1. Today we had a 4-month-old teething puppy visiting our office. One animal-loving coworker was not only having much fun playing with this dog on the floor, but she actually kept sticking her hands inside the dog’s mouth--and yes, she knew the dog was teething and bite-ish and did this anyway. The dog didn’t actively bite as far as I saw, but if one sticks their hands in a dog’s mouth repeatedly, one will get a little gouged and bleedy. Well, obviously this is coworker’s free choice on this one and up to her and she is grown ass enough to remove her hands from the dog’s mouth, but this was also quite bizarre. And seemed a little painful.

(Note: later I read something somewhere about how to get a dog to let go is to shove your hand harder down the dog's throat so it has to let you go. Huh.)

2. One of the shittiest people I have ever dealt with at work. Well. Where do I start with this one? They briefly worked in my office but spent most of their career working elsewhere trying to screw my office over since the 2000’s. They are very good at their job, will seem very pleasant whenever you see them in person, but behind a computer apparently grows horns and turns into the devil. I’ll be fair in that this person had legit beef with the company, BUT they behaved totally fucking unprofessionally. I think I have ranted about them before so will probably skip the entire list of shit they did again, but they *cough*quit*cough* a few years ago presumably before getting fired for their last bit of shenanigans once they got caught at them.

Well, after “a brief stint in the public sector” (I’m guessing that means “quit to avoid being fired” or “got fired” from the public sector), this person has been rehired at the company, in an office in my building, coincidentally. where X’s relatives work.

GOOD FUCKING GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE AND THE RUMOR MILL FOR X’S SHITTY REPUTATION TO HAVE NOT PREVENTED THIS? I e-mailed old boss and he was all “short memories.”

Well, at least I don’t ever have to deal with that office directly for technical matters so at least I won’t have to have my supervisor contact them to (not) fix anything any more, at least. But still, evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

(c) The Gumbo show no longer accepts everyone, because I was rejected from it and am not welcome. Seriously, they are actually booting people out, or just me at least.

My audition was bad--they wanted something better, preferably some singing apparently. I guess they are not too into monologues even beyond my sucking? They did not like that I was booked on 2 of the 4 days they decided to hold rehearsals on. And we have too many people and we can’t use you.

And I suck.
And I feel so fucking humiliated for being a rare person rejected from this show. If I can’t get into the easiest show to get into, how badly do I suck?

I am also still mad at him for oh, not telling me what the theme was when I asked. Why the fuck would you just not answer that? I would have had something rehearsed that was on brand had I but known, for fuck’s sake. I know, it’s my fault because I didn’t like, drive over there and pay money to go find the flyer myself, but this is still also kinda ridiculous.

Also, I am 40 years old and can’t get into the easiest of shows to get into and I SUCK. I clearly need to fucking give up trying at this. Storytelling is working for me, but clearly Nothing Else Does. Or more specifically, I don’t work for them. I will never get into a show or on a stage. Even as a tiny fish in tiny ponds, I suck.

I hate myself for trying. I feel so stupid. I can’t ever be in this show again and that makes me really sad. ALSO I GAVE UP ON DOING CERTAIN REALLY COOL THINGS LIKE TAKING A STORYTELLING CLASS I REALLY WANTED TO DO THAT WAS RUNNING IN MARCH JUST SO I COULD HAVE MORE FREE TIME TO DO GUMBO AND NOW I WASTED THAT AND I AM MAD ABOUT THIS SO MAD.

I had to shove all this down for the rest of work and then I had to teach on top of that and I was not in the fucking mood. I tried a new book at lunch to distract me and it really sucked and was boring so that didn’t work. At least my class went just fine, three out of four students did some grouting and the fourth one finished his project so he can grout next week, so they are happy and I am happy for them.

But clearly I need to fucking stay in my lane and accept that you can only do what people want you to do.

I have been drinking beer tonight and maybe I’ll just go to bed and cry now. And I signed up for a craft class that I had not signed up for because I was “supposed” to have rehearsals this Saturday, so there’s at least that.

I also get to tell my friends this and feel all ashamed again. Whee.

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