Chaos Attraction

Things I Wrote While Waiting For UPS To (NOT) Come

2005-03-25, 11:00 a.m.

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8 a.m.: So, I have the day off from work today. It's "Cesar Chavez Day," a day I suspect will be the last time we celebrate it due to budget cuts (I hear they want to get rid of some of the freebie holidays).

What am I doing on my day off, you ask? Okay, you're not asking because you saw the title of this. I ordered two books from Amazon last week and they totally bait-and-switched me: deciding to send them separately instead of together as I requested, and sending one of them via UPS. Had I had nothing to do all day and been sitting home on Tuesday, I would have received both books, one via UPS and one via USPS. I do NOT get why they did that. Anyway, I managed to finagle the stupid computer system into taking advantage of my day off, and I've been up since sevenish waiting for them to show up. In another 45 minutes I'll start waiting outside my door again, since they normally seem to show up between 10 and 11:30. I have a backpack packed with knitting and books and magazines for this purpose. But right now I'm just watching from the side door, with no TV on to MAKE SURE I see if someone came up the walk and actually deigned to knock.

Anyway, I'm bored and my life is on hold for a few hours until they show up with my book, so I'm writing an entry. I'll probably go to the gym after this, then come home and change clothes and watch something taped or on DVD before it's time to haul ass to the train station. In the meantime, all I can do is hit refresh on the UPS page a billion times and watch the kittens run headfirst into the coffee table legs and ricochet off them fifteen times. Whee!

8:15 a.m. This will be a really dull entry. Just to warn you. I won't be offended if you skip it.

Speaking of my beloved gym, I haven't mentioned that during spring break time (since my classes are all done or on hold because everyone's brains turn into spaghetti during finals) I've been going more. I actually went for 3 1/2 hours the other night. I used every cardio machine but the rower one (which I hate), and still felt fine afterwards. I am so proud of myself, you have no idea. I also tried taking a few new classes there. They still offer "group exercise" classes during finals, but at odd times and the classes are shuffled around. So I finally got to try taking beginning step (hah, just as hard as intermediate), another toning class, and an aerobic boxing class, which I'd so take again if it fit into my schedule. I'm hoping I can squeeze in going to the midday abs class today if UPS gets here before 12:30.

8:37 a.m.: I'm going to have to go to the eye doctor again this weekend *sigh* I'll have to explain this one a little bit before I get into why. My glasses prescription has not changed in years, but my insurance pays for a new pair every year. So the last time I got new glasses (around 2003) I selected the silver pair I've got now BECAUSE they came with matching clip-on sunglasses. I'm so bloody sensitive to light that I can get sunlight headaches from a closed window before I even open my eyes, so I already have to get sunlight-changing lenses on the regular glasses. And that's STILL not enough to prevent headaches, so I have to get clip-ons as well. On the one hand, clip-ons are great because you don't have to switch glasses. On the other hand, the little buggers are fragile and can't just be jammed in a pocket, and you know how people will hang their sunglasses off their shirts? Yeah, you can't do that with clip-ons. At some point in 2004, my clip-ons fell out of my backpack pocket, and it was Much Drama to get them replaced. They told me the glasses were discontinued and I'd BETTER NOT EVER LOSE THEM AGAIN, BECAUSE THEY COULD NEVER BE REPLACED.

Well, guess what I did on the day of my last eye doctor appointment? I had VERY CAREFULLY put the damned things into my purse, I remember this VERY CLEARLY, because I DID NOT WANT TO LOSE THEM, and guess what I did. Even worse, I discovered this right after I'd had my eyes dilated, when you desperately need heavy dark sunglass power, and I had just been handed some sunglass flimsy thing to wear with said clip-ons.

So naturally, the sunny season is coming (as soon as the rain here stops), and I will desperately need sunglasses. And the aforementioned pair of glasses I have are *slightly* too small to wear standard generic clip-ons with, and I can't find my spare glasses due to Ye Olde Floode Issues. So last night Mom said, "Well, I already have to take your father over to get his fixed, I'll take you over there on Saturday (I'm getting my hair redone that day, YAY) and you can talk to them about looking for another pair of clip-ons, OR getting prescription sunglasses." Insurance will pay for the latter, but not the former. Then she got on me that I would inevitably lose prescription sunglasses OR my regular glasses if I got a pair. Argh. I don't know what the hell I'll do, but part of me is all, "Fuck it, I might as well try a pair of prescription at this rate." I always wanted regular sunglasses like everyone else in the world can wear so I could look mysterious and cool (rather than dorky with the clip-ons- but then again, I AM a dork, so that's a lost cause anyway). Maybe I'll just go for it. But either way, something has to be done so I don't buy out an entire drugstore's worth of Excedrin the entire spring and summer.

