Chaos Attraction

The Thanksgiving Play, Hollywood Edition

2021-03-25, 10:12 p.m.

I have tomorrow off for Cesar Chavez Day, i.e. The One Holiday We Have That Everyone Else Doesn't. So of course an avalanche of urgent crap comes in the last 3 hours of the day, especially in the last 20 minutes when my boss (who seems to have been AWOL most of the day on Slack? Dunno what's up) rolled in about 4:40 to ask how it was going, and then was all "Has anyone checked X" and I said "Yes, everyone else did it yesterday," but I looked again and 26 more problems came in since then and all of it has to be done on Monday and ARGHHHHHHHHHH.

I also had someone who is getting snotty at me because she can't get her Important Document until she pays money she owes (she originally claimed she paid it and I was all "um, nope, you are not marked off as paid" yesterday) and she doesn't think she should have to pay it and blah blah rant rant and she has to have the Important Document or else her pay gets docked so send it now, please. Stupid rules say I can't. FORWARDING TO MY SUPERVISOR even though really, I think this chick needs to call the financial office and rant to them instead. Like, I don't get what the heck her situation was and she describes it in a very strange manner, but anyone who is all "I shouldn't have to pay!" needs to go have it out with the people who seem to think she should, since they are the ones insisting on it. And, well, good luck with that shit.

Anyway: been sick of work all day and now I am done for three days YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I am happy to announce that everyone in California is eligible for a shot as of April 15. THANK FUCKING GOD PLEASE HAVE ALL MY FRIENDS GET VACCINATED PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOD I MISS PEOPLE.

Tonight I watched The Thanksgiving Play (again? my third time seeing it and the second time seeing it within a year), because of the casting of this one. KEANU REEVES IS IN THIS SUCKER, along with Heidi Schreck, Bobby Cannavale and Alia Shawkat.
They started it out with objects on sticks and "On the fifth day of Thanksgiving, the natives gave to me.... Heidi's the lady teacher, and oddly enough Bobby is the hippie boyfriend (I was totally assuming that'd be Keanu, am disappoint).
Seriously, Keanu started out on mute LOLOLOLOLOL. He looks absolutely scruffed out and seriously, why isn't he playing the hippie boyfriend?!?! Not to rag on Bobby, but seriously, he is so New Yawk Guy he does not pass as someone who cares about vegan anything.
I will note that Alia Shawkat is also looking rather scruffed out. That's certainly a choice. The other two times I've seen this show, the actress character has been all vain and shallow and primping and made up to the gills, whereas I get the feeling that other than putting on a lovely purple sweater, this Alicia just kinda rolled out of bed fifteen minutes ago with birdnest hair. (Not that I can judge, I guess.)
"Can you put the script in the chat? I don't really do attachments." LOL THIS IS A SUPPOSED TO BE ON ZOOM SHOW THIS TIME. Explains her going on about the LA time zone. Alia is seriously BIRDNESTING HER HAIR AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
Oh, they're trying to plan for a future show in November in this one! (Duh?) I'm assuming Larissa Fasthorse actually adjusted this play? The last version of this I saw at Acme didn't have it pandemic specific.
Alia's Alicia seems....I dunno, a bit more on the ball than the usual sort, if kinda, I dunno, zone-y and a bit sleepy.
Keanu is all "Fun fact!" and "There is drama galore!" about things. Well, I guess he's enjoying himself.
"Frozen turkey bowling!" "This is your family tradition?" "My mom grew up in Iowa, so it probably worked better there" than in LA, Alicia says.
Jackson the hippie guy pretends to meditate or something.
"Is Lumiere a real candlestick?" "Actually, he kinda was." "And that whole Pocahontas cast was Filipino."
"Teacher Tip: For fun, have the kids sing "Injun" instead of Indian. My kids loved it."
I have to note that Alia Shawkat's hair is really too short to "flip."
"Hey Logan, can we get swords delivered to our homes?" "NO." LOLOLOLOLOL.
"Playwriting is a secret dream of mine." "You told us that in the first two minutes."
And now we know why Keanu wanted the history teacher part, because he gets to talk about Native American heads. They play imaginary head throwing (or "frozen turkey bowling!") over the Internet.
"Hey, I went by the pronoun they for an entire year!" Bobby: "Do you know how hard it is to feel less than as a straight while male?" Keanu: "I have."
THIS IS THE LOUDEST MEDITATION YOU'VE EVER HEARD, OUT OF BOBBY CANNAVALE. Keanu has NO IDEA how to meditate and just faceplants on his keyboard.
"Final assignment: Have the children write letters of apology to the Native Americans."
Alia shoves her face up to the screen and tries to cry on command. I'm not sure if I could even see that over people sending emojis over it.
"Caden, you horny man, you wrote a sex comedy!" "It's a children's show."
OH DEAR LORD, THE CARVING OF THE BREAST. "The SCREEN is the play?!" Oh look, actual Native American drumming at the end of the show! That's new.


