Chaos Attraction

Home Drinking And Crying Again

2020-03-05, 9:53 p.m.

See this day? It happened again today. With more yelling at Jennifer to come tomorrow and next week. I am home drinking and crying.

I would like to point out that if you force me to go to a meeting where I literally have no idea what is going on and nobody even tells me, no, I am not “engaged.” I got in trouble for literally every word I said in the meeting, down to my name and job position. My trying to be happy came off as “condescending” and I got reported on by the other people in the meeting. I really can’t fake happy and cheerful for shit. I can’t do this, not even to save my own life. “You fell asleep again.” I did not. “You should bring a notepad to meetings.” I do bring a notepad to meetings.

They both complain about every word I say in meetings because everything I say is wrong, and also complain when I do not speak up in meetings. I pointed out that since I’m wrong and in trouble both when I do and when I don’t, which is the least terrible option that I should pick here? “Uh, it depends.”

I’m not saying I am right. I am UTTERLY UTTERLY WRONG AND EVERYTHING THEY SAY ABOUT ME IS CORRECT. And yet sometimes I am all “this is too fucking much.” Tigress was all, “I didn’t notice anything wrong,” so there’s that.

Seriously, if a shooter comes into the office, throw me at him. I will take the bullets. Especially if they kill me. Because I HAVE NO OTHER OPTIONS AND WISH I WAS DEAD ALL THE TIME.

Yes, I did job hunt today, still can’t find any jobs that don’t involve finance or first point of contact.

In other news, the microfilm machine finally broke down spectacularly while my former bully was attempting to use it. We are all being harassed by some guy and being forced to find his ancient information, and the machine keeled over and tried to eat the microfilm while she tried to use it. I told her she didn’t break it, as the thing has been acting divey the last few times we tried to use it (and there’s eyewitnesses besides me for that) and it was about to keel over. There is apparently a microfilm repairman, so we’ll see how that goes. $200 an hour, I’m told.

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