Chaos Attraction

Move Along, Train Wreck

2020-01-07, 9:54 p.m.


I forgot I dyed my hair pink. Responses at work today:

“Your hair matches your hat and your that New Year’s hair?” -BigBoss
“Fun hair!” -my boss
“Like Mal from the Descendants!” -Lisa. This is legitimate.

I handed out Baby Yodas. I got more requests for Baby Yodas. I said I need more safety eyes first.

I also had it pointed out to me that one of our coworkers “always wears black on Fridays.” Sure ‘nuff, she had on a black shirt with a white snowflake on it. She does notably have a mug with cat faces on it that gets happier per weekday as time goes on.

Otherwise, work for me wasn’t insane today, other than getting through the backlog. I had 100+ emails but most of them were “out of office” notices or tech support emails so I could ignore them. Huzzah. It’s winter and I didn’t go home wanting to get drunk, that’s something.

I also found another quilted heart today.

I went to a cardmaking class with Dawn and Loretta, where I met cute dogs (Max the very hairy dachshund was an ADORABLE walking mop), got some birthday cards made, and then there was a Valentine card. I....don’t normally do stuff like that one.

Tuesday (today I'm finally caught up):

My coworker who might have MS (Hannah) was told to call her doctor at 5 yesterday...and the doctor never called. Good LORD. She was still fairly chipper about it (“at least I missed the traffic!”), but I would have been out of my MIND. My coworker who does have MS (Christine) also came in to check on her. We said we have her back.

Christine also brought her dog again today, which excited everyone. I caught Teresa sitting with the dog IN HER LAP, and this is a Rottweiler. An adorably cute one, though. Christine also said that some lady who’d been petting the dog when she saw him for like 3 weeks thought he was a Golden Retriever and once she was corrected, immediately backed away and freaked out. Oy, “bad dog” reputations. We also talked about how she gets gifted with unicorn stuff a lot. I like it (Dawn just gave me more of it :), but I guess it’s getting on her nerves because her husband gave her unicorn bedding and she wanted “country chic” for the bed. Awkward!

I got more requests for Baby Yodas. I ended up ordering safety eyes from the Joann’s in Sacramento, and then they canceled my order with no explanation. WTF?

I got told that the oldest part of my job (data entry, which I’ve done since I got here) is being taken away from me officially in 2 weeks and given to the Shark Tank. I’m not thrilled about that and my buddy in our partner office will really be depressed, but the bottom line is that I need to have no contact with the Shark Tank folks and therefore I have to get away from them. Also, I’m too swamped five months of the year to do the data entry any more. I’m going back with my old team (Tigress and Lioness specifically: does that make me the house cat?) doing records and special programs and we’ll all have to do that together along with my section. I’m not thrilled on doing special programs, but what can you do, and at least I’m not going on the phones unless literally I’m the only one here, whew. We also talked about the international mail drama, which we are both agreed on (why bother mailing anything when we might as well put it in the dumpster, she said).

My cousin Alicia and her husband Travis gave me an “anti-affirmations” daily calendar and I’m loving it. Today’s saying was “Move along, train wreck. This isn’t your station,” and I showed it to everyone on my team and they loved it. Tigress in particular is fascinated.

New boss asked me about plays and when I said I won’t be in another for months, said, “The play will find you, Jen.” God, I hope so. Meg wanted me to start my own improv troupe, but I pointed out that there’s issues with that, i.e. I suck at running things and the potential cast frequently will be already in other shows. I also mentioned to her that nobody may be going to karaoke and she was all, “Now it interferes with your personal life!”

I was having a slow day waiting for others to respond to me about stuff, so I started looking around on the Internet for what the hell one writes in a really belated Christmas card/gift giving situation. I didn’t find much, but this website was rather amusing. Suggestions included:

* ”If you were one of Santa’s elves, you’d be the sexiest of all his elves.”
* ”I know we’d probably rather be spending Christmas locked in our rooms making love and getting wine drunk but let’s do our best not to touch each other at your parent’s house this year.”
* ”You’re fucking hot. Thank God it’s snowing.”
* “All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.”
* “If you keep me around for another year, next year’s Christmas present will be an alpaca. You think I’m kidding. Just wait.”

(I have no idea on the alpaca thing.)

