Chaos Attraction

Moving Out, Moving On, I'm Stuck

2005-01-01, 5:44 p.m.

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I discovered this year how to best cope with having yet another shitty New Year's at home with the parents: pretend it's not New Year's.

Seriously, if you stick to watching TV off the major networks, and put Harry Potter on around 10 p.m., and refuse to watch Reege doing New Year's Rockin' Eve, and pretend it's just another boring Saturday night, New Year's is suddenly bearable. Watching other people have fun vicariously is just depressing. I'll have to remember that for all my other New Year's.

I am writing this from my apartment, thank God. Jess and co. came to pick me up around fivish. My parents had already split to go to my aunt's house, phew. We went out for Thai food when we got into town and did the present exchange thing afterwards. My gifts to them went over great (we watched Fierce Creatures, which I got for Mike, immediately), and I really liked what I got in return- a headband/scarf/gloves set, necklaces from Jess, and a fake engagement/wedding ring set. Hee hee hee.

Naturally, they were all talking about moving the whole time. They may be moving ASAP, they may not be. They already have a "motivated buyer" who wants the house NOW, Mike goes to work on the 17th and may or may not get to telecommute in a few weeks after that to finish up moving stuff should they not sell the house immediately, they're already packing up and giving away most of their furniture.

They're all like, "Yay! We can get season passes to Disneyland!" and are all excited about leaving here behind forever and starting new lives somewhere new where the weather's lovely.

And I started feeling like I did around Hill before she moved. Watching people detach from the things here, thinking of all the plans that had been made that are going to hell (no driving lessons for me, again), seeing them be all happy and excited to get new lives.

And I can't help but think, "Fuck, my life really sucks and I'm stuck in it and stuck here and I have nothing to be excited about other than craft classes any more." Doesn't help either that I would like to move to southern CA, but I know damn well I'll never have the money to afford to live there. I have no valueable skills whatsoever. I won't be moving anywhere interesting ever short of marrying for money (hah). Then again, even if I had the money I can't move because of my dad. Still trapped.

They did say I could fly out to visit, which I think I might at some point, working out the time and transport issues. If I don't have to worry about paying for a hotel or changing time zones, my going places is a billion times more easy for me to swing financially.

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