Chaos Attraction

Surgery Is Still More Fun Than Work

2016-03-11, 11:18 a.m.

So, the post-surgery report:

7:10 a.m. My periodontist told me that my mom could call him with questions. Which is fine by me because I cannot possibly answer everything she asks me. She calls me at 7 a.m. to demand that I call them and give permission for them to talk to me. Fine.

All day long at work: Let's just say work was annoying me quite a bit--one coworker in particular both can't and won't proofread for shit and my boss kept having impromptu meetings that went on for a long time and drama drama drama was going on. Honestly, the most I was left alone during the day was working the front counter, which was saying something. I mused, "which is worse, going to work or getting surgery?" I tried to get everything done before I left because god knows I'll have an avalanche to deal with next week after missing two days that nobody else is likely to take care of. I kinda hope a bunch of shit happens that I can skip out on having to deal with, like "oops, we're short staffed" and "hey, do this ridiculous thing for me ASAP." But probably not, they'll just wait for me to come back. It took me long enough to catch up after being out for 6.5 hours last Friday, for fuck's sake.

9:30 p.m.: According to Mom's phone call with whoever she talked to, I am NOT having bone graft surgery because I told them I couldn't afford it. Um, what?
1. Oh come on, since when does any medical professional let you skip out of anything because you can't afford it? Like they'd care?
2. Then why on earth were the words "bone graft" being thrown around in the consultation? Why was it when I asked the definition of a word on the surgical papers and asked if that meant "bone graft," they said yes? WHAT THE SMEGGING HELL? Then what the shit is going on?

Also, "they really think you should have a breakfast beforehand because your stomach might be upset." I do not eat before dentist appointments so I don't throw up on anyone. I am still amazed how often I have to reiterate this to people who should know better. Also, if my stomach is "upset," then there's nothing in there to come out at high velocity, eh?

4:52 a.m.: Wake up, because god forbid I actually get to sleep on a day when anything is going to happen. End up reading in bed until like seven.
7 a.m. Don't really bother to get dressed today because the day's plans are going to involve surgery and going back to sleep again.
8 a.m. Attempt to swallow a Halcion whole. Mostly kinda succeed except where I kinda accidentally bit it. Dawn then comes over and I show her how to work the Netflix before I get too wasted.
8:20 a.m. Kinda start slurring words, I think.
8:40 a.m. "Hm, yeah, perhaps you'd better drive the car around a little closer to here."

8:52: Arrive for surgery, where they make me pop another half a pill and do their best to numb me up. I end up gagging three times during the surgery, they end up giving me MORE numbing mouthwash, and I'm all, "see, aren't you glad I didn't eat anything ahead of time now?" As far as I'm aware while kinda stoned on sleep or whatever, they did a lot of poking and then sewed my mouth up.

(Supposedly they attempted to make the pockets smaller...somehow. Honestly, I'm not sure whether or not I want to ask about this or complain or what because I'm apparently too stupid to comprehend what they are saying and why waste their time when I'm too dumb to get it.)

11 a.m. Surgery did not take 3 hours as they said it would, Dawn barely has time to get a haircut. She brings me a smoothie as the periodontist required, I dribble on myself in the car and have to be wheeled out. I barely text Mom that I'm still alive and then go to sleep. Dawn goes out to watch Once Upon A Time on Netflix.
2:36 p.m. I wake up and pretty much feel fine, thanks. Dawn and I sit around eating ice cream.
4:15 p.m. Dawn deems me fine to be left alone and leaves. I spend the rest of the evening texting various people to say I'm still alive, Mom calling a lot, and catching up on Hulu. I am feeling fine other than already a bit stir crazy. Figuring out what to eat is the worst because according to Mom, I can't eat hot food or anything solid for two weeks (ARRRRRRRGH). I end up eating the leftover hummus in the fridge and ice cream. This is gonna be a long two weeks.
For the record, I'm not really in pain (hah), it just feels weird back there, like someone put stitches in (which they did).

You know what's lovely? Not having to go to work or even leave my house on a hugely rainy four day storm weekend. Muahahahahah. Sleeping in. Catching up on my sci-fi television and cross stitch. Looking out my window and going "nah nah nah, I don't have to be out in that or do anything useful."

Still don't know what the hell I'm going to eat though. Next week I'm supposed to be in a group photo for a "Guess the Weight" contest at work (yeah, that's weird, it's for a committee I'm on) and fuck if I know what I will actually weigh by then. I attempted to weigh myself on Mom's scale for comparison last weekend but the thing was busted, so...who knows. Then again, I didn't eat much for two weeks when I had pneumonia and lost like A pound, so....probably nothing much gonna happen there.

Am annoyed about the things I'm missing out on (improv weekend festival), but...well, this was the least inconvenient time to be out. Also that way I'm doing it while my volunteer job is temporarily closed, so I don't have to figure out what the hell I'm going to eat at the weekly potlucks. Probably not going to be eating much of anything, really. This is very reminiscent of having the wisdom teeth out, except the food issues last for a week longer. Can't wait until that's over.

But still, surgery is a lot more fun than work!

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