and who looked stiff, and about halfway through I got what they meant when I was partnered with someone who was really stiff and not into the big ol’ group grope* scene and yeah, that was weird. I think I’m used to people who have dance training or at least don’t super mind this sort of thing. Oh well.

* yes, this is not great phrasing in 2018, but I’m really not sure how the heck else to phrase what is going on there. Loooooots of touching and circling around and hands ending up all over the place is happening. It’s really cool, actually.

This was followed up by discussing what quotes to say, and Sam recording various people saying quotes, and I guess at some point he is going to actually look at my giant lists of quotes and prune down/assign them out or something. After that, it got a little weird.

Here’s something that is kind of baffling me: there’s two halves/four acts to the show. Sam is doing the first two acts and he has them all planned out and written out on a board and cast. Sarah is supposed to be doing the second two acts and ... we know nothing about what is going on in that other than the names of the acts. I’m not sure what is going on, who’s cast, anything. Anyway, around noonish Sam announced that most people were going to be allowed to leave early except for a long list of names. I was reasonably assuming I was outta there, but mine actually got called. I’m not sure for what though. It sounded like theoretically whoever got called was who was going to be cast in Sarah’s half of the show for dancing. I think this boiled down to “the remaining people who weren’t cast in everyone else’s dances.”**

** It is entirely possible that the other dance numbers being worked on in other rooms ARE what the other two halves of the show are made of.

However, what happened after that is that Sarah left all nine of us with another guy who wanted to choreograph...I’m not sure what it is, exactly. Not quite a dance number. It’s acting out his audition scene story, which was #3 at that link. The guy was to cast whoever he wanted in this number and whoever he didn’t cast was to play a wave or something like that later. However, I was the only one he didn’t cast (which is fair, it’s not like anyone here knows me at all other than Sam so this is not surprising in a sense, and obviously I don’t have a body for real dance to get cast in anything really), and Sarah wandered off to get food. So it was like uh....since I’m not doing anything here at all, can I leave or not? Do I wait until she comes back for more rehearsal? Uh.... so I sat around reading my book and knitting and waiting around for Sarah to return. And when she did, she watched the not quite a dance number and then said everyone could leave while she talked to the guy alone. Uh....I guess this means I can leave? At 2:15, no less.

So that was weird. I just left and went to the gym. I felt kind of loserish and inadequate after that. I don’t know why, it’s not like it’s a surprise to not get cast in anything specific, it’s an ensemble show and even the named roles aren’t like, a huge deal as far as I can tell from the script I saw. Nor do I particularly want anything other than doing the quotes, because that’s what I wanted in on. I don’t know anyone here and I know I have an inadequate body. This is not a shock. But (a) not being the only one cast in that last number plus (b) still(?) having to sit there and ended up doing nothing was just uh, felt a little insulting. Like, I could have just left with the few that didn’t get called, right? What was the point of that? Also, why is rehearsal supposed to go till 3 and then didn’t? If we’re in such a rush to get ‘er done in 2 weeks? So...I don’t get it.

Oh, whatever.

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