Chaos Attraction

Everyone Wants The Dang Love Story

2006-05-17, 10:11 p.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

Everyone wants the dang love story, and I'm sick of hearing about it.

In e-mail to Jess yesterday, I said something along the lines of, "I just wish someone would actually say, "Hey, being single right now is great. You're right, now is not the time to chase after a boyfriend to save you."

It'd be really nice to have that validated. (It kind of annoys me that I want someone else to give me something in order for me to get what I want here, though. I know that's not good.) Instead of people asking about my personal life and then when they hear why I'm not dating, start blowing hope up my ass and telling me I can't wait to find love and I need a boyfriend nownownownownow.

Because everyone wants the damned happy ending fairy tale love story for me. Like it's gonna be my redemption or reward or something, that A Man comes along to save me right in the midst of dying father hell. That something good comes along right at the same time as the drama. That I can't be happy alone.

My life may come across as fictional, but it's not that fictional. Fairy tales don't fucking exist in real life. They especially don't exist, can't exist, in the midst of very harsh real life shit. Life gets in the way of fairy tales. It kills them.

A happy ending's not going to be how this comes out, even if I fall for the next doofus in line. It won't be romantic, because this situation kills romance. Some dude isn't going to make everything better.

Why can't people get that?

Oh, wait, this and this are why I can't ever win this argument with anyone. I'm considered a horrible freak of nature for not scrambling to couple up immediately.

"another thought: maybe romance is important because it points to the future, creates the possibility of posterity. romancing puts you in the human chain, even if the romance ends tragically. not to participate in romance is to step out of the chain and isolate yourself. your story is more important — it lends stature to the characters and the story — if they are part of the greater flow of human history, rather than an idiosyncratic eddy.

or maybe there’s just a deep, culture-wide recognition that partnership is very psychologically balancing. (this is where i think a great deal of the hostility towards single people –especially single women — comes from: it’s an exaggeration of this recognition. it’s a quick and easy way of creating stature in a character: look! this character is whole and balanced s/he has a lover!

Maybe someone should just shoot me already, because clearly I don't belong in this world.


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