Chaos Attraction

Ghosts of Exes Past

2005-03-10, 10:30 p.m.

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To quote an LJ friend of mine...

"Now, I have to go find a time machine and smack your 21 year old self upside the head for getting you into this mess in the first place.
Younger selves should just not exist. They cause too many problems."

Amen to that.

So last night, I'm on shift at the CC. Half of us are missing this evening due to a memorial service. So I'm sitting at the side of the counter nearest to the tool room (i.e. in the "help people check out" position) and the other two on staff are on the other side of the counter (i.e. where people walk in). I'm knitting and reading and minding my own beeswax when this dude in a plaid shirt and beard and looking like a lumberjack wanders in and asks for a spring schedule.

At first I don't really notice, but then it occurs to me: that's that guy.

To be more specific, this was a guy that I used to date. Not for very long, mind you. It was right after I got dumped by Previous Ex and this dude wanted to be my "rebound boy." He had been interested in me, but not so much in the whole polyamory thing I was doing with Previous Ex at the time. And since we were in the same crowd because our roommates were going out, naturally I was being pestered to date the guy once I got dumped. The guy was a nice fellow and all, and I probably would have been better off dating him than well, most people, but it was an "Everything You Want" situation. I was all kinds of fucked up after being dumped, and rebounding REALLY WASN'T A GOOD IDEA RIGHT THEN AND NOW. And yet, I went out with him a few times anyway.

Frankly, he deserved a lot better than me, because I was awful to him. I was squeamish about getting physical, and after about the third date or so he gave up on me, much to my relief. Then maybe a month later, he went to a party at our house and ahem, I had a drunken hookup night with Previous Ex in front of him. I can't believe I was that goddamned tacky. (But then again, this was the night the sewer backed up, so maybe that was my karmatic punishment or something.) So in short, he most likely thinks I'm an asshole. And he's absolutely right.

I am not kidding when I say that I'd like to go back in time and smack the shit out of my 21-year-old self. Goddamn, I was such a stupid asshole. I generally try to treat people the way I'd want to be treated, but this was one of the few times in my life where I absolutely didn't do it. Ugh.

Anyway...back to the story... I saw the dude, figured out who he was under the beard, and quietly split out the tool room door and snuck around into the back of the building, where I proceeded to hang out with the people in welding class, watching a demo (hm, welding isn't as hard as I always thought it was!) and being offered free food.
After he'd left, I came back and explained why I'd run off unexpectedly, and ahem, asked what classes he'd been asking about. My manager didn't remember, but the other guy on shift gave the line you'd expect- "Exactly the classes that you were interested in taking!" Hah hah hah.

Out of all of the guys I've dated that lived in this town in the last...bunch of years..., I would have figured this one to have long since flown the coop and moved out of town. But evidently this was not the case. I sure as hell don't remember crafts being one of his hobbies, but something apparently is. Probably something manly like wood or welding or photography, i.e. areas I will probably never take a class in. So I don't think I'd have to worry about taking a class that he'd be IN with me.

On the other hand, it's highly likely we'd be in the building taking classes at the same time. Or even worse, him taking a class on the night I'm doing a shift. In which case I'd have to wait on him personally. In which case, things will be really embarrassing and fucking awkward.

I don't know what to do. Pretend I don't recognize him? Say hi? Apologize for being an asshole? Sigh. I don't want the CC to be filled with my boy drama, dammit.

It's one thing to have Dave e-mailing me, but quite another for someone I haven't seen in...four or five years?... show up out of the blue. This makes me nervous. What, am I Scrooge and we're having a "Ghosts of Exes Past" week? When I go visit the parents this weekend, will High School Ex show up out of the woodwork? Will The Coworker I Shouldn't Have Dated (who got the same treatment as Everything You Want Guy, minus the drunken hookup incident) be riding on his bike next to me in the street when I go home? Or godforfuckingbid, College Ex suddenly decides to not play EQ for the day, comes on to campus, and runs into me on the quad? Dear god, that one BETTER NOT HAPPEN. I can't promise I'd be on good behavior at all if I ever have to speak to the bloke again. At least I know if he saw me and could, he'd run like hell. As would I, really.

Sigh. It's been a trying week. Adding to the fun, I found out TONIGHT that Jess will be moving to LA by THIS weekend. So much for getting together one last time before she goes, and of course she's too busy to do nothing but pack now, and I'm leaving for the weekend to help Mom clean. (Shoot me now. Please. I'm begging you.) But it's kind of par for the course. Ever since Mike got the job, she's been mentally outta here, and physically out of here as well since I saw her once since New Year's.

I do have to wonder about the universe these days- walking off with some of my friends, while bringing people I used to date back into my life. Most of this does not seem like a good thing. I feel like I'm being directed somehow...into a direction that I would not want to go into were these things different. My psychic spidey-sense is feeling tweaky of late.

It knows the Season of Pain has just begun, I guess.

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