Chaos Attraction

A Meandering Sort Of Entry

2016-01-24, 9:00 p.m.

Well, work has gone back to being suckass. I got abandoned at the front counter on Wednesday with no managerial support except for about ten minutes, and I proceeded to get nothing but questions only a manager could answer, and of course I got tattled on and in trouble again on Thursday. Adding to my joy on Thursday, I went to a meeting late because I had no idea there was a meeting (people apparently were told at the last minute before I got there, thankfully, that’s the one thing all week I didn’t get in trouble for), and found out that I am going to need some kind of horrible dental surgery. And then I had to answer phones on Friday. ‘Nuff said.

I also finally got the real job description for the job I have an interview for and ah...let’s just say there’s some details that I haven’t done before, I have that to worry about that I won’t be 100% perfect enough to be a statistics whiz.

In other news, I did finally talk to my shrink again this week--haven’t had an appointment in about a month and a half--and that went really well, I actually had plenty of good things to say (of course, that was Tuesday and the week curdled the next day), which was lovely.
I was also reading this: “Also, cognitively speaking, a crush starts out as raw emotion, then becomes a set of feelings, which then develop into thoughts. If those thoughts don’t develop into actions, eventually the underlying emotion fades, and once you’re done thinking about it, the crush is over. You wake up one morning and the feelings are gone.”

Lately I keep feeling like I’m losing interest in things I used to be interested in--that I’m still objectively interested in, but I’m feeling like my mojo/feelings/what have you for them have keeled over. kinda sounding like that. Which worries me. It’s great to be over a crush, mind you, but I don’t want to be over say, cool hobbies and interests because I wasn’t able to move on them action-wise for a few months! Dammit!

I’ve mostly spent this weekend either going to the gym, doing errands, or prepping for the job interview, but while I was attempting to look for cheap earbuds, I ended up wandering into the Goodwill (no, that doesn’t make sense) and finding a book called Switch. I’m not all the way through it yet, but it talks about the concept of Rider (the part of you who wants to do some big change) and the Elephant (the emotional side that wants immediate gratification) and how you have to get both on board, and if you don’t, you end up tired and not doing anything. This gave me a lot of Deep Thoughts about work and specifically what one would need to work on in this job...I only hope I get the opportunity to talk about that in the interview instead of my uh, statistics experience. It actually made me feel a lot better, for the time being. I have ideas, dang it, and it’d be nice to be in a situation where people might listen to them for a change.

But also on a personal level, yeah, I’ve been having that sort of thing going on lately. My emotional side is just tired from well, work all day, so that doesn’t help things outside of it. If I can just figure out how to get both sides on board...right?

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