Chaos Attraction

State of the State

2021-03-09, 8:59 p.m.

Nothing much to say about today at work either, it was quiet.

I am extremely happy to be getting the Pfizer vaccine since it does seem to be taking care of most of the variants so far. THANK GAWD.

Tonight I watched the "State of the State" with Gavin Newsom. It should tell you something that I'm watching something I'd consider boring AF voluntarily. Honestly, I don't think he should be recalled. I don't agree with every single thing he's done and god knows the fucking French Laundry was stupid AF, but he's done a better job than a lot of other governors and I seriously fear for the state if a Republican takes over and is all "EVERYTHING OPEN! NO MASKS! EVERYBODY DIE NOW! PARTY LIKE WE'RE IN NORTH DAKOTA OR TEXAS!!!!11!!!" I'm out of hope regarding the signatures, I just hope a lot of the pandemic hell is wrapped up by the time the recall election happens now so it won't be as much of a nightmare.

"I know our progress doesn't feel fast enough and lord knows I've made mistakes."
"But the state of our state remains determined."
* "This is a fight for California's future." (note the giant screen of Zoom claps)
* "We're not going to go back to normal. Normal was never good enough."

There is a Newsom buzzword bingo game. I honestly didn't notice him using any of that, but I did kinda zone after awhile, other than "hey, things sound like they're improving!" Also it was like a half hour long.

I am considering myself medium level into politics at this point. However, I have not become the sort of person who understands what the filibuster is (I have given up on trying to figure that out), or the "Byrd bath" from the other week. I'm not THAT wonky. But these days, you gotta be into politics, at least some of it, it's life and death.

Back to dragging through The Crown:

Episode 5: Smoke and Mirrors: the coronation episode.
Things I didn't expect from this show: a casual "Shall we fuck?" God knows I read some romance novel about Wallis and David one time and even they didn't do THAT or say THAT. What is it with people telling the fucking Queen what to do?
"It's been seventeen years, shouldn't bygones be bygones?" "Some things can NEVER be forgiven." Tommy won't take a lecture on being a national embarrassment from an abdicating king. "Favorite uncle?" is pushing it. Also, maybe don't insult the guy who took over your job when you turned it down?
Cat cat cat, cat cat cat, cat cat cat MEOW, this fucking dude.
Uh-oh, Philip Has Ideas. I am guessing that he's not going to get rousing applause for that. "I see. He went mad."
"I left Greece in an orange crate." Y'know, Philip might have some points about what happens when people get sick of a monarchy. Too bad IRL he'll probably be dead by the time that happens to his son.
David throws himself a "watch the coronation and make fun of it" party with all his friends.

Episode 6: Gelignite: all about Margaret's love life.
"I saw her picking a piece of fluff off a man's uniform." "I thought we did SERIOUS reporting here." "When this lot comes up against divorce, you get reformation or abdication." Okay, good point.
"As your sister, I'm never going to oppose it--" NOT SO FAST, ELIZABETH.
"Desperately dull. I've met more interesting plants." Hahahaha, yeah, I mostly gotta agree there. Also Philip is working on catching up to David's cattiness with that one. "This horse has already bolted."

Today's therapy was almost entirely whining and navel gazing. Same thing we do every week, Pinky. My shrink must get so bored of this, I'm bored of this. I had new news this week, good and bad, but it ends up in the same place anyway. My therapist pointed out that I was probably making him feel weird/embarrassed/uncomfortable, so he stepped back, said "it's not hot and cold, it's closeness/distance," if he totally wanted me gone he'd totally ghost me, and pandemic.

She said it's legitimate if I just want to give up here, but it won't make anything better either, and I feel like a stalker if I so much as say hello to him because I keep wondering if it's too much anyway. What do I have to lose vs. gain? Not much on the lose front--gee, I never talk to him again? Pretty close to that anyway. What I do lose is my self-respect, such as that is, though.

She suggested what to say to him in the event that I say something along the lines of "look, should I just stop bothering you or not, I cannot figure this out," and said "don't do it until two weeks after his birthday," which makes sense. I think I'll at least write the notes down somewhere, though who knows if I'll ever get up the nerve to say it. I've kind of addressed my issues with this with others (and got "I'm better in person" and "I can't talk these days" from others as responses, so I'm just not trying there much either), but this has a whole other level of weirdness.

Ugh. Honestly, I just need to get over caring this much.

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