The rest of Women's Storytelling:

MJ Kang: wanted to go to Hebrew school and get a bat mitzvah. Darn it! Later, she marries a Jewish guy, she's converted, and this year her kid was supposed to have her bat mitzvah, but of course that didn't happen.

Jennifer Munro: "What I didn't need was an upgrade. What I needed was an apology, and dinner." She was getting on a plane while hungry, thought her husband had upgraded her to first class and then the stewardess is all "You can't do that." Lady also says she can't complain unless she gets off the plane, so she gets off, and then the stewardess gives someone else her ticket. "Any further back, I'll be sitting on the damn toilet." Then the stewardess refuses to even let her on the flight. Finally she gets back on again and everyone wants to stone her, and "they tut-tutted as I sat down." The pilot blames her for delaying the flight. Later, she demanded an apology and got a "carefully written" one eventually. A year later, she finally gets upgraded on a flight.

Donna Washington: that story about the lady who didn't realize lesbianism was an option until she went to Vegas, I think I recapped it last weekend ;) "This woman had never been more than 10 miles from home, and they flew her to Las Vegas." "There were a group of women, having a very private moment, in public." "I wish I had known THAT was an option." "Keep your options open as many ways as you can," she closes.

Jane Dorfman: got assaulted by a bunch of boys and pushed and shoved around. "I heard his pants zipper go down, and he grabbed my face--" OH JESUS. When meeting with the vice principal, her mother grabs the boy, says if she ever hears that he did it again, she'll cut his dick off, and then tells off the dad about how the cuts on Jane's face are from their son's zipper. Two other kids come in and testify as to who else was involved, and the head asshole is taken away by the police "as the whole school watched." The captain of the lacrosse team and other girls protect her on the bus. Another guy leaves her a bus apologizing and saying a good man would have done more (though he did testify). The asshole never came back to school, and the other boys were out suspended for a long time and were totally shamed and dumped by everyone upon their return. THIS IS THE HAPPIEST POST-ASSAULT STORY I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE OMG OMG.

Mo Reynolds: "Like every other American, she went through a Hamilton phase," the producer says, and says she herself is still in a Hamilton phrase. (I'm still singing "Helpless" in my head a lot and I just looked up "Your Obedient Servant" on genius.com for my blog, hahahahah.) Mo is doing a Revolutionary War rap here, I can't recap that!

Megan Hicks: as a teenager, when JFK died, her parents were uh....racists and upset about him and LBJ. Oy. "Our next door neighbor could not contain her glee. Hasn't he been asking for it all these years?" (EWWWWWWWWW.) "He got what he was asking for. You DO NOT CHALLENGE THE STATUS QUO WITHOUT MAKING YOURSELF A TARGET. Do you understand, Megan?" her dad said. Then she went to college and was boggled. And then Robert Kennedy gets killed. She hears this while alone on her car, with nobody around to tell her what to think. "I knew it was obscene for speaking up and standing your mind to be grounds for homicide. Making your argument shouldn't get you shot!" It was her first political statement.

Kim Weitkamp: Entering a "false reality," like a amusement park or a festival or something. "Somehow you need to buy the 3 foot high Dr. Seuss hat. Do you need that on an ordinary day? No!" "There are only three things that tell the truth: drunks, children, and jeggings."

Sheila Arnold: some poor girl barely makes the train on a way to a job interview, and then her period hits. A nice lady provides her with a tampon and some boys are trying to harass her to get out. The conductor lady is all IS THERE A PROBLEM HERE?!" to the boys to get them to buzz off. When she finally gets out of the bathroom, the ladies reassure her about her job interview and one of them escorts her over.


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