Chaos Attraction

Long Tarot Reading

2020-01-06, 9:49 p.m.

Covering 1/5/20.

I asked Meg to do a neutral tarot reading for me on the situation last night, but since she went to bed tired we had to do it in the morning. I honestly thought it’d take like, an hour at the most, but it was at least two hours and felt more like three by the time she finally got everything all set up and ritual-y with elements and props (which she gave me later) and having me sit around vibing with her deck. I ended up leaving town a lot later than I expected after that, and we never did finish the Baby Yoda instruction (she told me later she got it done though).

It went a lot differently from the last time I had a tarot reading from her (which was about my ex, oy fucking vey there). A lot different. Like she wanted me to pick a significator (something I’ve never really liked in tarot, I tend to think one should draw a card at random with the rest of ‘em) and I was all, “okay, I’ll pick the Tower, that’s the “me” card in the deck,” and Meg weirdly objected to my doing this and finally just said to draw one blindly. We did the Celtic Cross layout.

I drew the Five of Pentacles for the significator, and then she made me sit there processing it (“and we’ll do it as long as it takes....” Now you know why it took so long) and having to think about it and finally I had to come out with citing the Badass Boast listed here from Buffy about what do you have left when you have nobody else. I ended up saying that this is me because I’ve basically been going hungry emotionally for fifteen years and dealing with not having anyone help me, more or less. So that was not fun.

After that I drew the Page of Cups, which I was quite happy to see. For the foundation of the matter card, I got 4 of Wands (group activities, more or less, which fits). For the past card, I got the 2 of Swords, which is also extremely fitting and my usual behavior. Meg was all, “that was the past, that’s not you any more” about it.

For card five, I got the King of Wands, which is nice, albeit I don’t really know how that fit into anything or related to me (other than it used to represent others in the past). The description on Biddy Tarot is nice, though. For the future card, I got the Sun. Another reason the reading took so long was that Meg insisted on reading from Rachel Pollack’s Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom...all of it...for every card...and to be honest, that ain’t my favorite tarot book. Like I was all, “how much can you say about the Sun? It’s the card of happiness. Literally there isn’t anything anyone can say about it other than “yay, happy! This is a good sign!” about it. Unless you want to make jokes about a naked boy riding a horse, of course. For another card representing me, I got the Knight of Pentacles...I still don’t get that one, really, but it’s another one where the description here works better than whatever the book said.

For the environment card, I got the Two of Cups. “I was really hoping that’d be the outcome card,” I said. But that said, I was happy it was in there somewhere, I guess. The writeup is lovely: ”In a romantic relationship, the Two of Cups shows a blossoming new union based on mutual attraction. There is both a physical and soul connection that leaves you giddy and weak at the knees. You bring out the best in each other and lift each other to even higher levels of potential. The exchange of emotion is heartfelt, and you are both willing to do whatever it takes to support one another. In some cases, the Two of Cups can refer to a marriage, proposal or engagement.” Hah on the last one, but still, lovely.

For hopes and fears, I got the Queen of Cups, which is good and fitting. And as for the outcome card? King of Swords. This wouldn’t under normal circumstances seem like a good omen in a relationship reading, but sometimes when you get court cards, it represents a person, and well, for various reasons there’s definite resemblance to him there, in looks if not exactly personality (and well, definitely name). So...I think I’m good with this one.

After that I finally headed over the mountain (which went well) and tried to stop off at Joann’s in San Jose (pain in the ass to find, NOT on the way at all) and Vacaville trying to find more safety eyes for Baby Yodas, as those were the only two stores left in NorCal that had them. Nope, they were all sold out by the time I got to both places. No more Baby Yodas for me, apparently. Between that, leaving late, and getting gas and groceries, I didn’t get home till seven.

I’m trying to figure out which place is colder: Meg’s or mine. I usually say Meg’s since her place has tons of windows/doors and my current place only has that stuff on the far end, so the living room and bedroom are the coldest areas compared to the kitchen and bathroom. Her heater in the dining room actually works and mine doesn’t at all, but when it is on it will only heat the living room ceiling, so I see no point in complaining about it. Also I live in a land with no snow so I should not whine. But right now, my living room is feeling as frigid as the bedrooms at Meg’s. Blech.

And now I’m back in my regular life again and I hates it. I dread tomorrow. Hell, the rest of the month. And unpacking, I don’t want to do that either.

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