Walked around the house today. Tried to go outside for a bit--it's lovely weather out--and then 20 minutes into that someone started smoking again. I hate having to be all "I have to go back inside, I could catch Covid from that," but....SIGH.

I also got my grocery delivery, on time, yay. Sadly, no ramen, no stuffing, no batteries, and no orange vanilla soda--it was on the website for the first time in a year and they were still utterly out. Waaaaaaaaah. I don't get why some things are out and some are not. But at least this time I got Oreo ice cream, which I was craving. I actually also had enough room in the freezer (which was only about 20% full) to fit everything into it easily without ah, having to get creative about it. I really just need to order enough stuff that fits into it. No more than six boxes of large pizzas on one side, ten boxes of regular sizes boxes, four bagged products (chicken, raviolis) in the middle, and there's a bit of extra after that. I even had room for the bacon and the giant frozen lasagna today!

Welp, that was incredibly tedious, let's talk about something else.

Today was the "LUUV" storytelling show: it had a early and a late show and something in the middle, but I skipped that to watch another show.

Early show: Peter Cook: he's doing ASL!!!!!! Squee!!!!!!!!! The acting out of the narration about kisses is very distinctively acted out. Really, you'd have to see this to get the gist, especially when he's acting out "Stayin' Alive." "I was about to knock, then remembered she was deaf" cracked my shit up. (They have lights for the door.) He also has a good time acting out going to the zoo, particularly the ape. The narration says "playing the gondola," and he pretends to play guitar, then goes oops, throws it out, and pretends to row. Then they both have braces... and get stuck.... which he acts out with his back turned and yanking on his own ponytail. He claims both of them lost their braces entirely...uh-huh. "Be careful who your first kiss is. You might be stuck with them forever."

Daniella Daniel (really with the name?!): Poor girl's first date LITERALLY FELL THROUGH THEIR FRONT PORCH because dad never got around to fixing the porch! Happily, she did end up marrying him!

Rebecca Lemarie: Interesting but odd one about a princess who goes out to an oasis for 40 years to wait around for "the one" to show up and "the one" is apparently the one guy who introduces himself as "I am you" rather than his name, because she keeps saying there's no room for two. Somehow she backward de-ages after he shows up. Huh? Pretty, but odd. You are hearing the story of lovers who have always been one.

My namesake Anne from last week, doing "Peacock Love," hahah. She starts out with how the voice in her head is always telling her bad things, and "last week, the voices were particularly intense." She says in her 20's she went to a retreat to get away from a boyfriend who was getting sick of her. "Great! My voice won't hurt anybody's ears!" (I hear ya, Anne.) 'I think I could have made it, if it weren't for the peacocks." It was mating season, the peahens were locked up, and the horny peacocks were shrieking their heads off. One starts chasing the delivery truck. THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING, she realizes. She goes home, breaks up with the jerk, and sticks to her own species. :)

SWOON Story Slam host prefers cats to people, seems to love the cat more than her husband, who she has a decent life with. I swooned. Not. Har. Thirteen people are signed up for this, I guess.

Nancee: she was in a western comedy troupe in Arizona auditioning a new deputy. Dude is bouncing off the walls and she doesn't really want to work with him. He gets hired and it takes about a year to get to talking. they've been together 30 years.
"What can you do? Sometimes life hands you exactly what you need" even though you might think it's the wrong person," said the host, Robin Bady.

Erin Johnson: there is a 14 year old inside me that comes out and embarrasses me to death. was infatuated with a guy friend that she saw red flags in. he was being a jerk. keeps running into him. he thought she was stalking him. 'Your swooning has caused me a great deal of embarrassment today!" she say to her teen self.
"Why would i still be interested? you were crazy." -Robin again

Jamie Brickhouse: "It's impolite to ask gay men where they met." they met in a park...hooking up.... "merely looking for a pearl necklace" LOLOLOLOL. they're getting married. "all the guys have to wear pearl necklaces" (during covid) "we're getting married, so I guess we should get dressed up." with pearl necklaces. (he goes over time)
"I did get in trouble for having sex on the beach once and the cops stopped me." "Oh, you're ready for Fire Island, then." -Robin and Jamie

Annie: has crush on guy friend, he's not interested back. she befriend his girlfriend, when they break up girlfriend tries to fix them up and he says no. she's matched with him at a dance. but that's it. last year he Facebook friends her. she goes over time too.

MJ from Story Studio: hanging out with her grandfather. he left her a ton of candy when he went back to Korea. Oh no, he died. Photos of him are going up.

