I went back to the hospitality suite for dinner. Some random older dude who worked for the con*, was in there chatting with us for a while. There was some amusing commentary about how he thought of some kind of ritual that I thought would have been funny (I can’t remember what now though), and how it’s a shame there’s no Discordian ritual this year, and he also wanted to go to the dance ones. So, normal hippie conversation, right?

* Even though I saw his name, I should probably for my own safety not disclose it. My blog doesn’t come up when you do searches for Pantheacon as of this writing and nobody reads it anyway for most of the time and that’s great by me, but given where this is going and what happens to girls who speak up, I’m going to not say it. But I am sure he was staff since he had a staff badge on. There were three people with his name listed in the staff listings so I can’t say which one he was, but I could guess. I’ll call him Guy A.

Then he decided to insert himself into whatever conversation Monica and I were having about dudes or what the hell ever it was, I kinda forget. But he started going on about how the ladies at cons were “so free and easy with their bodies.”

My reactions, which I did not say aloud, were: (a) Ewwwwwwwwww, (b) What the fuck did this have to do with what I was saying? I can’t recall what I was saying, but it did not relate much.

This, alas, was Foreshadowing For Later.

In the evening, it was DANCE PARTY NIGHT!!!! I haven’t gotten to do a whole lot of this at Pcons, mostly because either they weren’t holding an event I wanted to do or they were in the 11 p.m. slot and mostly I have learned not to go to those because if you hang around there past 11, that’s when you stop sleeping and have to chug a ton of Mountain Dew to stay awake going home and sleep all the next day. (I am proud to say that I didn’t do any Dew all weekend.)

During the seven p.m. slot, there was “Dance Elemental--Ecstatic Journey”, which was dance music themed to the elements. And interestingly enough, billed as “safe sacred space.” Overall this dance party ritual thing was pretty cool in execution: they had some drummers/musicians at the bottom and a DJ at the top mixing music together, themed towards the five elements, and they had colored scarves that they handed out to folks per each element to play with. I had brought my rainbow scarf and was having a great time playing with that.

This event is where I developed the concept of “five second friends” at Pantheacon, i.e. when you very briefly hit it off with some nice lady that you barely met, or saw on the dance floor (one girl there was the younger spitting image of Jean, too bad I can’t take pics here), and for like five seconds with little to no conversation, you’re buddies. It’s very sweet, albeit short.

What was less cute was that Guy A got a hold of a yellow scarf and was having some fun playing with it. Okay, fine, nothing bad going on here. So I’m going with this “five second friends” thing and occasionally doing some scarf play with him. Alas, in his little man brain, I guess this turned into a come-on after awhile because he started putting his scarf all around me like I was being trapped in it. He wasn’t pawing me, technically speaking, but this was more close than I was wanting to get, so I was moving away after a while of this. And thinking “aw crap.” You’d think after hearing me talking about how I am interested in someone elsewhere might be a boner killer, but no.

Many years ago at my first Whole Earth, I got away from some weird creeper (named “Rooster,” supposedly a stoned vet student) and then managed to find a worse handsy dude who literally jumped on top of me. Same thing happened here when another guy* found me on the other side of the room when I was fleeing Guy A and wanted to dance, and I went along with it, and ... this was getting way too close for comfort here. I won’t get into details, but I was fairly sure that his dick was gonna be poking me in another couple of minutes after awhile, so I said thank you very much but this is too much and went away. He backed off at the time.

* Again, I got this one’s name but should probably cover my bases and not disclose it. I’ll say that he had a strong resemblance to someone who has been minorly busted by the MeToo movement. I’ll call him Guy B.

Later I ran into Guy B outside in the hall and we had a nice polite talk, I said I was afraid it was going to turn into dick-poking and to his credit, I thought, he looked horrifed at that. I said thanks for backing off when I asked, he said maybe we could dance again later and I said fine. At this point I’m not sure if that was sincere or just good acting, see later on.

Why did I agree to this? I don’t know really. Part politeness. Partly that I genuinely do not feel like I can or should turn down ANY guy and have always felt like this (see recent events). Partly in the “well, if I’m not getting anywhere with you-know-who, maybe I should date other guys or at least do the Pcon one-off foolaround with no consequences like others are doing, right?”* I’m a free agent, why the fuck not?” sort of bad logic.

