Monday:

Today was a .... well, let’s just say it really shouldn’t count as a LoA day because I ... well, things came up all day that made it ... OH GOD TRYING TO BE FUCKING POSITIVE IS SO FUCKING HAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD at my job.

Also, fun kicker: somehow the Shark Tank got EXTRA SPECIAL EMERGENCY BUDGET PERMISSION to hire someone else to do my old job of data entry. Full time permanent position.... that I of all people qualify for the most and yet cannot fucking apply for to do because of the sharks. Let me tell you, extra special emergency budget permission has NEVER happened here before. Why the hell do THEY get special emergency budget permission? Our unit has been down by a third of the staff for years on end and we can’t get that! How the hell did they...oh, I can’t even with this.

I pity the poor bastard they hire. I sadly have to hope the eventual hire is also an asshole or else they won’t survive in that unit.

Anyway: I might as well call a mulligan on the LoA thing because the most I could do, at times, was to attempt to not say anything negative, by not saying anything at all. Or biting back my words. When someone said that someone else should be patient, I pointed out that they literally are going to get kicked out of their future if we don’t do what they want right away and there’s nothing we can do to mitigate that other than do what they tell us to. Sigh.

It was also a fairly draining day because I had a lot of emergency panicking people at me, had to contact tech support three times, was dealing with last minute panic emergencies until the last seven minutes of the day, etc. Had I not had card making class tonight, I would have gone home and drank. Ate two dinners because I was that starving and could have probably eaten at least another half a dinner, too. All I asked for for the LoA request was the “positive” equivalent of feeling at least okay by the time we all left work, and...eh....not so much....

Also, I told Tigress about the photo shoot thing and she said something like, “Wait, you have to pay money to get professional photos done for jobs you don’t even get paid for?” Excellent point. Why bother getting that done now, I guess?

Happily, card class was fun. Made some gorgeous cards. Petted some cute dogs. So there was that to recover from.

Tuesday:

On my way to work today I saw a guy on a skateboard with a helmet with a blinky light at the top, playing 80’s style music accompanying him somehow. I thought, “That guy is living the 80’s life.” Had I been able to see the front of him, I bet he had on the Marty McFly lifevest.

My old coworker Maria came by for a visit, saying that her husband is deployed in Africa and hating it and wants to quit the military when his most recent time is up, and he’s appreciating her a lot more when she’s not there to do things for him and he has to get his own dinner and do his own laundry. Yay, marriage.

Christine, our temp (for now....) coworker with the adorable dog, was asked why she didn’t bring the dog today. Answer: “He was a little bit gassy....”

So things were relatively chill for like an hour. I got my big task of the day done and then had to harass tech support on the Internet to start doing their part because they were all “Literally only one person can work on that and she’s out sick today, can it wait?” And I was all, NO, IT CAN’T, so her supervisor said he’d get on it. Thank you very much, and also, isn’t it a terrible idea to only have one person who can ever work on a task? Exhibit A: our office.

And then: BigBoss announced that Christine has been hired for a yearlong position with the Shark Tank! (In addition to yesterday’s “special emergency permanent position” announcement.) Hooray!..... oh, crap.

Both Tigress and I were mad about this, in a “happy for you, we understand you need to get decent benefits, but....” sort of way. Tigress was all, I just got her trained on things and she’s already leaving? I was all “oh FUCK, she’s gonna be in with the sharks. I was hoping to god they’d hire some stranger.” But no, once again they hired in-house. And I would like to say, for the record, that I appear to be the only person who’s never been hired in-house for anything. We all know what that makes me. I’m sorry, LoA, I just can’t spin that into something positive about myself.

And I had to warn her about going in with the sharks. I even said (according to the email, they were going to put her into another space), “at least you don’t have to share space with them,” and she said “their boss said he wants to move us all into the same area....” To which I was all OH FUCK SHE CAN’T HANDLE ANY NOISE and Christine was all, “and I have a dog.” I felt like awful shit telling her this stuff, but I don’t think it would serve her any to have her go in blind like I did. I said at all costs, get along with them, no matter what you have to do. And at least their manager isn’t bad, as far as I can tell. Dude didn’t stand up for me (which I don’t blame him for, I wouldn’t have either if I were him as the new guy not knowing what had gone on), but at least he didn’t join in, so there’s that.

Sigh.