In the end, I went to my old reliable, someecards, which no longer actually does any ecards (wtf?) but at least still has amusing graphics online one might print and paste into one’s handmade cards.

Ones I pondered doing:
* I’ve looked everywhere for the perfect gift for you and succeeded in finding the perfect shoes for me (I’m not a shoe person, but this is usually what happens when I gift shop...I haven’t the faintest what you like, but I know what I’d get....)
* You’re obliged to love what I made you (too on the nose)
* All I want for Christmas is you and the gifts on my list (ditto)
* It must be love since finding you the right holiday gift is causing me debilitating stress (ditto...ish...okay, not so much the gifts so much as the self-flagellation for getting it wrong)

Ones I actually printed out and glued onto Scott’s card (couldn’t make up my mind):
* I’ll never be the Secret Santa you deserve
* I put so much thought into your gift it's too late to get it.
* Your gift will be arriving late or never.

And while I’m at it, someecards for birthdays:

Maybe not....
* I’m sorry that your January birthday means you were probably conceived on April Fool’s Day.
* Your birthday is the perfect excuse to drink on a weekday.
* Sorry your winter birthday coincides with my seasonal depression (true though)
* Sorry your birthday occurs during the whiniest part of the year (TRUE)
* Let’s have a joint birthday party to decrease the odds of no one showing up
* Happy birthday to someone whose party I’m actually not going to try and sneak out early
* Let’s spend your winter birthday getting completely wasted on cold and flu medications

Ones I may actually do:
* May your birthday and Christmas presents not be combined (I may give this to Robert or at least attach it to one of the birthday cards I made last night since unless I see him before his birthday, which I shouldn’t, there’s gonna be a combo bag)
* I’m glad your birthday falls on a holiday too lame to overshadow it (if I see him on or after his actual birthday, he gets this one)
* Let’s grudgingly leave our cozy apartments to celebrate your winter birthday (I think this one goes to Cameron since she doesn’t socialize so much).

Karaoke report:

Matthew was not there and Jim ran things. Sarah said she was going to go because of that, but never showed and later texted me saying that the chaos winds hit her again.

There was another guy there named Matt who sang very well, and he and Jim dueted together on “At This Moment,” it was gorgeous. He also did “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)” to his girlfriend and Ashley had to point out that he was on his knees behind me doing it. Hah. She and I acted out the song. Sue’s response to Matt was, “You nailed it. You might nail it tonight.”

Ashley started an Instagram account for her oxygen suitcase and named it “Freddy.” She also asked me to drop by her job at the Farmers Market on Saturday, I will try to remember to do so since I don’t go there too often.

Janene was there (yay! Never seen her here without Robert) and it was mostly Ladies Night because a lot of the regular dudes were not around. Janene showed me vacation pics from Disneyland, Doris showed cruise ship pics.

Janene on “American Pie:” “It’s the nightmare song of karaoke.”

It was Frank’s birthday (52), so someone brought cake. He asked me to do “Cake By The Ocean” with him, which was fun. He branched out a bit from his usual karaoke doppelganger of Johnny Cash tonight.

Despite Robert’s saying he wasn’t going to make it to karaoke all month, Janene was all, “he said he’d come by later, it’s only an hour.” I said uh, what about the “intense” schedule then, and she was all “he freaks out easily.” I guess someone else is still having intense schedule, because no sightings of him. Robert and Manny(!) dropped by around 9. Ashley sang “Hallelujah” again and then was all, “Hah, he (Robert) has to go after me!”

Robert once again sang “Happiness Is A Warm Gun” (a song he loves and Janene wishes he would not use the word “gun” in) and I caught Janene singing along. I was all, didn’t you used to object to that? and she was all, “at some point, you can’t fight it.”

I came up with the bright idea recently to make Robert a fake gun out of Heat Wave yarn so I could gift him with literally “happiness is a warm gun,” and then thought, “No, I shouldn’t do that, Janene would not be thrilled about it.” Now I’m reconsidering. Or at least debating asking her permission if I do it. Hmmmmmmm.

I did give Robert his puzzle book for Christmas and he seemed to like it a lot, so there’s that. Whew. One down. However, I’m now back to the debate of whether or not to just drop Scott’s off at his work again.

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