Chaos Attraction

Crazy Animal Stories

2019-02-07, 6:06 p.m.

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Lowered Expectations - 2019-02-08

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Moments from today:

New Guy asking if my mom wants grandkids and I said "well, she doesn't want me to have a boyfriend, and while she wants grandkids she doesn't want me to do what I'd have to do to HAVE them, so....I don't get nagged for grandkids." I should consider myself lucky she's not "cool" enough to encourage me to get knocked up by a rando to get a baby, I guess.

I thankfully did not hear back from the "THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE" girl or the international business, so that was a yay. I did hear that a girl in our office got cussed out and now that one is going to have to order a replacement item from me, so JOY.

Seriously, I AM NOT COOL AND FROODY WITH BEING YELLED AT. I DO NOT WANT TO BE YELLED AT ALL FUCKING DAY. (I have a mom for that.) Why is that unacceptable?

On the more fun side, I have some crazy animal stories.

I heard that an actual COW was brought to a lactation class, and the cow got scared and pooped. I am told the professor said, "we scared the shit out of her!"

And on my way out of work, I saw a medium small dog being TAUNTED by a squirrel who was very high up on a tree. The dog was losing it wanting that squirrel so bad and the squirrel was all "Ain't no way you can come up THIS high." The dog actually tried running up the tree to try to get to it, but nope.

When the owner started trying to drag his dog away, the squirrel started slowly creeping down the tree....taunting the dog some more, who of course wanted to come back...and then the squirrel went up the tree again...

At this point the owner just plain picked up the dog and removed it from the premises.


Tonight I went to the show that I attempted to go to on Tuesday. I did get in for free and Lucas (class teacher/show director) said he e-mailed everyone but mine bounced and he thinks he spelled it wrong or something, so thanks for coming again. Well, okay then, I guess.

This sketch show/play was called "What Is Bae?" (To which I kept wanting to start singing "baby don't hurt me, no more" but I think that reference might have gone over the heads of this crowd.)

There were about three sketches at the start and two commercials for local companies (mostly mentioning the various names of beers and ... I think it was a weed company down the street?) done with puppets. There was a "You Pet Your Life" sketch in which a spinster got to pick the weird talking cat of her choice, with "Christopher Walken" as host. The first two cats--one of them along the lines of Cats: The Musical and one of them being a kinky kitty--ended up with each other since the girl was not so into that, so she picked "Catty Bates," the obnoxious one who reminded her of her mother. If they ever do any promo pics for this show, I really hope they used photos of THAT scene.

There was a sketch with uh...shiny robot people on a date? Very ah, formal. Wasn't sure what to make of that one. The third one was a very kinky English couple (with a scrapbook, 180 Boinks Around The World or something like that) scaring the shit out of their houseguests with talk about "what's a rosebud?" and "I got my brown wings." I don't know where they got those boxers with genitalia printed on them, but I haven't seen that kind of thing since I was going to Burning Man parties with Merry.

The rest of the show was a "sex education play with puppets" called "What Is Bae?" i'm guessing the writer, Philomena, is also obsessed with Avenue Q and you know I am down for anything involving puppet sex, which happened. I also wonder where they got the puppets or did they make their own? Anyway, it was various sketches, some recurring, kind of covering The State Of Dating And Sex Today. There was some kind of adult sex ed class in which the teacher kept saying "it's not like porn," which seemed like it was related to "The Internet Is For Porn." There was a girl trying to get up the nerve to ask a guy out and then the friend of hers proposes sex and gets the dude--and then they have a few awkward pre-sex and sex scenes. The final scene was the guy being turned on by "honest" talking and yes, puppet banging. "Did you come?" "Of course not!" There was a social media relationship designer that tells you to portray your relationship as less realistic, more realistic. There was a bro espousing not coming in a lady. There was an escape room with the theme of "toxic masculinity," which was certainly hitting the "ooooh" reality button there.

It was an interesting show, that is for sure.


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