Anyway, our supervisor had called some emergency-ish meeting today, which forced me to bail out on having therapy today since it was scheduled during that time, and then she ended up being 45 minutes late due to some crosstown meeting or other. Tigress and I were Not In The Mood to have this meeting and were generally super aggravated at management, and said as much. Our new supervisor, well, she’s not thrilled about this either, I’ll leave it at that. Our area is “at the bottom” (Tigress, being polite) or “buttmonkeys” (me, not being polite) around here for everything, get no special privileges, can’t keep staff around because everyone either is a temp and isn’t allowed to stay, gets a better job or gets sick. And in general our unit gets the most shit and the least privileges. Even our supervisor said she’s said to her supervisor, “we can never get ahead” or work on any improvements or anything because we’re always falling farther behind and can’t keep staffed and nobody’s doing anything to support us getting other staff or well, anything. Grandboss, and her counterpart on the other side of the office, are literally doing parts of our peon jobs now because we’re so short staffed. Which I guess is how they’re gonna learn. Scheduling is, according to our supervisor who just got out of having to run that department too, just as bad of a mess these days. “Life is no joke sometimes,” she said.

Tigress asked, “How do you stay sane?” and she said, “Sometimes it’s a struggle.”

Work continues to suck and not be a place I can do LoA positivity at.

I applied for that job I don’t feel strongly about when I got home. The new job application system is spectacularly godawful compared to the old one. Like WTF?

Oh well. If I do, I do, if I don’t I’ll be no worse off, as per usual.

Karaoke kinda sucked tonight. Not in the July 30th way, but otherwise it was disappointing.

The good points were (a) Ashley was back, after two weeks of medical hell apparently, and (b) Doris told me of a karaoke joint her friend Jace, who was there tonight, runs on Fridays (see next paragraph), and (c) a lady I barely kinda know and whose name I don’t even know at the bar said she loved me. No, I don’t think she was that drunk. But whatever effect I have on people while singing karaoke, it’s a shame I don’t have that going on at other times on stage, I guess?

(So far supposedly the theater people getting together on Friday are Robert, me, Blonde Sarah and Scott, and then Robert asked if Cameron and/or Laurel wanted to. Cameron said maybe and what are we doing? At the moment, well, nothing. Robert just said “get together” and “something cheap or free.” I haven’t discussed with anyone, but I have been looking around and frankly, not finding shit going on Friday night that fits those qualifications. So except for the fact that Cameron does not do karaoke, that would be one thing to do. IF ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING. But see below.)

(a) The good/bad(?) news is that Matthew has officially left the area and Jim is officially the DJ, bringing in his own equipment and stuff like that. So yay there. I’m delighted for Jim.

(I feel so conflicted on Matthew. I really liked the guy until I found out he was a cheater, and he was an excellent DJ and I will miss his parties. But now knowing what I know, I’m kind of relieved I won’t see him again. Until/unless his girlfriend throws him out or something, I guess.)

(b) Karaoke hours are now 7-10 because god forbid a bar be open until 11. Oh well, at least it’s the same duration, get home earlier, less time piddling around at my own house until it’s time to leave, etc. But it’s annoying that that bartender won, or whatever went on there.

(c) Everybody else continued to not show up or say anything and I am MAD and ANNOYED and FUCK Y’ALL. Did everybody else decide to quit and not tell me? Do they all have winter depression? What the shit is going on?

(d) I sang “Gives You Hell” and “Don’t Wanna Fall In Love.” I texted my shrink and she was all, “sing angry songs,” and I was like “already doing it.”

(e) Frank wanted to duet on “Girls Like You.” That song is hard.

(f) Frank asked me out afterwards and I said “not sure about that, I have my own issues.” Poor guy. I feel like a shithead. Really, other than not feeling attracted to him, I should date Frank. He’d literally be more age appropriate, actually likes me and actually wants to date me. FML, why can I not go for who goes for me? I’m so beyond tired of not returning anyone’s feelings.

(g) Jim said he’s on a business trip next week and doesn’t know who will substitute. I presume that means Ashley may not go since she can’t drive (she was back this week and we hung out, thank gawd). Doris is going on a cruise and won’t be around. Fuck, y’know what? If nobody’s going next week, I won’t either. Why bother.

I am working on the “When in doubt, act like Myrna Loy” monologue from “A Girl’s Guide to Chaos,” which is about how to deal with desperately wanting to tell someone off without either yelling or whining. At this point, I am feeling the need. But how would Myrna Loy coolly yet effectively yet non-offensively say anything in this situation?

In the monologue, Cynthia apes Myrna Loy when she wants to tell off her boyfriend without acting like her mother. She says, “Darling, you are a maggot. A brat. Leaving me alone on a dark hillside is not my idea of a good time. The next time the climbing urge overtakes you, leave me home. I will have my hair done. Don’t but me, you shit, I simply won’t have it. And that’s that.”

I somehow don’t think this would work over text though....

(Oh well, and at least I remember those lines?)

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