Chaos Attraction

Nothing But Hallmark Again

2021-01-11, 5:00 p.m.

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Cast list as of November 2019

I wasn't too pissed off during the day and it was low drama and I got through a lot of the group email box and got other things done that were pleasant. Huzzah!

Literally, I have nothing but Hallmark to talk about:

Bottled With Love:
Abby got ditched by her date at a wedding. Somehow her aunt talks her into "writing a letter to Love" and putting it into a bottle and throwing it out to see.
"This is ridiculous. Technically I'm about to pollute."
"I blame the whole thing on Aunt Frances. And champagne."
The bottle is found. Who does that these days? (Turns out the guy, Nick, has some connection to her work company.) She includes her email: "She's here? In Boston?" And he emails right away. Nick offers to online chat, but Abby freaks the hell out. She writes back, I guess his email is "Real Traveler." I'm suddenly getting a "You've Got Mail/Shop Around The Corner" vibe.
Abby is no fun at work, basically, and giving Nick shit. She doesn't even want to try the ice cream of the company they might acquire. "What if you don't like it?" "It doesn't matter if I don't like it." He offers a $500 gift card and putting a weird flavor into production. Nick samples "green tea wasabi swirl." Yeah, I would not enjoy that. Then there's "strawberry bourbon blast," which is "a Mardi Gras in my mouth!" They have opposite opinions: Nick likes the place, Abby doesn't think they make money.
Yes, this is "You've Got Mail." Her little happy dance on the couch when she finds out that "Real Traveler" is her age is so cute.
I'll say this: I usually think the letters in epistolary pen pal movies are pretty bad, but these ones are actually great fun and personal and sharing, not boringness of sharpened pencils. "I know the type," she says about his coworker. Hahahah.
Wow, Nick totally blew a sale because he called a dude's sweater "ugly." WOWWWWWWWWWWW. "How could I have known his wife had such bad taste?!"
"Wanna be spontaneous right now?" "Uhhhhhh....." They go to a dog petting zoo and agree that they like old dogs.
Nick looks at Abby's stationary and handwriting and ID's it as her. While on the phone with her. And he even SAYS SO and she totally doesn't figure it out even though he just said it. He figures this out right before their date and blabs it to someone else at work, who has no idea what to say other than "Whatever it takes to keep this woman, DO IT." That may not be helpful. He bails on the date, she blocks his ass online. She later unblocks and apologizes. He sets up a work road trip for them to go on.
Her UTTER JOY AT PANCAKES...which he knows to order now that he knows she's the letter adorable.
You know, for all the arguments of "Uptight Meets Wild" you see in Hallmark movies, really, don't you need a mix of "spontaneous" and "planner" in life?
Anyway: they had a great time trying to woo a guy into selling his business, and he points out that he doesn't want his business swallowed up by some giant corporation. Hear hear, sir. This gives Abby the bright idea that Nick should have a business like that. Nick pulls out the letter and shows it to Abby, proving who he is. She gets mad anyway. Later, he pitches woo at a wedding (writes her a letter, gets a dog) and they kiss and it's awwwww. The entire wedding applauds.

"Snowcoming? This is a thing?"
I feel like Lindy Booth should win some kind of acting award for bug-eyed "I was just chugging hot chocolate and it turns out my ex just walked in and said that's my drink" reaction she just delivered.
Anyway: Samantha's dad is some sports coach who's about to retire and her ex Jake works for him and she's just gone home for "Snowcoming" assuming Jake would not be around....much less in the house on a regular basis.
Anyway, they hang out and have a good time. He' s bought cookbooks she worked on and actually cooks from them. She gets the bright idea to save the run down library. Both Lindy and Trevor Donovan give good Hallmark and are cute as the dickens.
Shockingly (not), Jake retires to become the new coach, and has a degree in education.
"I can't go from being the old coach's daughter to the new coach's girlfriend." And yet, I think that's gonna happen anyway.
Also, the librarian and her dad have been "secretly" dating. "You two aren't exactly subtle." They get engaged.

A New Year's Resolution:
Tom the marketing guy, on a bet, walks up to the table behind and tries to guess their NYR's. Let me guess: giving up a food related item? Doing a creative project? Duhhhhhhhh. Except for Kelly, a TV producer who decides to say "yes" to things. Tom loves saying yes and gets all excited.
"I've never crushed a candy."
Anyway: her friends force her into doing a Polar Bare and a race, and she keeps running into Tom from Marketing. She put her phone number in his pocket and said "Your move," and he's all "I'm not asking someone out who literally can't say no if she doesn't want to, I'm gonna wait a month, and also you could ask me out." However, she figures he'll inevitably break up with her once she flakes too much to go to work...and he walks up right while she's saying that. Hm.
"Well, Kelly, what is your greatest fear?" "Magicians, River." .... "Kelly is now levitating."
"This is turning into Live! With Kelly and her worst fears."
Anyway, Kelly and Tom go to speed dating, where their friends pimp them. Kelly finally (at Tom's prompting) asks him out, and then it's hard to fit him into her busy social schedule. Later... "Are you asking me out on a business date?"
THEN AWKWARDNESS ENSUES, the bank Tom works at has a lot of people saying accounts were opened in their name. Twenty people. She gets up the nerve to ask Tom. He's all "if it's true" and he finds it hard to believe. "When the story breaks, you and I can't be together." He doesn't want to throw this out because it might happen. She says it's just a matter of time.
This show just brought up storytelling and story slams. Awesome!
Poor Tom does some fishing on the accounts and .... yeah, sounds like the whole Wells Fargo thing is going on. Tom brings it up with his work friend, who tells him to go to the boss, not to his girlfriend. Poor Tom, I bet he's New Year's fired very quickly for this.
It's Kelly's 30th on February 8 and she throws a Gatsby-esque party (and now can say no to things). The accounts all get closed and Kelly gets mad. Tom feels all creeped out at the bank's behavior, quits his job, and offers to go on camera. Kelly gets offered a job in Chicago. He also somehow got a job in Chicago!

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