* I probably shouldn’t recount all the stories I heard later about the BDSM party, or the “orgy” that sounded more like a makeout cuddle party. I didn’t attend either, but appreciate that others satisfied my curiosity by saying things later. But these two dudes will recur again, sadly, at those events....

Yeah, as per my usual, uck, no, why bother trying? I actively don’t want to attract multiple dudes I do not want. This is A Problem, and one I actually asked about in the attraction and abundance ritual--she said it was a focus thing.

Anyway, after that one was over, I attempted to go to the pirate rock event at nine in the same room, but they were so loud they made me go all “Sensory overload!” and walked out immediately. I made a five-second friend with another girl named Jen wearing a fuzzy rainbow jacket, then I wandered up to the tenth floor to look for parties and hung out in the Llewellyn free book drawing event for awhile, flipping through books. I found one promising one, but for whatever crackassed reason they were not allowed to sell books there? (Later I found out it’s not actually out yet.) I ran into the other Jen there briefly, but that was the last I saw of her. Then I wandered to the Weiser Books suite and flipped through their books and tried out some new oracle decks.

Asking my question yet again with those decks, I tried the following:

Mystical Healing Reading Cards (I think this one isn’t out yet, according to the lady who brought it): I got “Access Clear Thinking” about not jumping to conclusions based on my emotions and take the time to look at all the options, and then “Experience Rebirth” about being asked to choose a new, slower path that requires true inner growth, and that old notions that I’ve created of myself will discharge from my life. So....sounds legit.

I then tried the “Mists of Avalon Oracle” and got Blodeuwedd, about reclaiming your self-expression and be faithful to your own authenticity, and Nimue, about seizing a window of opportunity and not procrastinating. “Work your magic and apply enchantment to your daily world” and “Use your magic to create a new reality.”

I ran into Monica after I walked out of that party and we hung out, and I told her about my dude experiences there. She was all, “Yeah, I saw Guy A and he looked like he was trying to do some sexy pose for me and then gave up on it. I think he just wants to get laid.” She also wanted to go on some kind of search for pot, saying, “I’m gonna be as high as Bob Ross is.”

I walked by Zoe, my ex-friend from college, and she cut me dead in the hallway. I guess that answers the question of whether or not we’re even on hi-saying terms....For the record: we have an ex-boyfriend in common and that’s approximately why the friendship broke up. He dumped us both and that was a buzzkill, but we used to at least be friendly at cons when we were in the same space. This rather bummed me out. I certainly get not wanting to reconnect with me because she has HELLA moved on, had kids, etc. (though I’m guessing she’s divorced since I did not see the guy she had been with and is using her original last name at lost and found), but it’s kind of a bummer anyway. I liked her for herself regardless of our mutual ex. But...oh well, what can you do, etc.

And finally, there was the event that I stayed up late for, the “Studio 78 Disco Diviniation Party,” promising songs that were picked out to go with tarot cards, having a 70’s (and a bit 80’s) theme.

This was fun. People had some fun playing with the glitter fringe decorations, having spontaneous limbo and running them over people’s heads. They sold light up disco balls on a keychain and I got one, which is the fulfillment of a lifelong dream there.

I will note that one guy showed up in see-through pants, making that the third penis that I’ve seen in a year, the first few being Redhead Sarah’s children. (FML.) That is the most “based on a technicality” outfit I have ever seen. It’s straight out of reading “This Place Has No Atmosphere” with the reference to a guy wearing a suit made out of clear plastic wrap for his senior photo.

I was pleased to note that Guy A (despite having said he was going to go to the disco) never showed up. Alas, Guy B did show up, wanted to dance, and ah... I did not know one could slow dance to “Disco Inferno.” So pretty much the same experience there of I tolerated it for a few minutes and then said thanks for the dance, I’ve had enough. He didn’t pursue me again after that, seemed to ignore me, was probably chasing other ladies and the like. So that was over with, whew.

Seriously, I am not used to guys finding me attractive at all. IT FREAKS ME OUT.

Today’s ribbons (again, mostly free table):
* “For the chance of Union”
* “I’m a (fill in the blank) seeking (fill in the blink)”
* “Bless Your Heart” and “Please Don’t Eat The Hoodoo” from the hoodoo class
* Black Cat Club
* “Be HEXellent to each other.”
* Dance Is Elemental

previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry