Chaos Attraction

Ranch Dressing and Hidden Valley

2003-03-11, 8:56 p.m.

So, what have I been up to... Whole bunch of nothing, mainly. Buying e-books a lot. Spent another weekend at home alone, fairly bored, but availing myself of Hill's DVD player to watch "Is It College Yet?" If I ever get my own TV show, I've decided that I'll have to do a live-action Daria version of it. I'll call the episode "LADRP."

Yes, I'm deranged.

Mom's choice comments this weekend:

(a) that I need to find some other rich guy to marry if I'm not going to cook and clean (and do my womanly duty)

(b) that someday I'd HAVE to learn to "cook for three." Somehow I don't think she meant herself and Dad in there. Oy.

Oh yeah, and Grandma once again does not want me to elope.

In other weird news, the other night Dave and his friends were hanging out at this computer joint while waiting for others to show up for a meeting, and he was on AOL when I rebooted my computer. I said hi and then much to my surprise, Jeremy popped on. Certainly a change in tone there... Sometimes it sounded like Dave was on (Dave can use capital letters and quoted Monty Python), sometimes it sounded like Jeremy (sex jokes aplenty), but after awhile it was getting hard to tell...

And the conversation got, well, pretty much filthy. Jeremy (I presumed) was making jokes about orgies and sheep, I threw in some horses and pets, some comments were thrown in about a two inch penis, and then the conversation got REALLY weird... I'll never be able to think of "ranch dressing" and "Hidden Valley" in the same way again, I'll put it that way. It was raunchy, it was bad, and I wasn't entirely sure who I was even talking to.

Boy, is my life strange.

Today I asked Dave "Uh, when were you on and when was Jeremy on?"

"Oh, it was me, and him, and this guy, and Deb, and another guy..."

I was talking dirty to complete strangers on the Internet in front of my boyfriend. Isn't there an upcoming Jerry Springer show for people like me? Shouldn't Tenacious D write a song about it?

After reading the Very Secret Diaries of the LOTR cast, and stumbling across the newly created Camelot VSD (thank you, Columbine), I now want to create my own. Not quite sure of what, though, since I don't hugely want to go historical. Maybe just go geek and do Star Wars. I can see it now...

The Very Secret Diary of Han Solo:
Day 1:
Man, Jabba the Hutt is still on my ass about that money. Like it was my fault or something I got boarded. Even the best get boarded sometimes, dammit. Think Jabba's pissiness isn't really about the money, but that I rejected his advances at the last party. You'd think he'd be chasing the hot green dancing girls more, but nooo, he had to call me Captain Tightpants and want to see if my blaster "was in perfect working order." *shudder*

Though speaking of ass, it sure has been a long time since I got some. Found myself checking Chewie's the other day, until I realized that (a) he's got a wife and children at home, and (b) it'd be like doing a rug (c) that could rip off your dick if you didn't perform to satisfaction.

Think I'll just stick to finding a nice whore down in Mos Eisely and hope she doesn't give me the clap again. Bacta on your privates gets awfully sticky to get out of the carpet, if you know what I mean.

Hee!!!! I can see it now, Leia's VSD: "Why does everyone always bitch about my hair? YOU try finding a new hairstyle all the time when your hair hits your knees. I'm a busy girl, I can't Crystal Gayle it all the damn time."

Then again, I could always try writing this one VSD/Bridget Jones style for fun one day...


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