Chaos Attraction

The Shit That Lurks In Your Brain

2020-01-04, 8:17 p.m.

Covering the events of 1/3/2020:

I do not feel like talking about the news today. I can’t say I’m shocked like Meg is (she was calling various congressional offices from the car). At this point I am numb and “that figures” about it. That’s about how I figured 2020 would go: let’s start it with a war!

Today we went out for breakfast at Rocky’s in Felton, which was good, and then to a thrift store called Abbot’s (didn’t get anything) and an awesome rock store in which I got several rocks and color changing beads and the lady running it was very nice. We drove by a Bigfoot Discovery Museum, sadly didn’t stop for that, or at least we drove by it too fast for that sort of thing.

After dropping Stephen off, Meg and I went shopping some more to hit a yarn shop and the Restore place Meg likes. I got some yarn for a portable “purse project” since I stupidly left my mindless purse project at home and I’m down to my complicated cabling project now and that is NOT portable (I tried) and some present yarn for Cameron because I’m not fucking up on gifts again, and well, if she’s not into it, I’ll keep it. Restore has gotten a clothing section in their remodel, thank god, because otherwise that joint is boring as heck for me since I don’t do home remodeling. I found Meg a gorgeous vest that she’s been wearing ever since I showed it to her and said, “No, this is for you.” She found me a love bug, har.

Quotes from the day:

Meg got invited to something called “Fleece Church” on Sunday and declined because I was around, I said she didn’t have to because I was leaving that day. Stephen’s response: “She’s going to fleece herself tomorrow, you don’t have to go to church about it.”

We met a lady in a cool sweater in the thrift store who said, “Why draw breath if you’re not going to have fun?”

Stephen: “I’m a real macho, macho man. I run the printer.”

Vaiva and her kid Hazel and her new girlfriend Nicole came over with cookies (delicious) and a card game called Goat Lords to play. I also introduced them to Baby Yoda, making it imperative to make another one for Hazel, clearly.

“It’s a fungus.” -Nicole on Baby Yoda’s origins.

Quotes that went on during the game:

“Everybody’s so nice in this game!” -Meg, ironically given what goes on later.

“This is goats. Goats are not know for being nice. They are known for ramming you in the butt for funsies.” -me

“You’re my mom, I could be mean to you.”- Hazel as she takes a care of her mom’s.
“I was privately calculating her allowance down.” -Vaiva

“Don’t you go after my fairy goat.” (unclear)

I mentioned that Meg might be more into a cooperative game like Pandemic, though “science is hard.”

After someone tried to duel me for my cards, I happened to have three wild cards that would trump all of that. After I used two of them, Meg was all, “two wild cards, what were your chances?” To which in my head I was all “hahahahahah.” But after I played the third wild card (let’s just say I had a LOT of points by then), Meg played some “atomic goat” card on me that totally took away all of my cards. This is about how gaming goes for me so I can’t say I was surprised.

Meg: “Because her loving friend took everything from her.”
Vaiva: “You know where she lives, right, Jennifer?”

“Why do you want my goat ninjas?” -Meg

Hazel complained that she was “poor” in the game and I was all, “YOU’RE POOR?!”

“It was a friendly game of Goat Lords.” -Vaiva

Hazel finds a pepper:
“Let us know if you eat it so we can watch.” -Nicole
“You’d never know she’s a social worker.” -Vaiva

After dinner, Meg and I went to First Friday at the Tannery (collection of artists’ studios), which was pretty dead because everything is cold and dark and January depression is hitting everyone. We did find one lively lady named Linda who was running a clock making workshop and we got to decorate clocks. Mine is full of glitter and shiny, Meg got a chicken one and made it more...chicken-y, I guess.

After we got back, I started teaching Meg how to make a Baby Yoda (more like, read the instructions) and I started on another one. She has such huge gauge compared to me that hers is probably more of a life size Baby Yoda.

