Not Our Kind, Dear
2009-11-30, 9:37 a.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
So, another Thanksgiving, same old same old for the most part. A few new folks (foreign exchange student, plus my uncle's sister and brother-in-law). Uncle's sister was the friendliest of the bunch and was fun to hang out with. Mostly my cousins continued to sit around online or went out of the house or something. I finished NaNo for the year because nobody was bugging me. We only stayed there for a day because we kind of got booted out because my uncle's aunt and uncle wanted to come over. Got told that we weren't going to get invitations to either cousin's graduation (we are low on their priority list compared to uncle's relatives). Blah blah blah.
Mom pretty much spent the rest of the weekend crying about how her family, who's supposed to love her, well...doesn't. Not much, anyway.
I'm used to this stuff by now, I pretty much figured out they weren't all that into us years ago. But every damn time she sees them she expects closeness and doesn't get it and breaks her heart over it again and again. I feel like I'm watching a puppy get kicked all the time.
Really, we're just not their kind of people. We're not the sort of people they would voluntarily associate with were we not related. Nothing that she or anyone can do about that. We're too weird, they're the last of the yuppies, they're barely polite to us but that's still a hell of a lot nicer than Dad's relatives because they aren't actively trying to be insulting. At least our presence is tolerated, if not adored, and that's still better than fending off slings and arrows. That's the absolute best we're going to do with blood family.
Alas, that doesn't stop Mom from crying. I am amazed at how many times in the last few years she's realized post-visit that no, she wasn't having bonding time with anyone and no, the kids don't talk to her (they don't do that much to anyone, to be fair), and then comes out of it angry or crying or both. I tried my best to find distractions for her for the rest of the weekend, but last night I seriously wondered if she was going to lose the will to live while driving on the freeway, she was so depressed.
I loathe how everyone's told this whole Norman Rockwell bullshit that your family is supposed to be the #1 thing that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside, that they are the only people on this earth guaranteed to love you because they are your blood, and in real life, it's all an enormous lie. I'm tired of hearing about this damn sacred cow 24-7 and in real life, this is not how it works. This is bullshit. I'm thoroughly sick of it. We don't get a loving family to make us feel good, there's nothing that can be done about it, so let's move on and do something else without any of them.