On Monday, I went to the dentist.

As usual, it was horrible.

I have genetically bad teeth, it seems. Mom is cavity prone up the wazoo despite brushing all the time ("my teeth are gray from cavities), and so am I. I hardly even EAT sugar. I have gone to the dentist TWICE in my life without having to make a return appointment for at least two more cavity fillings. I know very well I'll be losing all my teeth at a semi-early age, and have since I was six.

Of course, this time was no exception to the rule, though I had many less cavities than I was expecting for not having gone for two years. Two little ones and ... one apparently big one on a wisdom tooth. Which made the dentist and hygenist excited and happy because now I have NO CHOICE but to get the wisdom teeth taken out!

Which I have been refusing to do for a year, having heard horror stories galore (Hill, for example: "I couldn't open my mouth and I had to keep sticking tongue depressors in to open it. I still can't open it as wide as I could before."), plus my parents have never needed them out, plus mine haven't moved or caused me a lick of pain or even made me aware that they exist. Why the hell should I go through nasty surgery and drugs and nasty food moments for something that isn't bothering me just because "my mouth's too small." (There is ALWAYS something wrong with my mouth. Your mouth is too small, you don't floss in the back, you need braces, you need two retainers, you make too much saliva... like I can HELP that one!)

I cried oh, three or four times during the exam.

Naturally, I don't want to have to take a week of sick time off from work for nasty dental surgery either. Then again, I have to do it before I get laid off, right?

Suffice it to say I was cranky like ASS on Monday.

I�ve felt like I can't stop being mopey and depressed and stressed out lately. (Mom: "No wonder your hair's not coming back like it should by now.") Most of the time I have not been able to stop thinking about being laid off again, and going to the dentist, where EVERYONE asked what I'd graduated in and what I was doing now and gee, that has nothing to do with your degrees now, does it, only rubbed it in. Even Uncle Bruce, who came over on Monday and managed to not tick off my parents, made me depressed when he said that they were laying off police officers at Ron's station. (Predictably, he may be laid off as well in the future.) When they're laying off POLICE, you gotta worry. My mom is the only one I know who seems to be layoff-proof these days. How am I supposed to block it out and relax? Nor can I stop worrying about Dave getting a job and what the hell we're going to do about living arrangements next year.

Adding enormous dental bills on top of this? NOT HELPING MY SANITY ANY, MOTHER. I'm amazed my blood pressure isn't skyrocketing like Mom's.

Though I am feeling a bit better today after going back to work. We had a meeting and my boss was talking about having me learn some new stuff. Which was pretty reassuring that I may stick around yet. Nice to not feel so much of THE BURDEN right now...

But still, I need something to distract me from my worry. Something cheap or free, dammit. Which may actually be happening for me, as S&D want to bring Dave down for the weekend on their way to visit Scott's mom. Even if the trip's gonna involve going to the Indian casino (I hate gambling), hey, it's Something Else To Do.

Though now I don�t know if it�s going to happen. While both of Dave�s interviews have well, gone bustola in the last few days, he apparently had quite the time at the job fair he went to today. Found a computer school that looks like it�ll be a better workout financially and has a branch in his town and near here, and he�s going to some seminar tomorrow for another job. Which, in all honesty, I am iffy on. While I checked and it�s not a scam, it is (a) more phone sales crap, and (b) REQUIRES night and weekend work every single weekend (though not both days, I believe). Oh goody, I�ll have to go to his place every weekend and be bored nights too. And it doesn�t sound all that condusive to going to school at the same time. But on the other hand, they offer major insurance if you make it past probation, so� can�t really comment. Anyway, if he gets that job he�ll be working instead of doing the trip this weekend. Waaaah. I need to see him, and I really shouldn�t be paying for a ticket to go up there this weekend when there�s still our anniversary and Valentine�s weekends coming up. But who knows.

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