Seems like everyone's on my case about the future lately.

Everyone's asking if I'm going to get laid off or not, and honest to God, I have no idea. Nobody here has any idea as yet and won't for God knows how long either. I go back and forth as to how likely I think I am. Right now this minute, for example, I think I won't given some of the stuff my boss said the other day, plus there's apparently enough in the budget to get us new spiffy computers. Other days I'm in paranoid panic mode. But either way, I think I'm better safe than sorry and think it's more prudent to kind of assume I'll get laid off and at least save money accordingly.

I am essentially putting off living my own life until the summer when I know for sure. I have a long list of things I want to do when I know what's going on. If I don't get laid off, I want to get some much-needed electronic equipment. I want to go visit Anna for a bit. I want to actually have some official savings. And get one of those damn credit cards.

Dave was bugging me yesterday about how I REALLY should get a credit card of some sort ASAP so I can start building up credit. I am soooo not comfortable with doing that during this limbo period. I don't want to add something else to my life that requires monthly payments, if I may end up not being able to pay them off. Especially when the secured cards I'm looking at (since I was stoopid and didn't get a card in college, I am not eligible for anything decent now) are a year to 18 month deals and I need to put a fair amount of savings down that I can't touch for a year. He was griping at me, "If you're so worried, WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!? Get a savings account! Make some interest!" (Yeah, and the interest rate is so whoppingly high right now to take advantage of?)

Dave and Hill (separately) both think if I'm so worried about getting laid off, why don't I just go find a new job? There's plenty of jobs in the want ads. Have I checked in awhile? Etc., etc. Hill added in, shouldn't I be finding a career job by now? Do I know what I want to do? I think she's in that kind of mode since she now has three jobs that involve her Career of Choice. Too bad I don't want to work with children or I could have it made, I guess.

Realistically, I probably can't get a writing job here, unless I get lucky. And since I can't drive, I'm SOL anywhere else. And, well... I don't see me confidently learning to drive and getting my license any time soon, or even far. And even if I did, I can't really afford a car, maintenance on a car, and insurance for it on my salary. I feel stupid as hell for not driving, but even if I could drive, I wouldn't be able to support the driving habit anyway.

No, I haven't checked the want ads lately. I got rather tired of seeing nothing I was remotely eligible for beyond secretarial jobs, or seeing writing/editing jobs I would love but they're part time in Sac the last time I bothered to look. And truth be told, I don't WANT to go find a new job immediately right now. If I can hold on to this one, I will for as long as I can, even if it's dull. (My boss said about it the other day, "I'm not too mean, but it's boring as hell.") I have way too much on my plate right now to deal with as is. I don't need to add yet another massive change to the mess right now. I'm already overloaded, stressed, and headachy. I don't need to make it worse. I need SOMETHING in my life to stay the same and unchanging for awhile.

Hill has developed a weird thing ever since her best friend's wedding. Namely, she seems to have a hate-on for her friends' significant others.

For example, she used to like her best friend's husband back when he was her boyfriend/fiance. She hung out with them, she said nice things about him, she'd get him presents too. But ever since the wedding, boy, does she now think he's godawful. He's a loser, her parents hate him, his parents were glad to be rid of him, he wants to let (best friend) support him, he *gasp!* has opinions about what he wanted at the wedding (this is Not Okay if you are male, apparently), they've known each other for three years and that is WAY TOO SOON to get married (most of her friends have gotten married after less time, incidentally), etc., etc.

Then there's her friend Ryan and his girlfriend. Ryan occasionally has people up to his family cabin for a ski trip, and Hill was debating all last week about whether or not to go, because Ryan's girlfriend, some dickheaded guy she doesn't like and his girlfriend were going to be there. I actually know Ryan's girlfriend vaguely, and she seems nice enough but bland. Previously, Hill has not had much opinion on this girl, but ever since the New Year's trip, she now REALLY DOESN'T LIKE THIS GIRL. Seriously, that's how she says it. "I REALLY DON'T LIKE HER." She's a girly girl, she asks stupid questions, she follows Ryan around, and she doesn't fit in with the boycrew. It sounds like she spent the entire last trip bitching about her. If I had a buck for how many times she's said she doesn't like her, I'd be racking them up. She's about at the point where she wants to go to Ryan and TELL him how much she doesn't like her and how she doesn't want her to be brought along on "the gang" trips any more, only she knows the rest of "the gang" won't back her up on it. Honestly, I think saying this would be a REALLY BAD IDEA on her part, but she's gonna do what she wants.

And then there's my relationship, but we probably don't need to go into that, now do we? At least these days I'm trying to keep him out of her hair. Dave is not entirely sure if she likes him or not, and hell, I don't know either. Sometimes she says nice things, other times I get the other vibe. Who knows. But it's all rather strange.

I felt very annoyed reading this article in the school paper today. You see, the university is trying to get themselves a biocontainment lab to work on shit like Ebola and smallpox and whatnot- the very severe stuff. Not only do we have people in town who are not at all thrilled with this idea, even faculty and some scientists are bothered by it. As am I. I freely admit here that I'm a NIMBY about it. They plan to locate the thing on the edge of the main campus (where they currently keep the horses), which bothers me greatly because that is still just too close to people. I have no problems with UCD getting a lab- if they'd just put it out in say, a deserted area of the county or something where people are NOT close by to get affected if something goes "Oops." And while some of the bigshots are saying "Oh, there couldn't be an oops, and if there were it'd never get out of the building," do we really believe that? Uh, right.

Did I mention the other day that they sent around a big orange paper letting us all know that WE ARE ON ORANGE ALERT (right, just in case we missed that panic a week ago) and that guess what, universities might be a target? I somehow doubt we are right now, but if we got a lab like this, well... I am so not comfortable with it being here then. So much for a nuke-free town, eh?

Anyway, back to the article, where Mr. Bigshot outright said that he hadn't been taking any of the opposition to the lab seriously because he thought that the people here just object to ANYTHING new here on principle. (Okay, that's the City Council, but the rest of us, not necessarily.) He only decided to bother to listen when *gasp!* some of the faculty objected to it. *sigh*

Of course, we'll probably get the lab anyway, regardless of protest. That seems to be the way things are going in general lately. But I'm rather tired of seeing things I don't want to happen being railroaded through because the fatcats want it.

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