Chaos Attraction


2014-02-08, 8:10 p.m.

Yesterday I went to a TEDxSalon, which I guess is a shorter prequel-y event for their main gig in May. They had a couple of spoken word artists and four speakers, three of which were pretty unconventional and cool to me. (The fourth one was talking about getting a library in Haiti, which is.... not so much what I am looking for in life right now exactly.)

The first speaker was talking about how everyone is a storyteller--which seemed pretty relevant to me! She said we generally leave it to artists to do that job, convey everyone else's feelings for them (say, writing an angsty love song). However, what makes a story awesome is your subjectivity/point of view, the personalization. She also pointed out that you don't have to have spectacular language skills (she's not a native English speaker).

The second speaker is some kind of philosophy professor who talked about wanting to measure moments, so he got 625 pounds of clay and had his students (and apparently random strangers wandering by) make sculptures. He pointed out that when you give people clay, it becomes a medium for interconnection. I'm not entirely sure how he measured a moment--well, beyond videotaping and photographing-- but it was a wacky talk.

The other speaker was one of the original TEDx (here) founders, who wants to be an astronaut. He talked about meeting Stephen Robinson and asking him him to do it, and the guy said to become a pilot, do well in school, and work in diverse fields. So the guy did the first two and counted TEDx as the third, but then he got to intern at NASA and learned about cube satellites (the cheaper, faster, smaller variety). He got so hyped about them that he decided his big project in life was gonna be starting a program on them here. He spent several years trying to talk engineering professors into doing it...and then Stephen Robinson came to work here and he finally got someone interested :) So at the end he was all, what is your idea you thought you could never pull off, and why aren't you doing it?

I wish I had a passion for something like that. I don't think working on six different knitting projects at once counts exactly.

I seriously wonder what my problem is. It seems like the rational explanations are:
(a) I just haven't found my "thing" yet to be super passionate about, that I will pursue to the ends of the earth.
(b) I''m just not that super passionate in general about anything, plus I am discouraged in about two seconds.
(c) I'm clinically depressed and the only thing that will fix me is meds for life.

It's probably at least (b) if not throwing in (c) (of course, you know I hate that as an answer). What with my billions of hobbies, it seems ridiculous to think that I might not have any "thing," correct? I don't know how to fix a lack of super passion and drive, though. Considering that the overall/most popular answer as to what meds do for you is to "calm you down" or "make you not care" or "numb you out," well, I've already got that going on enough, thanks.

So how do I find something I care about more than anything and then make myself fucking chase it?

As for today: you know, despite everyone being all OMG DROUGHT WE ARE GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE around here in January, I was all, "You know what? It'll probably be pissing rain all February." This has been pretty much the case. This weekend is a total rainout to the point where I want to yell, "THIS IS NOT ENOUGH RAIN FOR YOU?" And I have to say, THANK GOD FOR HAVING A CAR. Because it's raining so badly that had I not had a car, I would have just stayed inside watching television all day. Instead, I worked out at the gym for two hours and then went to the Craft Center. I had a MUCH better sewing day compared to last week. I eventually did manage to fix and finish my rain skirt, which I wore out the door to go home. It works well as long as you don't look too hard at my sewing, hah. I also ended up making a little tie-on apron, thinking I could use it to carry my knitting around. Looks cute. So, it was a productive day for me on that level.

I'm still undecided as to whether or not I want to go to that craft event in Sac. I guess I'll figure out tomorrow if I want to that badly in the rain or not. If it wasn't raining it'd be a slam dunk, but I keep thinking that why should I drive in it on the freeways if I don't absolutely have to the way I will next weekend?

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