9:02 a.m. God, Tom the kitten is totally fucking wrestling the back of my chair right now. I just thought I'd share.

9:12 a.m. I bought a ton of magazines yesterday out of sheer boredom. I can't find the new BUST magazine (with Amy Sedaris's lemon nipples. Yes, really) for crap here- supposedly it comes out on the 29th, but it seems to be coming out earlier in places. But not in the magazine store last night, apparently. (I'm tempted to go by the other place in town that sells BUST today, but I somehow doubt I'll have the time with waiting for UPS and the gym and all.) So I ended up buying an astrology magazine, a feminist magazine nobody's heard of, a beading magazine, some scientific magazine, and Jane because it was $1.99 and what the hell. I've found of late that magazines are the easiest thing to read while working out on certain machines, and I can donate the boring ones to the gym anyway. Plus I'll have a train ride to sit through today anyway.

9:30 a.m. Chris has finally left for work. Dunno why he's so late about it today, since normally he leaves when I do. Anyway, I figured he'd be shocked to see me around today, but he staggered out to the fridge, said hi, and walked off with no commentary. Go figure. I guess he's not too verbal in the morning either.

10:03 a.m., and I just had a false alarm. A big ol' white truck pulled up, and a guy with a clipboard got out. Now I knew very well that probably wasn't UPS, but since I'm operating on paranoia when it comes to UPS, I left the house to go watch the delivery guy as he wandered around the back end of the building anyway. When the driver of the truck pulled up far enough for me to see what they were, it turned out to be a piano and organ movers truck.

10 a.m.'s the time I said I'd go outside and wait. I'm debating whether or not I want to when I've got a window view going on. UPS still hasn't updated the site beyond 11:30 last night to indicate if the package is "out for delivery" or not. I could have slept in until 10 a.m. by now. The weather seems to keep shifting between "going to be bright and sunny today" and "watch out, storm clouds approaching" yet again. Meh on March, meh, I say!

10:07 a.m. Which reminds me: Easter should always be held in APRIL, dammit. Now other than my birthday, what do I have to look forward to in the month? I don't even get any free days off then.

10:17 a.m. Not too many people updating today. Makes blogging funny links for the day difficult. On the other hand, anyone bored and at work today may very well find this entry fascinating, out of sheer lack of other fresh material to read.

10:19 a.m. I am kind of thirsty, but am doing my damndest NOT TO HAVE TO PEE TODAY. Because you know if I take 30 seconds to pee, they will show up, not knock, leave a note and run away. Mom said on the phone last night when I announced my plans to not pee after 8 a.m. that I could "just leave a note for them to knock loud!" Right. This would be assuming they even knock AT ALL. Which they don't. No pee for me!

10:20 a.m. The organ and piano guys just drove by again, prompting me to spring from my chair and go check the truck, Just To Make Sure.

10:23 a.m. Why is it every day I go to work, they can update the UPS tracking device to say that a package went out for delivery at 8 a.m., EXCEPT FOR TODAY?

10:31 a.m. Some poor fool is trying to call my roommate. Much to my surprise, she actually heard and answered the phone. I guess she may have to get up earlier than usual for work today.

10:40 a.m. I wanna go book shopping. But seriously, I canNOT find any books in the stores here of late that I want to buy. Which is sad considering there's (a) two used bookstores, (b) the school bookstore, (c) the indie bookstore, and (d) Borders to choose from. Instead, all of the ones I want of late are from Amazon only. Which well, lead me to THIS today.

Refresh does NOTHING.

10:44 a.m. Heather is trying to get off the phone, saying she has to go. Guess explanation time is in order.

10:50 a.m. Heather is STILL trying to get off the phone. And people wonder why I hate long chatty three-hour-long phone calls- the people who call you never want to get off.

10:57 a.m. STILL NO FUCKING SIGN OF UPS.

