The weather here now officially sucks! Out of the 4 umbrellas I own, one got holes in it. The new umbrella I bought-- an automatic opener-- broke on the first day that I used it. My backup umbrella that disappeared for several months before I got it back from Mom officially broke this morning. Now I am resorting to my Dubious Umbrella which technically will still extend itself in full. Well, at least I found a $10 umbrella for cheap at the bookstore. That isn't automated either. I'm thinking I need to go figure out how to make some umbrella skirts or something with all of my dead umbrellas.

Right now I am kinda feeling that ol' dose of reality these days. I'm not going to be able to pull off a move this year-- or hell, maybe ever for all I know. There was a thread about adulthood on Metafilter last night that really made me feel kinda loser-y because I certainly do fail at it on some levels. And frankly, I don't think I am going to be able to pull off this car buying thing. Or at least, I don't feel overly comfortable with what I'd have to do in order to get one.

Merry pointed out to me last night that if they won't raise my credit limit, then there's no way in hell they'll give me a loan. That even after she had hers raised in her 20's, she still had to get a cosigner. That I screwed up on getting credit in the first place. I did everything wrong when it came to getting a credit card, apparently. I can't up my limit without lowering my rent-- which is probably not going to happen at this point.

That leaves (a) work out some kind of deal with car dealerships, or (b) get help from Mom, or (c) clear out the savings account.

I'm creeped out at the idea of working with a car dealership. I honestly do not know how I am going to deal with car salespeople in the first place even to test-drive cars because I despise salespeople pushing and selling to me and confusing me. I got dragged to time-share presentations way too many times and I want those people to die. Adding to that sort of fun, I'm kind of one of those living lie detector sort of people and I can tell when you are bullshitting me. I know everyone says stuff like "don't buy a random car off Craigslist," but man, I'd rather deal with some other doofus than a professional sleazebucket I wouldn't trust to get me a soda. Anyway, people have pointed out that they are more likely to do ANYTHING to get money out of me, but...ugh. Don't feel okay with that.

Then there's the "hey, let's deal with crazy Mom!" option. She has NOT offered to co-sign for a loan with me-- I can't ask, it has to be her idea or she throws a giant shit fit. This would probably be the most reasonable plan under the circumstances. I don't like it too much, but prefer it to the dealership assholes. But she did offer to buy me the car and have it all on her credit (I'd like to point out that previously she has totally been against this idea and says she can't afford it, and given how iffy she is about her finances, fuck if I know) and have me pay her back off the record. I'd rather not do that one unless it's the only option, since that one (a) doesn't help me build credit, and (b) she was really rather rude and snippy at me about this idea because as far as she's concerned I've never paid her back for anything in my life. I have--and even have a mutually dedicated savings account to me paying her back for shit, which she has never accessed-- but she believes what she wants to believe about money. Which is crazy.

Clearing out the savings account is not a good idea.

Researching how to buy a used car makes me very tired, confused, frustrated, angry, and sad. There are some things in life (a fun example from my reporter days: STD medical research) that the more you read about them, the less empowered and more confused you feel. And reading about the confusion of cars and every goddamned thing you have to do and banking and sleazy sales tactics and negotiating tactics and how you'll be paying a gajillion dollars and how many steps you have to take and oh god, negotiating... Yeah, it really makes me wish I'd driven at 16 when Dad was still willing to buy me a car.

I am just not feeling like I am going to make it here.

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