Hyper and Busy
2005-01-07, 9:17 p.m.
I had another shrink appointment yesterday, the last one for awhile. She told me that due to my insurance not paying for any locals and locals being too expensive for me to see, the center she works for could make an exception and let me have more shrink appointments than the limited 5 per year. Which is tempting, but I think I will save mine for a later time. God knows my life's going to only get harder as the year goes on, and I know from the last time I did the shrink thing through school that they only allow you so many "above the line" appointments before you get in trouble for it. I don't want to waste them so early in the fiscal year when I've got until July 1 to get through. So I'll wait until an emergency comes up. Or I
Anyway, it was mostly me talking about the various disasters going on, blah blah blah. She, in turn, asked if I was thinking of taking any vacations any time soon (soon, no, but in June would be nice, if any of the people I'd like to visit then would take me) or thinking of moving, though she agreed that the latter was pretty unrealistic for me. She also thought it was great that I was going to the gym and that was actually cheering me up. Because lord knows there isn't anything else I can do to improve the situation.
And...*sigh* she asked if I was seeing anyone. (Um, where and when would I have met someone between now and the last visit?) Hahahah. Themis and I were having a conversation the other day about difficult/ill/dying parents vs. having a relationship and she said that her sister's husband had told her that nobody should be blamed for their family and HE should be allowed to pick how he wanted to deal with them or not. My shrink evidently feels the same way about it- that you should let the guy make the decision on what he wants to do.
And, well... I don't agree with that. The way my exes post-Dad-getting-sick have chosen to handle it was to get argumentative/get in faces/start yelling that "I'm not going to let them treat you that way!", and that just only made it worse on ME when they were doing that. I'm sorry, but if their choice in how to handle it makes my life even more stressful and miserable, doesn't it affect me, and shouldn't I get a say in how they react? I know I shouldn't be pulling a Peter Parker and deciding for them, blah blah blah, but... dammit, if I don't want them to be involved, regardless of what they'd like to do, shouldn't my feelings on the matter come first because it affects me more than them?
I so don't want to get a boyfriend and deal with this crap again. *sigh*
Did four miles on the treadmill last night for an hour, and am now wondering if I am a sicko because I start out every workout with listening to "Walking On Broken Glass." I also took the "Total Body Training" class last night. It was surprisingly more "aerobic" than I was expecting- a wee bit of step, a fair amount of weights (this time I got lighter ones than last time, hah), and what are called "exertubing bands" (stretchy cord handcuffs, or anklecuffs). I actually rather liked it. Cool.
Though what was I thinking to go try out the scale in the locker room afterwards? Admittedly, it's not a digital, but one of those stupid doctor ones where you shift the weighty bits around, and I have a hard time operating/reading the things for some reason. But...fuckity, I GAINED two pounds from two days ago?! Hell, I haven't even been eating dinner post-gym because I've been too tired, and GAINED two pounds?! Grr. The two hours a night of workout I am able to do, but the weight stuff...not so much.
I also went back to my dance class tonight, and enjoyed it immensely. The teacher said I did pretty good for not having been there in months- I remembered it all, yay. It wasn't too hard at all after a week of treadmill/machinery/abs class/whatall else, too. Whee!
And speaking of the gym again, they offer massages. $15 for members for 15 minutes, mostly around the lunch hour-ish a few days a week.
Heather is around more often lately, and it is weirding me out.
Anyway, while everyone's been over, I've been knitting, and I made the uterus. Bizarre little object, honestly. Though last night after I'd finished all but the final construction, I started dreaming of ways to create a window-hole in it (a la my iPod holders) so I could stick a photo in it. Perhaps that's going a bit too far, though.
I had signups today at the CC, and lord, is that ever a pain. Even though I managed to get back to my office within a half hour (which was good, considering I said I'd go to a farewell party during lunch), it was still annoying. Now we have to ask permission before we can take our free class (Me: "Can I take glass fusing?" Manager: "Sure."), and my signups had to be redone about 3 times, and the computers all act strange there anyway, and for awhile I thought I was put in as a member of the general public instead of a school affiliate (who gets discounts), blah blah pain in the ass. So much for simplification. And the class I was perhaps looking forward to the most, continuing wire jewelry, which the teacher's been talking up for 3 quarters now...got canceled due to some time conflict or other. Bleah. Oh well, that freed me up to take the basic jewelry techniques class by the same teacher anyway (I was going to pick one or the other because the money was racking up to sign up for 5 classes), and I only had to pay $56. Yay.
And for the record, the results of Dad's CT scan were...surprise, surprise... there's nothing newly wrong there and everything looks normal for his condition! We have no bloody idea what's wrong with him, if anything! "Maybe" something with the inner ear, but who knows, it's not like Dad can speak about his symptoms.
All this fucking drama for two weeks for what turned out to be pretty much nothing.