Chaos Attraction

Post Con Therapy Session

2018-02-20, 10:42 p.m.

I took the day off from work because I figured I was going to be totally zonked after Pantheacon, but since I didn't go to any 11 o'clock events or hang out with friends all night, I actually slept for most of the weekend (didn't do too much of it on Sunday for no good reason), so I didn't come home and collapse. I texted my shrink to say I had the day off and hey, you wanna meet in person for a change? (We normally do phone appointments during my lunch hour.) I hadn't seen her in most of a year, so we met up for Chinese at lunch.

It was a pretty happy day for her: not only did I pay her and we got Chinese and I wore another wacky outfit (the aforementioned rabbit skirt I wore at the con and a sweater I designed), she got to hear good news about stuff I learned at the con and that I have finally realized exactly what my ex is like (see Valentine's Day entry) and am no longer beating myself up for being "too needy" and "driving him away." I don't know what I did, if anything, but as far as I can tell, he was gonna chicken out and run away again no matter what I did, because that is what he does even at his age. She was all, "I told you so but you wouldn't listen." Yeah, good point.

Anyway...I am vaguely considering the idea of dating again (at least while Mom isn't single and is OCCUPIED), though I sure as hell don't want to actually try to date as in online dating. I know I am still conflicted on this shit and commitmentphobic myself. Shrink was all "you just DO it." I dunno about that. She was all, "well, once you decided to learn to drive, you did it, and other things." Okay, fine. Though she did tell me to uh...tone down the wardrobe because it would intimidate men. I guess, but really, no dude is going to live up to me anyway, especially since socially dudes have to dress so dull.

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