Chaos Attraction

A Year Later

2021-03-07, 8:52 p.m.

Went to go see Scott today. The place was the fullest I have ever seen it on a Sunday morning upon opening--people kept piling in with their kids and I was all, is a class going on or something? It wasn't until 1 p.m. apparently. I started quietly wigging out about being around the most people that I've been around in like literally a year. Also, he was busy the entire time and I only talked to him for about a minute, enough to pass him the gift and that was it. He liked the front of the card, at least (I said "Later" to reading the rest of it, which he did this time). Not sure what he made of the rest of it, though he was trying to figure out the magnet stuff on the robots.

So....yeah. Sigh. Seriously, I just gotta get over this shit. What is the point.

I keep thinking back to this day a year ago, in which I also went to the yarn store/saw Scott and gave him a birthday present, was able to hang out with Ashley and Jim, did some karaoke, and had Chinese food in an actual restaurant indoors for lunch. GOD, I MISS CHINESE FOOD I DIDN'T MAKE MYSELF FROM PF CHANG'S FROM SAFEWAY. Reading that entry, and the future plans in it

That was one of the last normal days for me. I miss a lot of stuff and I am feeling sad and trigger-y today and flashbacking.

Collage Club: Sarah Brown has her Baby Yoda and is happy with it (Claire has also received her dumpster fire and is happy with that too). Doreen is doing tons of plotting out where to possibly buy a house in the future. Jade is continuing to manifest things she wants. Meg is trying to be non-judgmental. I am....well, I had other good things happen this week.

After everyone else had to go, Jade and Meg were telling me that I need to give up my fear and stop protecting myself if it doesn't happen, buffering myself if it doesn't, it's shooting myself in the foot. The fears protect us and make us feel safe. I said that I don't want to be The Crazy Person here, and obviously I have tendencies.

"Relationships never come out the way you think it'll come out, never," said Meg.

After that wrapped up, I exercised on the patio and read Sex and Vanity, which is so-so.

I watched "Fit For A Prince" on the Hallmark Channel. Same old, same old, minus Christmas: hot prince asks a girl out and she keeps being all "Why are you asking me out?" She works for a dress designer and wants to make her own career but her boss is thwarting it. The prince and future princess are very hot and attractive, of course. Prince Ronan is hanging out with "The Hamiltons," I'm not sure who they are other than just American snooty people or whatever. OH MY CATTY BITCH BEHAVIOR when one of the snoots calls our girl up and tells her to dress "SUPER CASUAL." And she's already in a glittery gown. DON'T FALL FOR IT GIRL.... OF COURSE SHE FELL FOR IT AND SHOWED UP IN JEANS AND A TEE ("You Only Live Once'). COME ONNNNNNNNNN. And then they won't let her leave to go change.

You know what this movie needed? For the girl (Cindy) to be smart enough to figure this out, show up in a large T-shirt and sweats, and when the bitches give their little speech, throw off the junky clothes and reveal there's a slinky fancy dress underneath it. I would have fucking loved this movie had they done that. But nooooo. AND THEN THE PRINCE SHOWED UP IN JEANS AND A ROCK 'N ROLL TEE. Suddenly I love him. ("You're not the only outcast here.") Then he starts playing pick-a-card with the audience and makes everyone pass balls around without using their hands. This amounts to a quick bit of sexy wiggling, which I was not expecting to see on the Hallmark Channel. While doing the same thing with the prince, Cindy of course manages to wriggle into a girl and ruin her dress with an accidental spill. Hi, karma! Good job!

"Certain feathers just don't flock together," one of the snobby girls says. Can someone please explain to me why the fuck "The Hamiltons" are in this show? Why don't we have an actual Royal Family around here instead of just these American posers? Also, why the fuck doesn't the king tell his own son that he's stepping down, but tells The Hamiltons first?! "To rei(g)n him in." The fuck?

OH NOOOOOOO CHOCOLATE FONDUE JUST GOT ALL OVER THE DRESSES!!!!!!!!!! Also, why is Queen Snoot Mean Girl suddenly being nice to her out of nowhere? "You just designed four new dresses?" Good thing your boss is gone. Less good: everyone else except one guy is gone. The prince will help even though he literally doesn't know how to sew! Somehow all the dresses get done in 24 hours. I assume the prince got food on speed-dial.

"I was somewhat partial to the chocolate fondue motif!" says the one nice old lady in the family. Also, "My dress makes me 20 years younger. Or maybe that's the brandy." Ronan brags who REALLY designed the dresses. I feel slightly bad for the boss lady at this point, but the boss lady offers her a partnership, so...hopefully this all works out?

He brings her to the ball and their first kiss is in front of everyone....and then she busts out into an awkward dance to random discordant music that started playing? Very strange.

I am amused at Hallmark's airing of this movie the same weekend as the Harry and Meghan interview. I assume that's deliberate, but man, what a contrast between TV prince dating and reality, which apparently IS ABSOLUTELY HIDEOUS because the royals are MOSTLY REALLY AWFUL PEOPLE.

"It was all happening JUST BECAUSE I WAS BREATHING."

Been looking forward to this day for awhile and this is how it ends. Now I have nothing to look forward to except for shot number 2.

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