Chaos Attraction

We Used To Be Friends

2012-12-05, 3:43 p.m.

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So apparently the notifylist stopped working and nobody said anything about it to me and I can't find anything about it. Grrr. Have now replaced with TinyLetter.

I was going to start the vacation entries today, but (a) dear lord, I'm not done putting photo links in for all of them and I'd rather be done with those if I can before I start posting, and (b) I have a slight bit of stuff to say today.

Unfortunately, I started writing this and then got waylaid by a crapton of work (like I said, my workload is OFF and ON), and now I am exhausted, want a drink, and would prefer to finish this thing up before I go to the movies tonight, but feel like I need to drool quietly in a corner and cuddle up with some booze rather than write. FUN TIMES. And Mom started calling work again to demand that I call her during the workday--oh wait, TEXT her, which meant I had to go outside on a rainy day to get reception--about scheduling crap. Gah. The nice thing about my old job was that I was rarely bugged when I was in a bad mood, or an antisocial mood, or a "leave me alone for the next hour so I won't rip your head off if you ask me something, 'cause I need to detox from people" mood. Normally that feeling wears off by around 11 a.m., but since the day started getting stressy around 9, not so much.

I heard from Merry asking if I could come to dinner before we went to class last night. Huzzah! Caught up on some things, grumbled about Mom behavior, etc. She was very encouraging about stuff, and it was nice to hear how she was doing, since I don't get to find out as much any more. We also had a very tasty pasta-y dinner. Then we went to the last night of class.

I don't know if I've clarified this for several years, so I'll explain: Our ex-friend, who is more of a circumstantial friend now, teaches two classes in a row periodically. She used to do it fall through spring, then skipped a year, then did it in fall only last year. The first class is a "hippie 101" sort of thing, the second is a "whatever the heck she wants to teach" sort of thing. This year we were learning about the various practices of other cultures--Tlingit, Egyptian, Scottish, Irish, Haitian vodou....yeah it was varied but interesting.

Merry and I and my old entire friend group met through that class. Even though most of that group has Moved On and/or Moved Away, she and I still attend the 101's every time they run, and I attend the second class (after that, well, Merry has to go back home to husband drama). This year, the teacher co-taught with another member of our old group.

The two teachers and the fiancee of one of them have started their own private offshoot group, which Merry and I are NOT invited to. As far as we know, it's because the fiancee stopped liking us--but fuck if I know exactly, especially when the fiancee sometimes comes to things we're at. They'll never tell and I'll never know. But when they bring up their group-ness in front of us, it's like...what the hell are we supposed to say, or do, or react to that?

When we're all in the same room together, it's like things never changed...except for a lack of getting together outside of class time any more. I truly don't know what I am supposed to make of this shit. It's like we got booted out of the popular crowd--or at least, we no longer get invited to their parties, but they'll hang out with us at school if we're around.

For the 101 class, I'd say maybe around half of the attendees this quarter were people who had taken it before and just like to hang out with this crowd, and the other half were newbies. On the last night of class, some of the oldsters and all of the newbies didn't show up, which kind of threw off the plans for the night. So it ended up being a "shoot the shit" gabfest for a few hours. It was those three, Merry and I, and one other fellow who wasn't in our group before but has hung out with all of us enough to be pretty chummy during class time. We talked about dumb shit we'd done, attending the hippie con (I miss those days...but getting a hotel near that con is godawful and now I can't stay at any of these people's homes nearby it, so....GRRRRRR.), who likes vs. hates San Francisco, and people made vague comments about reuniting later that will probably never happen. I wish, but.... yeah.

I wish I comprehended where those friendships have gone to. What level of friendship it is, what's acceptable behavior and what's not. But I don't. So I take the hint and figure that I should go away, unless we happen to be in the same area.


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