Chaos Attraction

Abject Terror

2004-01-20, 9:17 p.m.

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Yeah, haven't updated. Haven't had that much to say. Mostly either been lounging or wigging out, I guess.

Can I say that I am totally terrified of having my wisdom teeth out? And yet I fear the time where I simply must is coming soon.

I'm not bothering to hunt around for ages to see where the original entry is, so here's a recap: Years ago, dentist was all "Your mouth is too small, your wisdom teeth should come out." I cried, my parents scoffed and said, "Well, WE never had ours out, why should you?" and the situation was resolved to my satisfaction. A few months ago, I got the news that one of the wisdom teeth had a big cavity and I had no choice but to get them out now, he laughed evilly. I cried hysterically, then decided that there was no way I was getitng that crap done during the holiday season/work busy season. That's not the time where one wants to be in agony, whacked out on pain pills and unable to work or eat.

Only now I'm actually starting to feel that tooth. Doesn't hurt, mind you, I can chew just fine, but I'm actually aware of the tooth existing, which normally never happens with me. Fairly often I am aware that it exists, because it twinges. This is clearly the "oh fuck, gotta get it out right this SECOND" call, eh?

And I want to cry again.

I'm terrified of it all:

(a) I am petrified of surgery. Olivia Goldsmith dying because of anaesthesia recently AND people saying shit like "Hey, you can die from just having your wisdom teeth out!" DOESN'T FUCKING HELP.

Or anyone who told me their jaw got permanently fucked up and they can't open it as wide as they used to be able to, either. Dude, the dentist already bitches he can't get in there far enough! I don't need these problems!

(b) Don't want to be home for days with the parents- nuff said to that.

(c) Don't want to have to take painkillers because the pain will be so agonizing that I HAVE to.

(d) Don't want to start LIKING painkillers too much because I took any. I consciously avoid anything that gets me all blurred out and fucked up and out of it, thanks, I don't need happy bliss added into it.

(e) Holes. In my mouth. For maybe six months. "Who knows when they'll heal?!" the dentist said cheerfully.

(f) That nasty syringe thing you have to use to suck food out of the holes. I'm ready to throw up just thinking of this. I gag on my own goddamned toothbrush within 30 seconds of starting to brush 9 times out of ten, and I'll have to do THAT?

(And just think about vomiting with holes in your mouth. Yeah. Oh God.)

(g) Having to eat nothing but soup for six months in order to counter (f).

I want to cry very bad at the thought of all of this.

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