Chaos Attraction

Fantasy Beats Reality

2004-02-18, 10:04 p.m.

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"Sure, marriage is what we're all supposed to want. That's why people ask "Do I hear wedding bells?" not "Do I hear living together bells?" But, if you don't want kids, and aren't seeking a husband to pick up where daddy left off in the allowance department, does marriage really make sense?" -Amy Alkon.

I'm getting plenty of "you'll find someone else" comments from people. Pretty much everyone, really.

I don't really know what to say about it. I'm not sure if it's good or not. The way I see it, right now there's three major options:

(a) if I ended up like Rising and found a good one that would be around for life AND be equipped to be around for life (*faint* *thud*) , then fine, great, everything I wanted right there.

(b) At some point, probably quite a long time off from now, get another boyfriend who's great for awhile until he hits his expiration date and flakes off, cycle repeats. Ugh, don't wanna, not appealing.

(c) Stay single, fuck it all.

Honestly, in order of preference, it's (a), (c), (b). I can't say I'm all excited about (b), but that's the most likely one. Ugh. I don't want to try on men like shoes. (Especially since I have a bitch of a time shoe shopping as is. I will restrain myself from extending that analogy in excruciating detail, but let's just say I'm a hard fit and have a shoe graveyard.) Being single is like digging out comfy slippers in comparison. It may have been a long time since I was single, but it's always been natural to me.

And right now, single looks pretty good. I can have a pleasant fantasy relationship in my head with real or made-up people and not have to worry about the fantasy dude having any annoying real-life traits to deal with. I don't have to worry about the implications of having a close relationship such as having to worry about his finances like they're mine. In my head, imaginary boyfriends don't do stupid crap like, say, get $400 parking tickets and then forget about taking care of them so I have to nag about it. With imaginary people, I don't have to deal with anything! They don't do anything but worship me and pay their own bills out of sight while I'm not fantasizing at work. (Heh.) Really, if not for lack of nookie, one of those Boyfriends In A Box would be perfect for me!

Though I had a horrible thought today: "Hmm, I wonder when the next Star Wars installment comes out? It'll probably suck, but I'll want to see it anyway just in case. Who am I going to go with? I don't have a boyfriend to go with any more. Hmmm, the first one I went to with previous ex, the second one I went to with Dave... shit, that means I'll have to get yet another boyfriend to go to #3."

I had to check: the estimated release date of Episode 3 is May 25, 2005.

So, most likely by that date, I will have yet another Star Wars-loving boyfriend, right? He'll probably adore Jar-Jar just like the rest of them :P


There's nothing like a really pissy little puppet to amuse the fuck out of me.

Did a tarot reading for the first time in a coon's age- I finally got up the nerve to.

Celtic Cross reading, using my Quest Tarot cards (which are ahem, a little different from the rest):

1. Seven of Cups reversed- what seeker brings to the reading: Giving up foolish desires and choosing to face reality, making real choices based on solid evidence. Seeing things for how they really are. (Well, ain't that the truth.)

2. Son of Wands- what crosses the seeker, what road they are on: Forward movement, optimism, being true to one's self, energy and adventure, being open to life.

3. Hanged Man- far past influences: Flexibility, willingness to change, small delays, sacrifice. (Well, wasn't that true enough.)

4. Magician reversed- closer past influences: Energy blocked, stupid decisions made, hard to focus on problem, pessimism for the future, poor communcation. Not willing to make changes. (Oh hell yeah.)

5. Seven of Stones reversed- the general way things are going and how they will conclude if nothing is done: A slight movement towards better things, beginnings of a fresh start. (Surprise.)

6. Ace of Swords- near future: Clear thought, cutting through the chaos to the truth. Illumination of the real.

7. Multiverse- the person asking the question: Many choices ahead, trust in your ability to pick your path.

8. Five of Cups- outside influences: Broken heart, unsatisfactory relationship, loss of hope, being worried about the future, regretting the past. (Ain't that the truth.)

9. Six of Swords reversed- hopes and fears: Study and observation is needed to shed light on the problem, not enough information is known. (Could you vague that up for me?)

10. Aeon reversed- outcome: Resisting rebirth and renewal- both are still present, but the seeker is putting a lot of energy into resisting what is to come, finds it hard to give up the old life, is hanaging on to old, familiar ways. "Situations still move towards rebirth, but the reactions of the seeker are dead set against the necessary changes."

Figures, I suppose.

And people wonder why I believe in tarot? What here isn't appropriate to me somehow?

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