Chaos Attraction

The Water Bottle Incident

2006-03-21, 10:37 p.m.

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People keep saying stuff to me about how they think I'm more assertive and strong now.

I have to say that I don't really agree. Okay, so I've probably improved from what they've seen of me. I've gone from back when I was 20 and stupid thinking that if my boyfriend moved to Alaska (note: I hate cold), I'd have to follow him whether I liked it or not, to refusing to move to Modesto, to refusing to do well, anything for love. ("I won't do anything for, I won't do that either.") I've gotten a lot blunter in the last few years because I don't so much care about not trying to hurt feelings as much as I used to. I mostly end up doing what I feel like in public- wearing velvet on a weekday, reading books as I walk down the street- because I'm not afraid of the Conformity Police coming along and beating me up for being weird any more the way I was in high school. (Okay, so that was more like I got gum thrown in my hair and sexually harassed.)

But that still doesn't mean I haven't stopped being a total wimp around here. I am certainly feeling the Wimpiness of late with this whole apartment-searching thing, not to mention dealing with management. I sure as hell don't feel up to doing that. (Course, I'm also bitter because the place I've been eyeing for years in the event of this occurring turns out to only have openings a month before and a month after my lease ends. What the hell? I've only got about a week and a half and this was the one place I knew of and was interested in, dammit.)

I did have a strange moment today while at the gym, one that is making me wonder what the hell is going on with me, and if this is a good or bad thing or not.

I had finished drinking all of the water in my bottle, and headed over to the drinking fountain to refill it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone about to line up behind me.

I have to explain this: I HATE when I'm about to do something that's going to take awhile and there's a line of people behind me who most likely are doing something much shorter than I am. (Say, I'm at the grocery store with fifty items and the guy behind me has 2.) I hate knowing that someone is stuck waiting on me while I "take my time" (and theirs). God knows I hate it when it's the other way around. Normally I'll do whatever it takes to get the hell out of their way. And filling up your entire water bottle, while a common thing to do there, takes a lot longer than just bowing out of line and letting whoever's behind me get their drink first.

Tonight, I didn't let the other guy go ahead of me. I was snottily thinking, "Let him wait", as I hogged the faucet.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, to be acting like that.

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