Chaos Attraction

I'm A Chaos Butterfly.

2005-03-07, 1:25 p.m.

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Bridgett Walther continues to wig me out. Emphasis mine.

"For March 7: Your interpretation of recent events may make things seem worse than they actually are. You feel out of step with othersí views, and prefer being left alone today. You donít have much tolerance for interruptions, criticism or inconvenience, and wonít react well to annoying people. A planned endeavor may now seem too daunting, even intimidating. Tomorrow, however, is another story.

March 7-13: Itís almost as if youíre waiting for the seas to part or the bush in your backyard to burst into flame. Your stubbornness (something that should follow your name on your calling card) is blinding you to an inevitable date with destiny. You sense that the rug might slide out from under you, and have had this feeling for months, yet you remain fixed, proud and rigid Ė like a telephone pole just before a tornado hits. Since you know that changes, improvements, and serious talks need to occur, donít wait too long. This week is a good starting point."

I had just opened up this window and typed the title of this entry, about ready to bitch, when I clicked over to another one and read that horoscope. Fuckity fuckity. Normally I read the things to see if anything they predict actually goes on during the day, but events have already occurred this morning to put me in a spectacularly bad mood. And the goddamned nasty pervo who mysteriously showed up at work and who stared at me like I was an animal in the zoo when I was walking down the hall and wouldn't look away DID NOT HELP. Jesus fucking Christ, guys, (a) I'm not THAT hot, especially when I'm in a trench coat and the goodies are hidden from neck to ankles, and (b) DON'T FUCKING STARE AT ME. This is ESPECIALLY a lesson one ought to learn long before they hit the age that this guy probably was. I hate men today. I hate them a lot. Or at least the single ones getting in my face today.

My astrology teacher claims it's a combo of Jupiter and Saturn going retrograde. That's as good an explanation as anything. Ditto the PlanetWaves e-mail thingy saying today that "The Mars-Saturn opposition is exact today; it passed about two hours ago, though is still within several minutes of arc -- very close. This is a tense aspect, so please take it easy. People are edgy; I've had lots of letters about this." I'm so edgy I want to bite everyone's heads off. Thank god I have a job where I can hide in the corner and not have to talk to people much, because this mood would not go over well were I still working at the paper.

Also from the PlanetWaves e-mail thingy is another eerie horoscope: "What is security, really? It must have an emotional basis, because the people who live surrounded by the highest fences and who have the best burglar alarms are often the most afraid. The more emotionally isolated most people are, the less secure they can really feel. Often, in such a state, human contact itself seems to be the most dire kind of threat. The 'issue' of social contact is being pressed in your life. There is considerable pressure to open your home to someone or something. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you to pay attention, and I can tell you that you need what people have to offer."

ARGH.

And frankly, I have a feeling more of these events will go on. Chaotic shit keeps on happening at work- nothing at all bad, mind you, but it's still a bunch of stress and adjustment. One of the new people made a comment the other week that we're always having food parties and something or other going on, and I was all, "No, we don't usually." Except of late, when someone's either leaving or arriving every other week. Or this month, it seems like every single week.

You know what? By my standards of life (i.e. to quote Jess, "You can go about two weeks at the max before something happens"), January and February were calm and peaceful. Family stayed mostly out of my hair, I got to go drinking and dancing, I had fun at the gym, I took some classes. All was skittles and beer. Things were nice. I wasn't too stressy. It was kind of like the days before the flood. And I was foolishly looking forward to March and having nicer weather, and enjoying my last month of freedom before Eclipse Hell starts.

But nooooooo, evidently that won't be the case! Because the fucking Chaos Magnet has decided to reactivate itself again, and suddenly I have the feeling that March is only the start of the next Season of Pain.

And the people at the gym wonder why I insist on paying for a month at a time rather than a year's subscription. With me, you never fucking know. God forbid I make a plan more than 3 months in advance, or else something horrible will happen to fuck me up. I'm a walking chaos butterfly.

Likewise, people wonder why I'm into all the psychic shit. To which I say, after you've had as many downright weird, inexplicable, scary, bad luck, or otherwise wacko things happen to you as I have, (a) you start to wonder WHY this is, and (b) you will be paranoid and looking for any way possible to predict and prepare yourself for bolts of lightning.

You'll note that this doesn't work so well for the real doozies, though...

This gets really goddamned old. Over the weekend the weather was lovely, and thus I ended up enjoying the sunshine via shopping, and among other things I got this deck of cards. I normally don't buy non-tarot, non-playing-card decks, but I went for this one. Why, you ask? Because it had a goddess (made up, btw- I guess Eris was too scary for their purposes) called Atlantia: goddess of the unexpected. I was all, "That fucking figures."


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