Chaos Attraction

The Science of Eggs

2019-02-12, 9:54 p.m.

Much as I like New Guy (he called me a “swell gal” today, that was sweet), dear lordy, I would not want to date him. I was out getting my headlight replaced this morning and when I came in, he was in a very grumbly mood, apparently because our third officemate reminded him that Valentine’s Day was coming up.

When I came in, he was apparently on the phone with his cousin, having this conversation.

"I got flowers and roses in my front yard!"
"And they die! Might as well save your time and money!"
"She said you could get her nothing? How did you get her to say that, cuz?"
"I try to give her unconditional love all year long!"
"That's what I said! All year long!"
"Is it always ok to give more shoes?"
(Presumably answering the question of “what does she like?”) "She likes to disturb my napping time."

When he got off the phone, he started going on about how he could be single and having free time (apparently he spent last night bathing all three kids and reading when he thought he’d get the night off) and then started quoting Homer Simpson: “I have three kids and no money... Why can't I have no kids and three money.” And going on about the joys of when they were broken up for years except she got upset when she saw him “living life” and got all the other ladies out of his life, and at some point he gave her a $400 Coach purse and now he can never live up to that again...

Sometimes I can’t help but think stuff like, “Well, dude, you said you wanted a lot of kids,” and “Erm, maybe use a condom?”

On the one hand, I do have absolute sympathy for the situation of “I refuse to tell you what I want, I have everything, but I insist on you giving me a gift.” I know this pain and apparently she is enacting it on him and all gifts anyone can think of besides flowers (see above) are not okay by her. Can’t do activities or favorite foods or getting away from the kids since they did that last weekend... So that combined with hating shopping does suck.

But that said, I’d hate it if some guy I was with felt like that about getting me anything. Even when I’ve had a boyfriend, Valentine’s Day has pretty much sucked (I think the one time I was technically with a boyfriend on the day, I was on the train until like 11 p.m. to get to his house and he got me toy animals he won at his job and I think we ate fast food for dinner because of the 11 p.m. thing and...yeah, I could look up that entry but I don't wanna), but I feel pretty shitty for his wife.

Also, let’s face it: if you’re in a relationship, and if your lady cares about the day, YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING. (Let’s hope Roger does something for Mom. NO idea if that’s happening at the moment.) Sorry, guys, that kinda comes with the territory of having a girlfriend or wife or whatever.

As for my coworker, someone told him that there were free flowers at Trader Joe’s, so let’s hope he works that out.

I also ended up having to explain to him that Certain People at this office are not so pleasant--I gather he had some awkward moments with High Horse (“the one with the countdown to retirement above his desk?” “Yeah”). I like this office space so much better.

In other work news, the head of scheduling has now announced her retirement. Let’s keep track: out of four people who normally work in there:
* one applies for another job here and got it and Big Boss put the kibosh on rehiring a replacement even though it’s been proven off and on for years before her that they need to have a bare minimum of 4 in there.
* another went to grad school, forcing the “gotta hire someone because we can’t do it with two” issue and starting this rotating temp thing going on. Right now we don’t know what is going on with the permanent hiring at all, but I’m assuming New Girl will probably get it because that seems to be how life is going--though so far she seems to like the work but not the solitude. I will trade you on that solitude!
* Now the boss of that unit is retiring.
* That leaves my former work buddy who got transferred in there years ago as the only one left. Luckily for them he's not ambitious.
Good lordy, what a trainwreck. I don’t even know how they’re gonna handle that one. But not my problem, right?

I also ended up explaining to the other coworker who applied for the scheduling job that that lady only wants to hire people with years of experience and I didn't get in when I tried either, so don't feel bad. We were both all "yeah, some people can get out of here and some of us just...can't." I guess this is where we're meant to be.

Though in a day with other dramas I won't get into because this is long enough, one of my Big Things I do at work finally got signed off on, so hopefully all that is done by the deadline someone gave us of Thursday. There is that! I sent huge thanks to the person who got it done. Hell, I was even dreaming about her getting it done last night, though I don't quite think that counts as a psychic dream under the circumstances since I think I both dreamed that she did and didn't get it done today.

In other news, improv class was on again tonight and I had a great time. Lucas got the bright idea to do a semi-Harold tonight so we were doing continuing scenes more often. I was in one in which I was the various dingy people calling for tech support and my scene partner was super super sick of the whole thing (I relate). We attempted some kind of game/blend thing at the end which turned into trying to resurrect a slug.

We also did what I called the “Cloud Atlas” game previously and I actually started the whole dang thing by pretending to be a bird--I ended it by pecking open an egg and then turning into the baby bird keeling over in exhaustion. The second scene was basically working at Jurassic Park except the other guy never saw the movie--at some point I busted out with the line “We don’t know how the science of eggs works.” The third scene was a bit weird, something about how my character opened all of dad’s dirty magazines and ruined the college fund and then I got hit by a car to win back their love...scenes can be weird. The fourth one was being trapped on a plane while the pilot is having some kind of issue and then I was thinking, “how’s the fourth guy gonna leave? He’s the PILOT.”

I have also now tried the first beer that I’ve actually rather liked. The classes are being held in the back of a brewery (yes, that’s odd) and I feel kind of bad not buying beer when everyone else is buying beer and uh, there’s not much else to get since they discontinued the restaurant, but (a) I don’t like beer and (b) I drove here. When I got there they had the place closed otherwise for painting, and the taps were off, but they did have beer in cans/bottles for sale. Now, they’ve been advertising a “Wild Berry Sour” beer that I’ve been eyeing when my classmate has been buying it. So I was all heeeeey, I could just buy a can and bring it home. Well, they sell them in 4 packs for $16, but...what the hell, I’ve been patronizing the joint for months and not buying anything.

Now that I am home, I can happily report that this is the first beer I ever had that does not taste like urine and alcohol! It is berryish! As the guy selling me the beer said, you can just drink it down. It seems to be the beer equivalent of the moscato I keep getting/chugging at Cost Plus and uh, same light alcohol content. So hey, I won’t be not drinking it! That’s the first for any beer entering my house!

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