She was telling me about how she used to mail art projects to Stephen, like a handmade Sinatra postcard. “You’re going to marry that girl,” said the postal carrier. Anybody on the planet would like that, so just do nice things for him.

Other quotes:

“I’m going to get comfortable with loving him, and then allow him to come around to that in his own time.”

Also, “I think he’s stupid if he doesn’t love you, personally.”

In other news, Robert called about trying to figure out his and Cameron’s birthday escape room party, which I think is going to boil down to the actual escape room being on the 18th and maybe Robert does something on his actual birthday on the 15th, to be determined later, but everyone can’t go to that one. Long story short, I guess everyone but me got into the 10 minute play festival (I presume Scott and Cameron got into the astronaut one together, of course, since they can’t do anything else on any day rehearsalwise), they got their rehearsal schedule and it’s “intense” and apparently that translates into “we can’t do karaoke any more.”

Can someone please explain to me how 8 10 minute plays require an “intense” schedule? Like they said in the audition that they were going to be like, weekly one day a week rehearsals. That doesn’t make any sense. Also, can’t do karaoke at all?!

So that boils down to not seeing Scott all month except for when Cameron is having a birthday (I know how that’s gonna go and hell, I think I’ll just kinda avoid again while there like I did at Rocky) and when the show goes on. Also I have to figure out gift distribution now that karaoke is no longer an option. Everyone else is having a birthday so I can just do it then (also don’t think I can drop shit off at either Cameron or Robert’s jobs on a weekend), but it would be weird to hand Scott one THAT late when birthday isn’t involved there.

I am debating just driving by the store on my way home on Sunday and dropping the present off and having someone else there pass it on to him (I don’t know if he’d be in or not) and just leave without seeing him, honestly. Except I’d have to go home first and find a gift bag around the house and a card before I did that and I doubt I’d get that done before they close. Meg is trying to talk me out of this idea or at least make sure he’s around before I go over there, but I just feel all weird and embarrassed on the whole topic so “drop it and run” appeals, I admit.

A few days ago my therapist did a email check in with me and here’s a quote from her after I said I won’t be seeing Scott much in winter: “Hmmm. He gives you a nice gift so you’re avoiding him “cause that’s how the energy is going?” I was right: the energy is REALLY going away from this. Of course it is, because it’s January and everything sucks in January. I will be home drinking and not doing anything all month.

I went down a rabbit hole of horrible research after Meg went to bed, because we’d been talking about the complexes women get (well, me anyway) about how if we do anything at all, it can scare a guy off. There’s a billion articles about what women do wrong, ranging from “don’t be a stalker who says I love you by the third date” (okay, reasonable) to tons of “don’t chase him, don’t ever text him first, don’t text much at all, don’t ever text him after he stops texting you because you ruin his manliness” level of shit, and “you got too attached and were thinking about a future and that’s why you drove him away” articles are a delight too. Oh yeah, and anyone my age is automatically insane and flaky. Though I did find one article in which the guy goes bonkers texting and ruins his relationship, so there’s that. I guess.

There was one lone article arguing otherwise. This is a very nice article, incidentally. My rational side thinks this is all correct, but my irrational side is driving lately and keeps thinking all the heinous articles I read are correct because there’s so many of them, most other women tell me to hold off/hold back/shut up, etc. and lord knows everyone’s got at least one story of “I scared him off by doing something innocuous” (my story: I left a message for a guy after a few exchanged calls saying “Tag, you’re it!” and never heard from him again) and everyone knows of someone who’s had it even worse (Mom’s story: told a guy she loved him and he literally never spoke to her again until she got engaged to my dad). So yeah, this shit sucks!

That said, I was amused by this one, which at one point actually says honestly, “When it isn't, you sulk for an hour and read articles like this. Then, when time goes on and there's no text and you were the last one to say something, it's literally torture to know you cannot/should not/society says do not send a second text to an unanswered one.”

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