2012-01-04, 8:16 p.m.
Still debating when to move. No other news here-- dull day like usual. So I'm going to quote a few places.
"And I hate change. I will cling to anything forever rather than change: a bad marriage, a dead-end career, a too-big house, you name it, I’ll hold onto it rather than do something about it.
I hear ya on not wanting change. I think of change and immediately go to "homeless and gonna have to move in with my mother," that sort of thing.
You know, I feel jealous of people who make these big plans and do them, because god knows I haven't done it. I was going to do it. Right now I'm still not effing sure if I will or more specifically, when I will. I was all excited in a strange sort of way and now I feel very adrift and "oh god, I'm never going to get anything done" here. I read the Lucy/Lani blog last year and holy shit, did she have a year. It's very impressive when you look back upon it, but in the moment, hoo boy.
Have a crappy year! No, really:
...Yeah. I may be one of those people. And...I don't like the idea of being in the same place as ever.
Oh, and I did an iChing online asking when to move, just for kicks:
"Cast Hexagram: 42 - Forty-Two I / Expansion
That sounds like a "move sooner rather than later" answer there.
And then there's Morgan's Tarot, where I drew the "Don't Worry, You Can Do No Wrong" card. "In the context of a reading, this card often means that you cannot fail in your present situation. Whatever you decide to do will benefit the project you have in mind. The present confusion is part of a divine plan."
And I had Jess do a tarot reading, which pretty much boiled down to "wait and see."
In other non-news, I should do my weekly driving practice this week. Probably Friday or so, but I'm waiting to find out if my weekend has already been reserved for me for family crap. Need to get together with the relatives and pretend that we care about each other's Christmas presents. I've been told to put the next two weekends on hold for that.
You know...I am not in the mood to drive right now. Bad sign. It would probably help if there was somewhere I particularly want to go, but I'm trying to not like, immediately run to Joann's or something. And frankly, I've been so effing shaken every time I've been driving for the last four weeks that maybe I should just like, rent the car for an hour and drive around town doing nothing much. See if I can get my groove back, or at least calm down behind the wheel again.
I really miss driving with CALM adult supervision behind me as backup. Hell, I miss enjoying driving, which I haven't done so much of the last few times. I'm kind of forgetting how to like it in between the car issues and the directions issues and the hysterical sobbing for an hour after every ride. Followed by drinking.
Seriously, how am I going to do this?