Chaos Attraction

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2012-01-03, 7:17 p.m.

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(Okay, since I do owe an entry per day until the 9th and I'm scrupulous like that, this week will be interspersed with last week. Still uploading photos...takes forever...)

Not much going on today. Back to the old grind. I hate how it is when you go back to work and it's like you were never gone. Another cold morning here, spending most of the few nice hours of the day indoors. Feh. Though I slept so hard the alarm woke me up-- something that almost never happens around here. I think I was just enjoying having the bed to myself for the first time in over a week instead of having to share with Mom and there being Issues every time I wanted to roll over. Very peaceful.

I had my shrink appointment today to go over the whole driving/Mom/move or not thing. It basically boiled down to "Decide whatever you want, you have time to decide." Except I really don't, what with the way leases work here. I have to decide to renew or not by (most likely, though they keep moving up the renewal date yearly) early March, I will have to re-sign for a year at that point. The vacancy rate here is extremely small, hence the early renewal thing, and month-to-month just doesn't exist in this town where everyone uses the same lease for the same period of time. I can ONLY move in September-- it just depends on which September.

Realistically, I will probably not be up to driving snuff enough for LA in 2012. Hate to say it, but...I am on the goddamned slow path with that. Unrealistically, I hate the idea of having to wait out another 2 leases for the next 20 months. But unless I get a car and move to one of the small towns here or the city that might have shorter leases-- and who wants to move twice within the same year?-- it's not really a great option to try to move sometime other than September.

Bleah. My gut whines about wanting to leave, but it says a different tune while I'm scared and on the freeway. Gah. I am sick of being undecided about shit already, I just don't know what else to do about it.


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