I thought, “Okay, I’ll call in sick a second day and then go back to work. I will be magically fine by karaoke tonight.” (Oh, right, that involves sharing microphones...and hugging...waaaaaaah).

Um, no, I was not. I started out feeling a bit better, mind you, my nose cleared out for a while, it was pleasant lying in bed and being able to breathe, etc.

But, since I am having lung signs of “phlegm trapped in there like when I had pneumonia and then puked every other day for like a year” stuff go on here... I learned that to get rid of that shit, I either needed to do a hard workout at the gym or go jogging for several days in a row. I can’t go to the gym right now, so I had a very forced, slow slog of jogging around my neighborhood for an hour to hopefully work that shit out of my body. This was just as unpleasant as it sounds like it was, especially since I am not a runner even when not kinda ill. I did, however, continue to see hearts and rings all over my dang neighborhood. Yes, I know, post-Valentine’s Day, but still.

Then I went home, ate some orange sherbet for my dried-out throat, laid down for awhile....and then had surprise projectile vomiting go on all over my bed after I coughed so hard it set off my gag reflex. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE. I can’t even deal with getting the huge comforter washed right now, y’all.

Anyway, if I’m officially bad enough that I may end up surprise puking in public, and I do not want to do that at work, and it’s day two of me calling out sick and I can’t do a third day without a doctor’s note... I contacted my HMO and got one. More from the advice nurse than from whoever the hell my actual doctor is--I haven’t been to a GP in years and it looks like they assigned me to some random lady, bummer--but after I said that it’s a regular old cold, I’m just coughing so hard it sets off the gag reflex from hell, she said I could be out for the rest of the week. I sent it off to my boss, and voila.

I am bummed about karaoke though. And dealing with my bed, because man, I just can’t. I changed the sheets and attempted to clean off the middle layers that didn’t get too much on them, but it’s all over the main comforter and I am not up to dealing with the laundry situation here or laundromat right now. BLECH. Also I’m now thinking, man, it’s a good thing I didn’t eat anything worse than just ice cream here. So so much for preventing the vomiting! Maybe I just won’t eat anything tonight.

Mauricio called to check on me and while I was at it, I asked him how to deal with a Pisces dude since he’s the only other one I know. “We’re not psychic, we’re just good at analyzing things,” he said. Uh-huh.

Scott asked the group text if anyone was going to karaoke. Nobody else did. I am bummed that I could not when he might actually have. Wah.

In other news, I did a lot of EFT/tapping classes for a year here and once a year, this website does a “world summit” in which they put up recordings for 24 hours of interviews/tapping routines with other hippie folks. It’s both a great idea and a slight pain in the ass with the 24 hour limit thing, as it runs for around 11 days and some days are better than others for trying to find time to listen to 2-3 hours of recordings a night. Well, I guess I’ll have plenty of time to do that this week after all since I’m not going to work for fear of vomit.

So right now I am listening to “Ignite Your Deserving Energy: How to Tap into the Power of Your Heart Chakra to Allow Self Forgiveness and True Feelings of Self Worth.” (I’m not going to bother to link since it’ll be long gone by the time I get around to posting this.) And it really reminds me of well, work. How I’m always being blamed, how I’m always bad, how I’ve learned to take blame and apologize for shit I didn’t even do, and always saying “I should have known better” even if there was no possible way I could have known better. How I don’t have compassion for myself....but that’s because they really do not have compassion for me. They really just need to stop having such high standards of behavior for everyone in this unit. They expect perfection and who the hell can provide that? Especially while being buttmonkeyed and undermined all the time? They go on about our “core values,” but I’d like to note that “treating staff well” or “making sure staff don’t quit en masse or have nervous breakdowns” isn’t one of ‘em.

I’ve learned to not have compassion for myself because nobody else at work is going to have it for me. I’m not disagreeing that I’m wrong, because of course I’m wrong, there’s no question that I’m always wrong here. But for god’s sake, this is just too much for them to ask of a human being. I’m sorry I’m not 100% perfect enough, but who the hell is good enough for you? Seriously, who? If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, they would be so screwed on a lot of things. Especially the stuff I just have saved on my personal drive, which has the most current instructions for everything because it’s tedious to update the procedures webpage every time someone changes something (every few weeks). I have pretty much assumed that the reason why I haven’t been able to find another open door or window or skylight to get out of here--even during times where things were fucking dire-- is because a lot of people would be worse off without me. This is undeniably true, and I’m not saying it in a bragging sense of the word.

I feel very sorry for Tigress this week since she’s the only one left in our office/miniteam, and I know I will be punished enough next week doing double the workload because I was out, but god, I hope they realize how bad it would be without my being there to “help out” or work on the workload. Just think of it: this week they are down to two permanent staff members there out of a supposed six we should have, one of whom is “starting” a new job, and they will have lost both of our old temps and a third one was supposed to start this week and as they say here, who’s got the time to train them? So....good luck there! Have fun with that! I will be at home, coughing and trying not to vomit, and that’s still more fun than work right now.

In other news, I finished watching Aggretsuko, Season 2, which I stopped watching a while back because I was completely triggered/traumatized by the Anai-bullies-stalks-Retsuko plot. The last few episodes, it turns out, drops this entirely in favor of Retsuko dating Tadano, a guy who took driving lessons at the same school she did. She thought he was a slacker, turns out he’s a tech genius. So they start dating, the tabloids think they’re getting married...and then Tadano says he doesn’t believe in marriage or having kids, but wants to stay with her forever, and she can quit her job if she doesn’t like it, right?

This is where Ton, normally being an asshole most of the time, starts giving sensible advice again. And Retsuko decides she doesn’t want to quit because there’s nothing else she wants to do. This kind of made me go “huh?!” because they seem to be putting that in a positive light, like she likes being an accountant or whatever she is. I keep saying there’s nothing else I want to do because well, I just don’t care about other practical, reasonable job options I see listed. Stuff like technical writer or grant writer (which have been brought up to me) sound reasonable, but heck if I know how to make that leap and I don’t super care or feel strongly about whatever I’d have to do to get into those jobs. Well, I am more into technical writing, but there wasn’t much for that here when I was looking, and grants involve money which breaks my brain, so I’m less in favor of that one. There’s also oh, coding, but I strongly suspect I’m not smart enough for that one. Really, I’d probably be fine with my overall type of work if it wasn’t so tied to potential public service, and the management issues. I’m just not sure that there’s a place where those issues aren’t going on for me to go to because that crap sounds epidemic.

In the end, Retsuko decides to hijack Tadano’s limo and sing to him at karaoke that she really wants marriage and kids and can’t/won’t give up that dream, so they’re done.

Oh, and in other news, her friend Puco finally started her business...and then oh yeah, her employees are flakes and she didn’t bother to pay rent. Oops, live and learn!

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