Heather seems to have gone back to sleep.

11:02 a.m. And now I have officially read everything in my Bloglines account.

11:04 a.m. Am now on to reading spat on Washington Post on how Carolyn Hax supposedly tells everyone to dump their SO. (Well, what do you expect her to say? "I can tell you how to change him. Just pull a rabbit out of his ass and he'll do what you like!"?)

"Washington, D.C.: Carolyn, you need to change the name of your column from "Tell Me About It" to "Dump Him."
Carolyn Hax: Actually, it would be "Dump Him/Her," and that's so clunky. Maybe a more neutral, "Stop Telling Everyone About It and Effing Break Up Already."

I love Carolyn Hax.

11:15 a.m. Now I'm getting hungry. Which means I will correspondingly get thirsty when food is put into my mouth. And I can't drink.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

I could have finished watching all of my shows on tape by now were I not stuck listening for the door.

11:22 a.m. Am getting sleepy, too. Am trying to pack more stuff up for the afternoon's haul across town to the train. I want fooooooooooood. Not that I have much here, mind you, since I ate all the snack food except for the turkey jerky and I don't want to start cooking something and not be sitting smack dab in front of the window and miss the UPS.

I cannot fucking believe they haven't shown up yet.

11:25 a.m. FedEx truck just drove by. Went outside to check door to see if a note had been hit-and-runned on me already. It hasn't.

11:28 a.m. Saw some random blonde wandering around in the street and got up to check if she was UPS.

I have so stopped trying to put actual content in this thing by now. Didn't I have other stuff to write about?

Am now on to slogging through e-mail.

11:35 a.m. My blog thinks I'm trying to post comment spam to it. It doesn't bust any of the ACTUAL COMMENT SPAM, mind you, but when the OWNER of the site actually posts a response once in a while, I'm clearly spamming myself.

Btw, spammers? Nobody uses the term "surfed in to your site."

11:40. a.m. STUPID YAHOO MESSENGER! NO, I DO NOT WANT TO LOG IN TO YOU!

Maybe I should just give in and eat some CupaNoodles already. Try to drain the water out.

11:44 a.m. Why is a kitten trying to climb the window?

12 p.m. Thought I heard a *tiny little knock* on the door. Ran like hell. No one there. This happened TWICE.

12:01 p.m. I see the truck!

12:07 p.m....and it just went around the corner without flipping a U-turn (in this neighborhood, anyone coming over here has to flip one). I stood outside waiting and waiting for it to come back, but noooooo.

In the meantime, an SBC van drove by and the mail truck just came. Good old US Mail! Who actually delivers packages!

Maybe I should go outside and wait officially now.

And dammit, I have to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

12:12 p.m. Soooooooooooo thirsty.

12:13 p.m. Had sip of Gatorade. Still thirsty. Will now probably have to pee like racehorse till 5 p.m. for taking one sip of Gatorade and pouring out the liquid in the CupaNoodles now.

12:17 p.m. Started having gushing nosebleed, which thanks to my decongestant I have about 5-6 times a day. Saw guy in brown walking past door and ran to it, even with gushing nose. No knock, no guy anywhere about when I opened door. On the other hand, (a) no note either, and (b) dude in brown that was probably from SBC (wearing tool belt, carrying clip board, also wearing jeans and ponytail) was probably the guy.

12:31 p.m. Am answering the various comments in the journal (evidently some other folks are equally bored today). Am surprised at the things people don't notice.

12:35 p.m. Checked door. Still no note. Keep checking website. Still not updated. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, NOTHING!!!!!!

So much for going to that abs class at 1:15. I'd have to leave here by 12:45 to make it, and a miracle ain't gonna happen today, is it?

12:45 p.m. Nope, no abs class after all. Hell, I may not have three hours of time to go to the gym now. Course, I can't leave the living room to go change clothes now either.

Have started reading a message board thread that is pissing me off. Some girl's work won't pay for her to travel for work, and she's going to the city an ex of hers and his fiance live in. (They last dated NINE YEARS AGO.) And her fiance is having a pissyfit about her ever wanting to go stay with the ex and his fiance in the first place when they invited her. And then there's all these people in the thread going on about how you should respect a jealous partner's wishes, it's "disrespectful", blah blah blah. I probably won't post in it because I'm halfway through a 3-page thread and it's now a "fuck you!" "no, fuck you!" fight between anonymous idiots, but this is what I would say were things still on topic.

