Wednesday:

I don’t have the energy to comment on the Trump non-impeachment. I care, but I am out of energy. I saw protesters in the park today on the way home, and good for them, but I am too burned out and tired to join. Not that it does any good anyway. Now we just wait all year for him to win in a rigged landslide and we’re still stuck with him until he dies. Whee.

As my boss said, 2020 has just plain started out bad. As grandboss said, if 2020 is a baby, it’s a colicky one.

That said, today was less awful for me personally, even if I’m still bummed about yesterday’s events. Grandboss created a report for me that made proofreading addresses a billion times easier and we didn’t have any major dramas explode on us, so yay there. I also got a surprise food basket from someone I helped months ago out of nowhere, so that was sweet. I did have to take some effort to keep the dog away from it while Christine was in our office, though!

I said he must have been cute as a puppy and she said he was cute, BUT he was awful. When she got him, she said she’d let the universe pick and he was the one that went to her lap. But he bit her and barked at her a lot as a puppy and she hated his guts. I was all, “How’d THAT change? You’d never guess,” and she said she had to basically be the alpha dog, stand over his food, bark back at him, etc. and now they’re best buddies. Awwww.

I am still emotionally tired, though. I wonder if that will ever end.

On a related note, Robert asked if anyone had any suggestions as to what to do tomorrow and I was the only one with suggestions....which got no responses. WTF is wrong with people? Is everyone having the still-seems-like-it’s-January funk?

I saw this and totally agree with it, especially with the “work sucks and I need to do this to destress” bits. There’s also some book called “Upstream: The Quest To Solve Problems Before They Happen” that I am somehow on a mailing list about, and the author sent a few chapters of it. It’s fucking brilliant so far and I can’t help but think I should send it to all the management at work... though well, in reality, this is not something I can do socially.

The first chapter is about how the Expedia call center was trying to reduce the number of calls of people wanting itineraries, getting rid of millions of calls by actually fixing a problem. Amazing. I wish my damn work could do that. It talks about how all we end up doing is putting out fires and never fixing what causes the fires. Then the fourth chapter (where are 2 and 3? I dunno) talks about “tunneling,” or just working around problems to solve them in the moment, but you can never actually fix what causes them. There’s a quote from a book called “Scarcity” saying that when people are juggling a lot of problems, they give up trying to solve them all. You can only go forward, through a tunnel. As the book points out, you may discover that there’s a chronic problem, but if you don’t have the time to stop and try to figure out what’s causing it, it’s easier to just deal with in the moment. Which is my entire job existence, really. And of course, how do you solve this? By having time to work on problem solving...which we never have.

Thursday:

On the good news side, work wasn’t insane today and I am pretty much nailing my monologue after five days of practice. Huzzah! Now just to do some maintenance memorization between now and the audition.

I did get In Trouble for not using the new computer system (which does not work very well after a year of testing it and is straight up hampering my ability to do my job), because now they decided the old one will be killed at the end of the month, and now they are monitoring everyone for 100% compliance. I LOVE BIG BROTHER!

Robert finally elected to say, “Everyone meet up at a coffee/tea shop in Davis by 6 and we’ll figure it out from there.” I am the only one who ever responded to this (again, wtf, people?). Which is a good idea except for the fact that I hate coffee/tea shops that offer no other beverages (why is it that places that sell tea rarely have any honey? Like, seriously?! And also, shit tea), but I am not going to be a pain in the ass and object given the difficulty level here, so fine. I just went out and bought my own damn honey to bring in. Smart move, me, as long as it doesn’t spill out of the Ziploc or something. I suspect I’ll be all “let’s just sit here for an hour and if nobody else shows or says anything, we leave.”

I thought of an idea for Scott’s birthday present. I’ll need to do a little design on it, and figure out tiny needles, and go get more yarn at that shop, but it’s An Idea that gives me amusement, so what the heck. If I can execute it, anyway, there may be some challenge to this. ....Y’know, this is assuming I still know him by his birthday and there is a need to get a present, anyway, at the rate things are going.

Reasons Why I Should Date Frank:
* He is openly interested in me (Scott is... not)
* Actually asked me out (Scott won’t)
* Likes my singing (guess who is not into it)
* Enough to duet, even (guess who doesn’t want to do that either).
* Is nice.
* Is technically closer to me in age, so more age appropriate than Scott.

Reasons Not To:
* I don’t like dating older men, or the power dynamics (same reason I have issues with Scott’s age....I don’t want to be the creepy dominant one now!).
* Don’t want to kiss him.
* Don’t want to have sex with him.

Ughhhhhhhh.... I really should date Frank, except for the last two that I cannot stomach. If I were a stranger I would tell me to date Frank. I cannot afford to be picky and I don’t have choices to choose from. Technically, nobody else wants me. And Frank is not an asshole.

I am so sick of this dilemma. I know it’s been a lot of years since it came up (who was the last one...Paul?), but I hate it EVERY DAMN TIME.

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