Chaos Attraction

Enjoy Your Virus!

2020-03-22, 10:24 p.m.

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Cast list as of November 2019

Is there a point in filling out the census if thousands at least are going to be dead after they fill it out? Just wondering. Might as well postpone that to 2022.

Today I finally caved in and cleared off my back patio. For those who don’t recall, some shithead has been vandalizing it. First they removed EVERYTHING from it while I was on vacation a few years ago, and then after I put more things out there to replace the old stuff, they went through pulling stuff out of the yard, making a mess, and leaving a chair on top of the table just so I knew they were there. Very “Wet Bandits” calling card there in some respects. At which point I gave up on using the patio and didn’t touch it for like a year (even though I did get a security camera--what’s the point, it’s not like the police are gonna do anything) and let them win, because what else could I do?

However, if there is any fucking silver lining to everyone being on quarantine and trapped at home, it means that the vandal is presumably much less likely to get up to doing anything else on my patio these days, right?

So I spent an hour picking up all the trash--someone even threw a box of random stuff into my yard--why?--and throwing it and the box o’ crap into the “doorway” of the patio, where I just piled up random shit that was thrown in there (or to be fair, blown in on windy days, because that happens). I piled up the two crappiest of my lawn chairs that I don’t like much but got off free for a neighbor behind that as a sad attempt at a barricade. I put the decorations back into the ground where they should be. Then I spent a lot of time cleaning dirt off the remaining chairs and table. Amazingly, one of the plants is still alive there, which makes me wonder if it’s plastic or something. So now, theoretically, I can use my own patio again.

But I made a sign out of cardboard and propped it up on one of the junky chairs that I put by the doorway. It says: “Hi vandal! I have personally coughed on, touched, and contaminated everything out here. Enjoy your virus! :)”

While I was cleaning, I briefly saw the head of a neighbor I hadn’t seen before--the only people who would actually see the patio otherwise, I suppose--briefly sticking her head out to do something with her shoes or something. Hell, I didn’t even know I had a female neighbor there--I’ve only seen a dude go in occasionally. So presumably if those people actually use their patio (I am guessing from the random stuff out on theirs they don’t really), they will see and presumably think I’m weird. But...whatever.

I attempted to get over my new agoraphobia today by getting my mail. Thank you to the person who sent me a thermometer, even though I was afraid to check my mail for days. I also opened the packaging of the book I ordered (after all of these have sat around for 24 hours....jesus), threw it into the recycling, and went through decontamination protocols afterwards. Then started sobbing while writing the thank you note.

I was going to make myself go for a walk today, but frankly, all of that was enough.

Today I caught up on Hulu shows, so here’s a review of “Zoey’s Extraordinary Night Out.” It’s Simon’s engagement party, which everybody ends up at other than Mitch, who is left home with some partying old guy friend of his. We’ll get back to that.

Max thinks that after breaking up with Autumn, he can continue to stroll into that coffee shop like nothing happened. Max thinks he wins at breakups. Autumn, on the other hand, is singing “You Give Love A Bad Name,” so no, you shouldn’t go there any more. After this incident, Mo decides to make Max over, takes him back home, and has his shirt off, which Zoey sees and ooogles at because much like William Jackson Harper, Skylar Astin is stealth six pack guy. (I don’t think those exist IRL, really. Only in Hollywood, y’all.)

Even though Zoey and Simon don’t do anything and he leaves, Zoey still feels bad about it, and freaks when Jessica the fiancee keeps calling her. Turns out she just wants advice about whether or not to put pics of Simon’s dad in the slide show (I hear ya, awkward). Zoey votes to put them in. We also find out that Jessica is a bit foot-in-mouth when she says that if what happened to Zoey’s dad happened to her, she’d jump off a bridge. Zoey gapes at this and I am all “geez, having been there and done that, it wasn’t THAT bad.” Anyway, I’m inclined to say that whatever difficulties Simon and Jessica are having, it’s based around awkwardness involving his dad’s death, and she may mean well, she just...says stuff. When Joan says she just signed divorce papers and wants to go drink tonight, Zoey takes her up on it rather than go to the party, but Joan basically just wants to sing “Tik Tok,” pre-game drink and THEN go to the party, so, awkward.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Jessica gets psychotically jealous, and overhears Zoey and her mom when Zoey is angsting about the situation. During Simon’s speech, Jessica busts into singing “Say My Name,” and things get confrontation-y, and Jessica yells at Zoey to leave, and Zoey accidentally sets the rose wall on fire.

Then Zoey gets a call from her mom, saying that when Mitch’s friend was putting him to bed, dad fell. Now, I already had the bad vibe about this when I heard that some random friend guy was visiting and going to take over the whole going to bed routine. Anyone who’s done caregiving (or in my case, been around the house but not actually in charge of same since I’d moved out) knows goddamned well that if you ever leave your charge alone for so much as a fucking day, in the hands of anyone else so you can have a good time for a few hours, some HORRIBLE FUCKUP will happen, and your charge will end up in the hospital, nearly dying. Most recent example: Jackie’s grandma nearly ending up in diabetic coma when her aunt took over for a few days so Jackie could go on a trip. This is even worse since I’m assuming that friend-guy isn’t a professional caregiver and hasn’t ever done it before. I’ve seen Jackie have to give constant instructions to her aunt over and over again. You just don’t hand off the baton and assume someone else can take care of him. Hell motherfucker no, it doesn’t happen.

Okay, rant over on that... I daresay the showrunner knows from experience and that is how this became a plot point. Zoey already can’t get a rideshare as is (Warriors game), so Max says he’ll get her to the hospital somehow, and then sings “500 Miles.” I admit, I am still not into Skylar Astin and I wouldn’t want to date his character on the show (not arguing with Autumn’s assessment of him!), but this is very sweet. He also well, tells a guy who’s about to rent a scooter to buzz off, and rides a drunk Zoey to the hospital.

The show has made it clear: Max is the endgame. I don’t know how I feel about that.

At night, I watched the Rosie O’Donnell Show fundraiser on . They certainly raised a lot of money and got a lot of people. Probably what was most affecting was Gavin Creel saying he most likely HAS it but can’t get tested (one of his costars got diagnosed)...and then they had on Miranda Sings, who kept going on about how she was now going to catch it from Gavin Creel. I’ve never watched Miranda Sings (frankly, she doesn’t sound like my thing) and well, I don’t get if she thought that was funny or what, but ugh. I was just not enjoying her act.

I finished the rest of the patterns from the Arne and Carlos knitalong from last week though, so that’s good! Now I am all caught up.

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