I am not a jealous person. I cannot stand unreasonably jealous people. And I think being jealous of a guy who last boinked your girl nine years ago and is boinking someone else now counts as unreasonable. I especially can't stand anyone who can't stand it if their SO is around someone with opposing genitalia at all, which this is kind of reminiscent of.

But then again, I don't understand jealousy anyway. If the person you're jealous of is getting no physical affection or attention, and you are getting all of it from your SO, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU JEALOUS OF?! Really, you're just so fucking insecure that you think the girl would run off with the homeless guy across the street if he cocked a finger at her. And if you're jealous because *gasp* you're not her first guy ever, GET OVER IT! This is the modern era, Diana Spencer-types are rare and found in strict religious communities these days, and she probably wasn't your first girl, either.

In this situation, it's fucking ridiculous to think that the girl's going to be fucking her ex in the bathroom while his fiance makes dinner. The romance is OVER. And I think it's "disrespectful" for a guy to assume that I (or any girl he's with) is so untrustworthy that the second I'm around another guy, I'll start fucking him, and that I just can't say no. What does that say about me? Nothing nice. Do I want to be with someone who thinks that about me? HELL NO. And I am not going to indulge anyone's "jealousy" by "respecting their wishes," because that sets a bad precedent. Which is one of those signs of abusive behavior, anyway.

12:50 p.m. Some random guy in a brown suit walked by, didn't knock on the door. Apparently he was just lost. *sigh* I want him to go away, every time he passes my window I freak out.

12:53 p.m. GO AWAY, BROWN SUIT MAN! STOP WALKING BACK AND FORTH IN FRONT OF MY DOOR MAKING NOISE! WHOEVER YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, THEY ARE PROBABLY NOT HERE! GO AWAY!!!!

1:08 p.m. Someone upstairs is hammering. I don't need to tell you what this is doing to my mental state.

1:15 p.m. What the hell time does Heather have to get up at, anyway? I swear her alarm's gone off three times (at least she's not hitting snooze) in the last three hours.

2:08 p.m. Finally waited untili the heater was off and things were dead quiet, checked outside, checked the door to see nothing there, and quickly peed. When I returned, the US Mail truck was back and parked in front.

Jesus fucking Christ, does this drag on.

Will I be shot for saying that today? Probably, but at least it will put me out of my misery.

I think Heather is finally waking up, or at least I heard the noise of the cats being fed.

2:11 p.m. Perhaps I should just give up and have a drink. An alcoholic drink. Hell, I'm seeing the family today anyway, and oddly enough, alcohol doesn't make me pee too much.

2:22 p.m. And Heather's out the door- apparently she was supposed to be at work at 2 and only woke up at 2:04. Oops.

2:36 p.m. Now that Heather's gone, I changed out of my (not getting used today) gym clothes and into the traveling outfit. Also opened up a wine cooler. Clearly, UPS is just not fucking going to come, so what does it matter if I pee?

2:58 p.m. Website STILL not updated. This was the same damn website that even updates on a day they aren't trying to deliver a package. And yet, nothing whatsoever today. What the fuck gives?

They are so not coming today. There's no way in hell, I think. Fucking A, what a waste of my time. At least I didn't sit outdoors all day or else I'd be even more homicidal.

Have now broken open the turkey jerky and am debating whether or not to make "real food" now or in an hour or so.

At least my stuff other than the laptop and the skirt I'm knitting is packed.

3:27 p.m. Have turned on TV again, finally, albeit on low volume. Eh, I already know how Survivor ended this week anyway.

3:35 p.m. I give up. I am just going to post this entry and fucking forget keeping track. UPS is, as usual, not showing up at my home.

FUCKERS.

I will leave you with this amusing quote from Booksquare:

"We lead a fascinating life. Every moment is something to be documented and explored. For example, this morning, we headed straight for the refrigerator and pulled out the juice (not that juice). Normally, we wait until after our first cup of coffee before we hit the hard stuff. This pattern shift surely portends great things for our future, and we will continue to monitor the situation."

Edited to add...

4:03 p.m. The UPS man comes. "I think I have the wrong address," he says. "Nope, that's me," I said.

And I have my book.

Phew.


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