Chaos Attraction

Calling In Sick Todaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

2020-02-24, 9:54 p.m.

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Cast list as of November 2019

I stayed home sick today. Admittedly, when I made this decision last night (hell, even my mom, Ms. Perfect Attendance, encouraged it even though I haven’t told her what they said about me on Friday), it was along the lines of “Well, since being sick makes me even less likely to fake being Happy! at work, I might as well not go in,” I felt enough like roadkill after 9-ish hours of sleeping for it to be a legit call-in...and then I went back to bed until 11, and had some fun moments of coughing-till-I-nearly-vomited, which would have been a delight to have to do in public, so I’m glad I stayed home. I think I should call out sick more often. If I don’t feel well in the morning and they’ve got a meeting they want me to be Happy! in, I might as well stay home, right? They seem to have made it clear that if I am not 100% Happy!.... and I can’t even fake that on a good day, much less on a sick one, I guess I should stay out. As everyone says, let them miss me.

However, as per being a sick solo person, I was eventually forced to drive my own ass to the Dollar Store for more Kleenex boxes and orange liquids/ice creams/Popsicles after I pretty much cleaned out the stashes of such in my house. I am glad I didn’t crash into anybody. I ran into Meg’s son Ian and he was all “Oh, I had that last week.”

I guess I should be happy it’s not coronavirus (Mom: “Have you been around any foreign students lately?”). Just the usual stupid sore throat/stuffy nose/random cough/oh hell, there’s phlegm/random fever in my back thing that I just come down with periodically. I blame work for this. I don’t normally come down with major illnesses since the year 2002, i.e. I Blame My Ex, Typhoid Mary, for the year I came down with the flu and pneumonia and the last one was definitely his fault...but I will get this periodic minor bug out of nowhere once in a while when nobody else is sick and it always runs about the same sorts of symptoms as ever.

About all I did otherwise besides sleeping and incessant nose-blowing was redo the dang tie again, as I realized once again I’d fucked something up. I *think* I have it on the right size and track now, finally. (Also, it will be most thoroughly washed and blocked after this.)

Oh yeah, and catching up on television, such as “Zoey’s Extraordinary Boss.” Thoughts on this:

This episode is reminding me of Wonderfalls, a show most of you won’t remember because it was canceled near immediately, but was brilliant on DVD. The heroine of that show was harassed by various animals telling her messages like “Bring her back to him!” and would harass her incessantly until she gave in. In this episode, Zoey is followed around by “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” on repeat, after she “hears” it out of her boss, Joan. Zoey assumes it’s a work non-satisfaction, but since I, unlike Zoey, have heard music before, I assumed Joan was just horny. (Cue the marching band.) To which Zoey is all, should this REALLY be something I have to solve? Uh, yes, for several reasons that is completely inappropriate, but when the universe keeps giving you signs like a song following you around, I guess you have to.

There was a very Wonderfalls moment in this exchange: “Are you growing as a person?” “NO!” Also, the mom has what would, in Wonderfalls, be called a ‘sode.’

Next thing you know after Zoey resolves to help her boss....”She made me day drink.” Joan has her office in a fancy birdcage....? and has a giant liquor library. Every time I see these dumb weird tech things going on at Zoey’s work, I want to roll my eyes and go, “This place is like from the year 2000.” Admittedly, I get the impression from Jackie, who has done stints at everywhere but Apple (she hates Apple) at this point, that at least some of this crazy shit is still going on at Google/Facebook/YouTube, but seriously, didn’t everyone go through that “Entertainment 720” phase and then realize that they didn’t actually make money by having “fun” workplaces by now?

In Zoey’s dad news, Zoey has set up some program so her dad could spell out words, Admittedly, this is taking place like 20 or so years after my dad started having issues, but back then we didn’t exactly have the technology (or the connections like Stephen Hawking did, perhaps) to set anything like that up for my dad. And yet somehow I still feel guilty that we never tried any yes’no things with him? Though he lost physical coordination so I’m not even sure if he could have done that handwise instead of y’know, incoherence. Zoey’s mom is a bit disappointed that her husband is spelling out things like “No more Real Housewives” instead of “I love you,” but I think that’s crucially important to get off your television, personally.

Anyway, Joan’s husband Charlie is a pretentious dick and all the tech bros break into “Jesus Christ Superstar” over him. Dayum. Also, “If you lose your virginity in Better World--” “--Doesn’t count.” Then it went rather Gretchen Speck-Horowitz when Joan realized she could dump her dick husband (and “sing” “Roar”).

I about freaked when Simon sang the “No” song (“my name is no, my number is no...”) and then was all, “Sure, it’s fine.”

Speaking of signs, I literally did nothing but go to the grocery store today and came across like four of ‘em. Seriously, stuff WILL FOLLOW YOU AROUND, in my experience.

Though it does make me wonder: after years and years of fucking struggle at my job, I don’t really get any kind of insight or signs or anything about how to deal with the situation (unless one counts StevenBe’s class yesterday, anyway) and never have. Meanwhile, there’s a guy I like who likes me, even if it’s not going anywhere, and suddenly the world’s covered in hearts and rings? Hmmmmmmm to this.

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