It’s another “gym, tan, laundry” day, except for me it’s more like gym, tooling around, library day. I think it’s sad that I could have gone to an improv class today but just did not care enough to sign up for it, because a GTL day was more appealing. Sheesh, me. So instead I worked out for two hours, got the car washed, dropped off books at the SPCA, and got more library books.

Per that podcast, I have decided to give “The Secret”/Law of Attraction thing a shot for two weeks. I’m sort of a partial believer in a lot of weird shit that I don’t have much personal experience in, including LoA. A long ass time ago I did an experiment in trying to manifest little things, and this is how it went. In retrospect years later, I think it went a lot better than I thought it did at the time. Out of 11 items I actually tried for (30 became too much to keep track of), I got nine (really, the feather thing counted), so that’s really good. So since that I concluded that one could manifest tiny stuff relatively easily, but bigger stuff, who knows.

However, I’m revisiting this again because if two total nonbelievers suddenly got money and jobs and all that shit, why can’t I? So today is day 1 of trying this for 14 days like they did.

So I dug up all of my Law of Attraction books and copy of “The Secret” and re-read them while at the gym and in line to get the car washed. I still think “The Secret” book is a little lame and high on inspirational quotes and less on “how this shit works,” and I do not like the vague blame-y “you brought that on yourself” ‘tude it has about bad things in your life. I know damn well that I did not go into my job changes that went badly expecting something bad to happen to me. I absolutely had no idea. I do not think I brought say, bullying on because I thought bad things--I was happy to get into that area! So yeah, I don’t like that. The Idiot’s Guide version of that is okay, still somewhat blame-y or at least it agrees that you brought bad stuff on yourself, but is more concrete on examples on what to do and how things work.

The book I continue to think is the most reasonable on the topic is Cosmic Ordering by Jonathan Cainer, which is written from the POV of your guardian angel (or whatever...) saying what it can and can’t do for you and why some things work and some don’t, rather than promising things happening immediately (The Secret) and magical weight loss while you still eat a lot (Idiot’s Guide, though even the author is all "Look, I thought that story was bunk too, but it got proven with that lady."). Too bad that book never became a best seller....probably because it’s reasonable, even if written from some “angel” point of view. (That is the sort of thing I find weird...I have the Abraham-Hicks book on this stuff too, but didn’t get into that one today.)

So I am TRYING to be more positive about shit. Daydreaming about good things so as to be in a good mood, not being at work today helps that, and I am trying to make concrete plans about tomorrow’s theater activities. Though this last one has gotten a bit difficult.... I am having a hard time thinking positively about my activities for tonight and for tomorrow since they aren’t exactly great fits for me and I don’t super want either and I know it, I’m just going to make attempts anyway for the sake of making attempts and practice more than anything else.

Tonight I am trying to write another cover letter for a job I truly do not care about or have any excitement for and do not care if I get or not. Well, I would be mildly interested if I got an interview for it, at least. But I cannot write a lively and interesting cover letter that shows how much I care about getting the opportunity to “provide program support,” “respond to diverse inquiries,” “assemble and process packets,” etc. What interests me about this job? Well, nothing about the job listing automatically ruled me out because it didn’t mention the words budget, payroll, travel, front counter, or first point of contact. That was entirely what “interested” me there. 99% of job listings have most or all of these words, so this one did not. That “intrigued” me. It does appear to be a secret “make you coordinate events” job, though, so that is a yellow flag. Also, it seems implied that I’d be dealing with my least favorite clientele in that job too, just not doing the same things with them I do now. But the real issue is that I cannot tell for the life of me if it’s a secret “work at the front counter answering phones” job or not. I’ve been unpleasantly surprised on most of my job interviews to find out that a job IS being the front counter person, and why don’t they clarify this in the original job listing?!

So hell if I know if I actually want the job or not, other than “it has no red flags, just two yellow flags, which is doing damned great for my organizational opportunities.” I have at least general experience in the areas they seem to want. It’s just a tiny little option out there to try for that doesn’t involve my having to move to look elsewhere. I have very slight motivation...enough to re-tailor my resume to fit their standards (the one thing I like about job hunting, really), but just not enough to write an interesting cover letter expressing enthusiasm for the opportunity to process more paperwork, just in a different area from where I currently process paperwork.

I have been reading Tuesday Mooney Talks To Ghosts, which I loved. I particularly loved and related to the character of Dex, a gay and flamboyantly natured former theater kid now working in finance and hating it (he does karaoke too). He’s so thoroughly sick of his life, but he got into that life for a reason, i.e. money, so what do you do about that? There’s no easy fix for him there, or me, but I related.

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