Chaos Attraction

You'll Know By May?

2013-03-18, 10:01 p.m.

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On Sunday I hung out with Jackie again. And she keeps asking about my future plans--you know, the ones I don't have and apparently never will. I kinda wish she'd stop asking, and said so since well, I'm not going to do anything after all and she is annoyed at me for not doing. And...let's just say that while she was being tactful, she was also pretty clear that she's tired of me being negative and a whiner who won't do anything and never wants anything badly enough to do it.

Me too.

She also got on me for not mentioning said former future plans to L--which I have done very little of considering that she came along after me realizing that well, I'm not going to pull it off. I didn't know she liked L so much upon meeting her, but she said really good things about her and was all, "You should confide in her about this stuff." I dunno.... even I'm tired of me being a whiner who never does anything and unless you're my shrink, I have been trying to cool it on this crap on people IRL. I need to stop pretending, and hit myself on the head with the anvil of reality a lot more. This is all I am ever going to be, deal with it.

I got the feeling that Jackie is rather fed up with me...so I think it is a good thing we won't be seeing each other for awhile, what with this being Birthday Season and everything getting very busy for the next few months.

In other news, I have gotten a lot better about roaming the streets of San Francisco than I used to be. For pretty much all of my life I've been super wigged out every time I have to walk around SF (except at holidays), feeling the crazy vibe in the air and generally feeling wigged out about it. But...what with all the time spent in SF of late, I have been less crazy about hitting the streets. Yesterday Jackie wanted to get to-go salsa at some restaurant on Valencia, and we had been trying to find a steampunk store that was supposed to be in that area. I actually walked around for a bit by myself while she was in line. I did so without incident, paranoia, fear or otherwise being attacked. Huzzah!

The steampunk store was very cool, btw. But....man, I cannot do just wearing nothing but black and turdalicious brown. It's so....dank and dark, you know? When I make my own outfit, it's going to have to be...more me.


My Sunday was fun. In reverse order: I went to dinner with Merry and went out for Thai food on St. Patrick's Day, I attempted to figure out stuff to buy at the hardware store (will probably enlist Merry for this later), I went to an art gallery, I went to the bookstore and Urban Outfitters in Sac--I found hair chalk, which I look forward to trying out the next time I have a full weekend without relatives around-- and I went to a hippie festival.

I'll admit that I was going to the thing on a scouting mission: I hear these stories on occasion about people who have gone to professional....okay, psychic hippie types...and were totally blown away. I'd love to have one of those experiences, but every last one of those stories comes from people who got them from people who are geographically undesirable to me. I am not going to haul ass to (to cite someone else's recent example) a spa in Santa Fe for that.

Admittedly, when I go to the professionals, I go to the cheap professionals, the ones without a whopping waiting list and don't charge $250 for a half hour or whatever. Perhaps it's a "get what you pay for" situation there, but I'm not willing to pay that much/make Dad roll over in his grave unless I am pretty sure it's gonna be worth it. I don't mind so much doing the blind pig-in-a-poke thing when I only paid $10-20 for it. I have a similar philosophy when it comes to shoe shopping, since my feet are whining bitches and hate 80% of the shoes I have ever bought. Okay, so I don't live in flip-flops (DSW is my jam, which ranges from "hey, that is darned cheap on sale" to "okay, normally that's quite pricey, but here that's a reasonable price."), but I'd be really ticked if I spent hundreds on quality Danskos or the sorts of shoes they always have on trashy lady television and then still couldn't walk a block down the street in 'em. Tons of money may or may not equal quality at times, as far as I can tell. But I think it's probably easier to judge shoes than professional hippies.

....Yeah, I just compared shoe shopping to psychics. I don't know what's wrong with me. Actually, I do know what is wrong with me-- I am writing this up on Monday and I had a shittastic day that I cannot talk about openly on the Internet and the rest of my week is going to be even worse because today is the "easy" day--but why my brain went to the shoe place is beyond me. I will blame it on the chocolate wine I started downing when I got home.

So my plan for this event was that I figured (rightly) that the local pros in this area would be there and I could scout around in person and see if I got any specific vibes to consult with any of them one-on-one. I do better on judging people in person. I am sad to say that I didn't really get any kind of psychic ping to consult with anyone. I just got a lot of "meh" on that. So I ended up spending almost all of my time at this thing going to the talks. One was on using a certain kind of rocks for massage purposes--pretty fun, actually. The second talk was a brief one on palm reading, in which I found out that I am a social hermit--boy, is that ever right--but I give my power away because when I am in a bad mood I look to whine to humans about it, and I shouldn't. YEAH, I REALLY SHOULDN'T (see Saturday).

The third one, however, was a channeling session. Which was...in all honesty, what I came there for. I give the lady credit for going around the entire room and giving everyone specific individual messages, three times apiece.

It was...an interesting experience for me. I really wasn't expecting what came out of her mouth right off the bat. She pegged me by description, i.e. row and outfit, but well, I have not been job hunting whatsoever, but she mentioned two jobs that would be offered to me down the road--NOT that I went hunting for, that got offered. One nearer and one farther away. Two paths, two roads...."you'll know by May" was specifically said twice. Along with "tough it out."

May, huh?


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