Angela gets into Godspell in college, "I fell in love with Jesus during that production." Were together for 2 years. Later he's done a one man show about working in a restaurant, "it was the first time we saw each other since 1978." "I fell in love with Jesus. It was 1974."

Sean meets a hot French chick trying to learn English. He keeps trying to speak French (badly). Kiss me. "And my world changes, right on the subway steps." "For me it's like finally. I've never been in love. I gave up on it." Je'taime, she says. "We go home and do French things. Fun French things." LOL. Goes over time. Way over time. JUST SPIT OUT THE PROPOSAL ALREADY DUDE. "I heart you, but please stop" sign goes up." "Give me your last sentence." "I can't finish. It's all good." Dude, this is why you NEED TO STOP DESCRIBING THINGS AND NOT GETTING ON WITH THE STORY. Like we don't need to hear about the dog, I don't think?

Andrew Shelfo: hypnotism. "So I volunteered to go first because I had something to get off my chest." "Do you like anybody?" "yes, Margaret," and it was out there." Ask her out. What do you do on a date? Like the movies, I guess. he chickens out on asking her out and says "never mind" and things were never the same again. AWWWWWW. She turns up on Antique Roadshow. "Nothing good comes from the past."

Bruce (from Florida) tells the eye story with the poem from last week.

Alan: student teaching K/1st grade combo, which is a bitch. got himself reassigned to a 2nd/3rd. he realizes Zippity Doo Dah is...problematic. "It's the truth, it's sexual" is what he HEARD every time it's sung.... He married the teacher!

Melissa: Ohhhh, I've heard this one, it's that guy she passed up because he was black. she goes over. (Robin: "Find him on Facebook!" "I can't find him!")

I did not get called on, which bummed me out. One of the few others who did not get in posted a snitty note about "hosting could have been more succinct." Jamie came in 3rd, MJ second, Melissa won. Well deserved. I hope she finds that guy someday.

The third show was "Late Night Passion." They are supposed to get dirtier as they go on.

Rebecca Hom: Cherry pit heart she's saved for 30 years. Can even show it.

Laura Packer: Adam and Eve, leaves, rod, hole. Har. Accidental sex story brought on by a dog sniffing where dogs are wont to sniff. My, my.

Noa Baum: talks about dating her husband, a science guy when she's normally into poets. He has vowed to never shack up before marriage. How am I supposed to know if he's the one without living together? "I'm starving in Montenegro and my boyfriend is making seal sounds? I have no choice. I join in." Later, they swap reading each other's journals and she's disappointed that he says very little about five days in Rome. And yet he writes pages about botanical descriptions of every single weed that he saw. (What do you expect from a scientist?) "I laughed so hard I fell off the bed." They've been married 30+ years. "How did we do that? I HAVE NO IDEA!"

Laura Packer again: Why are you marrying this poor farmer? He has more than enough.... guess what...for me! Uh, his tool is not a yard long like she heard him saying in the market.... "Now you and I may know that a man can't pawn a penis...." Grandma gives him a magic pinky ring to help the situation. FIVE MILE LONG PENIS. After he gets it back to normal, he enlarges it again, bangs the wife for a few days....and then his mother in law comes to peek while he's asleep AND HOPS ABOARD IT....the ring goes too far down.... 5 miles into the sky....Mother in law is forgiven for it all. Ewwwww. "They lived a happy and VERY LONG life."

There was some commentary in the chat about the lack of consent in this one and Laura was all "I know. It’s a traditional Russian story and it’s pretty much the most consensual one I could find."

Chetter Galloway: "The Very Important Penis Room." He had his wallet stolen in a sex club, but that saved him from getting arrested because he left early.

Judith Heineman: "He had showered me with his poker winnings." Naked. She married him.

Richard Martin: tells a story about a 93-year-old where a young guy falls in love with her smell or her hanky or something and her sisters get him to marry her without seeing her first.... Then fairies come along and make her young, hot, and smart.

Someone (Dixie De La Tour) said "think about baseball," and I brought up how great that worked on Zoey's a few weeks ago. She was amused.

Lillian Rodrigues-Pang's grandmother suggested that she picture the object of her affections "taking a great big shit." "Your love is gone, no?" It did work.

Archy Jamjun: dude has narcolepsy and passes out in mid-bang. Wait, it wasn't narcolepsy?! He just had a really bad drinking problem?! But he had the best dick in the world.

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry