Chaos Attraction

Stupid Dream Analysis

2005-02-02, 2:38 p.m.

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Another day in which I get freaked out by my horoscope! Whee!

For the record, when I check the daily horoscope, I do have some skepticism. I do go through at the end of the day (assuming I wrote down what it was) and go "Yeah, that didn't happen, and that didn't, and that, and that..." I got a whole lot of "work's going to be really busy" stuff last week. Which was true, yes, but the specifics tended to be stuff like, "You'll get some mentoring this morning from a trusted advisor," which isn't something that happens around here. (Nobody's that awake in the morning for that.) And this doom-and-gloomy one didn't come true, happily.

But last night, I had a really unpleasant dream. It was something along the lines of Jess and I showing up to the same class (glass class?), and she showed up out of the blue. I figured she was too busy to talk to me with the moving and all, so I ignored her, figuring if she wanted to pay attention to me, she would. She didn't. Then I got home and got a e-mail from her chewing me out for ignoring her of late. It was pretty ripping and I admitted I deserved it, but I was oddly happy at the same time to actually hear from her for a change.

I woke up around five a.m. from this, in a supremely bad mood. I was still tired, but I didn't want to go back to sleep and dream some more, either. I knew damn well it wasn't real, and in a way I was glad it wasn't... but in a way I was also disappointed that it wasn't. I hate dreams. I hate waking up and having to "check" what's real- in this case, checking my e-mail to see that that hadn't really happened.

I especially didn't like being reminded of the whole moving thing, either. Bad enough I feel weird checking e-mail/phone messages, and that every time I have to talk to my mom she asks if I've heard from Jess.
"No, Mom, I haven't."
"Why don't you call her?"
"Because she's BUSY. She's way too insanely busy to contact me. I'm not going to try to contact her and leave messages that'll get ignored and then I'll get all Whiny Hurt Feelings Girl about it." (Thank you very fucking much, Previous Ex, for installing THAT particular hot button issue in me.)

And yet, look, I have hurt feelings anyway, even when I fucking know they are unreasonable! Aren't I just wonderful?! Don't you just love how dreams remind you of that?

In that dream analysis class I'm taking online, they wanted us to analyze our most vivid dream (though mine aren't vivid). We were supposed to see what archetypes showed up in ours and stuff like that so we can figure out our hidden symbolism. I've never HAD hidden symbolism in my dreams- they're all really straightforward, even the stupid and weird ones. It's really annoying.

Anyway. I normally would not detail my dreams to anyone, except for today's daily horoscope, which gave me the WIGGINS, people.

"For February 2: Last night may have dished out fitful sleep and troubling dreams. Unresolved anger toward a friend or loved one may have seeped into your dreams. This morning could find you slightly out of sorts, thanks to last night's dreamscape. Keep competition over money or power under control. Your desire to "show" someone who's bigger and better may backfire. FYI: Late afternoon and early evening should bring a feeling of peace."

Okay, I don't know squat about this money/power/pissing contest thing, but I'm sure tonight should be peaceful, since it's volunteer night and that's fun., that was SPOOKY to read.

I don't know what the point is to having dreams like that. I know what my issues are with regards to the issue. I have no intention of throwing a whinybitch fit to her face (assuming I got ahold of her) about being neglected when I knew damn well that's what happens when someone moves and it's up to me to suck it up and cope on my own. She's moving and gone (hell, she's already moved out of town temporarily before The Big Move, whenever that is- and that's all I know), she's gonna be gone permanently, what's the difference between being gone now and later, for all intents and purposes? That's what happens when people move. You take a step back. You don't tell them everything that you would have told them if they were local. Your contact is limited. It's not the same. You get used to it.

I'm...just still working on getting used to it, is all. It's hard to take a step back when you don't want to (hell, that's why I am not friends with exes- but that's much more drastic), but I've dealt with it before. Many a time and oft, actually.

And you know what? I'm not going to let my whiny ass "hurt feelings" bring me down here. I think I'm following the right path in how to handle this, and I'm going to keep on keeping on with that.

And if my dreams don't like it, they can BITE ME.

Edited to add this line I just found that pretty much sums up the whole thing: "I guess people are like gears: if they don't turn together they wear differently, and after a few years they don't fit together at all."

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