Chaos Attraction

The Middle Of Cataclysmic Events

2011-05-02, 9:02 a.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

So I have had Things Going On in the last month, but since they are about work, I can't talk about them as yet. Which is irritating, especially for my little sidebar timeline thing. I may just have to add some things retroactively or something.

But something happened at work that has actually gone official, so I'm going to talk about it: surprise, my boss just quit! There's the shocker of the week. We're not sure if he found another job (let's just say that with his life situation, WE HOPE SO) or what, but surprise! And in retrospect, it does kind of make me think, "Huh, I guess that's why not much was happening here in the last couple of months, and why I thought he was never going to get around to having a birthday lunch in April."

I don't know what is going to happen after this. I'm assuming there will be more wheel-spinning around here, but that's been going on for months with no end in sight, so that's not news. I assume we'll be temporarily passed off to a higher supervisor for a few months again while they debate whether or not to hire someone else to do it. I'd prefer the project getting handed off to our remaining analyst because she's awesome, but she might not have their qualifications for it, so I don't know. Of course, nobody knows anything at all whatsoever any more other than cuts are guaranteed, layoffs are guaranteed, and you should expect to be laid off and enjoy your job while you still have it anyway. One way or another, I am circling the drain.

I have been Living In Fear for so long. It's been over two years by now. Two summers ago, the furlough news was coming out and the entire office was pretty much shitting itself in fear. Like this year, I resolved to not go on an actual vacation so if they got rid of me, they'd have to pay up for it. Last year, the fear actually started to wind down, once people started going off of furloughs (or in my case, I went off my docked hours), but obviously we're all back at it again, except this time it's worse and we're all going to get canned one way or another because they will no longer be bothering with "stalling tactics." And I was spending the entire month of January pretty much shitting myself in fear.

In February, I started filling in on the other end of work, and started the process of taking buttloads of classes for work, and started seriously looking at my finances to see how long I could string myself out after a canning, and I've been feeling better about things. Whether that's a false hope or not, I don't know... though I think also I am just becoming bored and jaded with living in adrenalineville for so long.

I am used to living with a giant fucking anvil of bad hanging over my head (i.e. dad's death) for 10 years. This is another anvil, but this time the cord's hanging over me a lot closer, a lot sooner. At this point I am assuming I'll be unemployed by the end of the year unless a miracle occurs, and well, what can you do? Nobody knows anything and I have very little control over anything but me. So I am relaxing and becoming more fatalistic about it, as I am wont to do, and thus I am chilling out some.

I was reading this yesterday and I couldn't help but agree with it.
"There are these huge political and social changes going on, and they seem . . . normal. Its as if weve been in the middle of cataclysmic events for four years and now nothing is certain, nothing stays the same, thats just the way things are, thats normal, so if Atlantis suddenly rose, all Id think would be, So thats where that was. Huh.


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