Chaos Attraction

Sleepy, Cranky, Whiny, Hungry, And Other Irritated Dwarfs

2003-01-14, 6:56 p.m.

I never sleep on Sundays, it seems, no matter how tired I am. I'm almost always coming home from somewhere and am wired from traveling, not to mention that I want to catch up on things. Then of course I'm tired for the rest of the week. Really, why do I even bother to go to bed on Sunday nights at all? I might as well stay up watching Springer reruns for all the rest I get. Then the rest of the week is almost as iffy for sleeping.

This is why I am thoroughly cranky right now, btw. That and I am incredibly fucking sick of seeing a big screaming headline on the front page of the paper EVERY SINGLE DAY saying "BIG BUDGET CUTS! LAYOFFS! FEE HIKES! YOU'RE ALL DOOMED!" when I go to work. Then I spend the rest of the day calculating my odds of being laid off (I would say 50/50, possibly better not getting laid off, but can't say for sure depending on where they go with it). Okay, so hopefully if this project isn't eliminated entirely I could be rehired as a temp if my job got cut, but I keep thinking that if I get laid off here- the most secure place I could find, plus somewhere I could get to without driving- what else is left for me?

I am rather upset right now. Hill has now forbid us from using ANY heat in the house, at all, since the last electric bill came in. It is huge. I mean, quadruple what it normally is. And in all honesty, I know it's Dave's and my fault since he was here for the week during that time and insisted on turing on the heat, and I didn't stop him. I can't really blame her. But dammit, I miss being able to turn on my space heater, and I can't pile on enough clothes to keep warm either.

And adding to the fun, since it looks like her plan of substitute teaching to make money has gone out the window (she took one class this quarter at a JC, university is now saying that the JC transcript must be shipped to 3 different departments before they will deign to verify that yes, she is a collage gaduate, this will take 2 months), she told me that she can't afford to pay the heating bill at all. So guess who's stuck with it.

This utterly blows my careful budget for the month. This will eat up quite a chunk of my savings to boot, and I will officially be going way below where I want to be when layoffs approach. I would have to stop eating for the entire rest of the month to not take a huge loss here. I won't be able to make this money up in careful saving ever, basically. And my parents would have an absolute fucking COW screaming fit for 48 hours about me being irresponsible and not being able to afford to pay my bills because I keep going to visit Dave, etc., if I asked them for any.

I am currently using this Expense Manager program on my Palm to keep track of how much I spend in each category, and looking at things... grrr. Admittedly, I paid rent and groceries during this time, but it's still a ton of money looking at it. And three more weeks to go, with another phone bill, enormous heating bill, owing Mom money, and yet another household items run left to go as well. I was very careful and a good girl during the last week on my spending for lunch, and then ended up spending as much on one meal for two as I had paid for lunch the entire week on the weekend because Dave wanted to go to a place with real food for a change and as usual, there wasn't any food to eat at his house. I should have insisted on Hot Dog On A Stick or something.

I am starting to think that this whole trying to save money thing isn't going to happen even if I try, given how things are going. Unfortunately, the biggest and/or most consistent cost drains on me are (a) rent, can't help that, (b) all my various phone bills, but I can't disconnect any of the phones, (c) eating, and (d) traveling. I already told Dave that financially I shouldn't go see him until our anniversary, which made him very unhappy. And I know I should stop eating out all the time, but I hate cooking so much (and lose most of my appetite every time I come home and know I have to make my own dinner, to be honest) that I really look forward to knowing there's one meal that won't be prepared by my own two hands for me to eat that day. Not to mention that bringing your lunch isn't all that convenient to do at a place where the fridge is a stuffed-to-the-gills mini-fridge.

I have been debating skipping eating lunch at work altogether to save myself the money. After all, on weekends when I'm at Dave's, I pretty much don't get hungry all day long, and I'm perfectly fine. Though this is most likely my stomach's reaction to knowing that there is no edible food under six months of age in the house to eat until dinnertime, so it really might as well not bother. Whereas on days when I have to go to work (and this is ONLY days I go to work, mind you), I end up hungry somewhere between 9 and 10 a.m.

So today, since I knew I'd have to make yet another household item run after work, I didn't eat. Nothing but a little yogurt when I was taking pills and a few cookies I snagged. And while I didn't actually feel all that hungry- my stomach did a few rumbles and then shut up- I did end up with a headache and feeling ever-so-slightly wobbly. Though this is me we're talking about, so headaches could be just par for the course. Who knows.

Anyway, since Hill wanted to get stuff at the grocery store again today, I ended up buying salad ingredients to take to work. We'll see how the cheap livin' goes.

Hah.


Dave's interview on Friday went all right- it's kind of a temp job, phone stuff, whatever- but I am not working myself up over it as yet. We shall see. Everything else has bombed out in the last few months, so I am not letting my hopes rise any damn more. Hell, even if he gets it, the Money Curse may continue to work on... Though on the other hand, his brother's paid to fix up his car and his grandfather's paying for a year's insurance, so there's some luck.

Hill being home and unemployed isn't the best thing. She spent all of Monday cleaning and then was talking and talking on hyper mode to me all night when she was home. It was a bit frightening. She desperately needs SOMETHING TO DO, I think!

Much to my joy and delight, Mom has promised me that come hell or high water, I WILL NO MATTER WHAT get a dentist appointment on my day off from work. The dentist is her buddy and promised her. Oh joy. Let's take bets now on how many cavities and other wrong things there will be, shall we? I vote 6-8 cavities this time. No joke, no sarcasm there either.


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