I hate resigning my lease. It feels like all the ending of my hopes and dreams. Which is stupid since (a) I don't actually have any of those in the first place, (b) realistically I am just not gonna move any time soon or far, and (c) what's the harm in recommitting myself for the next 20 months (sadly, I'm not kidding, they move up the deadline every year by 2 weeks to a month!) when I'm not going to fucking do anything about it? And if I didn't resign it, I'd just be in a horrible pants-shitting panic from now until the fall. But it just bugs me.

I am especially annoyed at the "NO RUNNING ANY KIND OF HOME BUSINESS WHATSOEVER" clauses they put in there. Like, you can't even store anything that you might want to sell at any point in time in your apartment now, that's in the lease.. Really, people? Really? What on earth is that hurting? It really pisses me off that they did that and I find it really objectionable that this is in a lease. I'm fine with "don't smoke or do drugs" stuff, that's reasonable, but what the hell is a home business shipping crap off on eBay gonna harm for you? If I started running a craft booth once a month (note: not in the home) and had stuff to sell sitting in my house the rest of the time, that's bad? Really??? Every time I see that in the lease now, I start seeing red.

But. It's not like I am actually going to start running my own business out of my home any time soon or far. I hated trying to do it back in the day. Is it worth it to me to not renew the lease and have to move out over that one specific issue when I am 95-99% probably not gonna have this be any kind of problem, just so I can preserve the option? No, it's not.

And so I sign, just so I can be left alone for the next eight months.

Regarding yesterday's entry, I found this:

"We all know that handful of talented people with no drive to do anything special with that talent. Or they want to do something with it, but either never do or squander it floundering on �wastes of time.�

*raises hand*

"For us, watching these people slog through life is painful. We want to help them. We try to convince them they can do it. We try to hand feed them ambition in tiny bite-sized bits. �Yumm! Ambition tastes good!� we tell them. �Try a bite!� We beg them, laying out the steps they need to take to get started, but you can�t teach ambition. Their ambition can be lit two different ways: This person can see your ambition and copy it. If they mimic ambition enough, change is possible. You can scare a person into being ambitious. Some coaches, teachers or parents may do this. However force-fed ambition is rarely sustained."

You know, this is a good point. I don't really know anyone who IS ambitious, when you think about it. Unless we count management/execs at work, but frankly, it's not like anyone really talks about this sort of thing. Could be my location. My relatives don't tend to be super ambitious either for the most part.

I think this guy (from here!) on page two also has a point:

"Ambition is energy and determination," he says. "But it calls for goals too. People with goals but no energy are the ones who wind up sitting on the couch saying 'One day I'm going to build a better mousetrap.' People with energy but no clear goals just dissipate themselves in one desultory project after the next."

And that latter one is me....just look at my craft blog. I mean, really, I"m working on six different knitting projects at once. Two Christmas sweaters, a third intarsia sweater, a pillow, a vest, and legwarmers. The latter two of which I am trying to do for the Ravellenic Games at the same time, which is ridiculous because both projects would take me about two weeks if I was only working on them exclusively. Sheesh.

Hey, we haven't had a Dumb Driving Story in awhile, have we?

Here's my moment of stupid from last night: I was home doing the laundry and realized that uh....I was apparently about out of toilet paper and I stupidly bought more paper towels rather than toilet paper last week and didn't notice. Oops. Well, I live about three blocks-ish from the nearest grocery store, but I decided that since walking down the street at night with a giant pack of toilet paper is kinda awkward, I might as well use my car for that.

Except...it wasn't even 9 p.m. yet, and it wasn't even that cold outside, but my car had fogged over but mightily. And somehow trying to defog it wasn't working. I thought, "eh, it's three blocks, I can make it," but I still ended up pulling over and trying to defog some more at some point, and I think I nearly hit things a few times, and one cat running across the street got very lucky. It was ridiculous how I could not get that front windshield clear, despite my trying to clean it off several times, driving around with the car windows down, etc. Yikes.

After I got home, I had about ten more minutes to wait on the laundry load, so after reading various instructions about how to defog a car on the Internet, I went back out there and just sat there trying to defog the car. I also read my car manual again and found that the defroster button apparently only defogs the BACK window. Which it did very nicely, mind you, but my front window was still about 75% fogged over.

I tried running cold air. I tried running hot hair. I read the manual and found what the "optimum defrost" was--put the AC on AUX, put the middle button on what looked like a defrost setting, put the heat/air in the mushball middle. It...sorta got less worse? But the fog did not clear out very well. Now I'm terrified of what's going to happen when I am driving home late or in the early morning to and from the con this week if I can't see to go. Ack, something else to bloody worry about.

I called Mom to basically say that defrosting is hard, yo. The instructions on the Internet are confusing as hell too.

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