Chaos Attraction

Solo to Sacramento

2012-03-26, 7:55 p.m.

So, about four months after I started driving alone, I went to Sacramento by myself and back for the first time-- WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER!!!! Huzzah!

I went to the gym for a weightlifting class (5 people at it) and then rented the car. I went to the car museum because they were supposed to have an exhibit on VW Beetles, which I love. I managed to get there and find the place with no problems--my GPS cooperated wonderfully today!-- but the actual museum was rather a disappointment. Pretty much a giant warehouse with cars parked and not that much else. As for the VW's...there were not very many of them at all. I felt sad. I think I left the place after about fifteen minutes. I think I'm glad I didn't bring Mom with me because if you take her to a museum she's there for hours on end reading every sign, and for once even I didn't do that here.

However, while driving there, I realized a problem: Zipcar requires that you leave a minimum of a quarter tank of gas left, and this was the first that uh...that was all that was left in the car. Which I did not notice until I was mostly there on the freeway, which meant I was about down to an eighth of a tank. Most of the time I look at this before I take off, but I'm used to the car not being totally low on gas before I got there, and this time, um...crap. I've had some issues finding gas tanks that will accept the Zipcard gas payment card, and last time I ran into this problem in a car (oh, last Thursday) I couldn't find a gas station in Woodland where the card worked, so I ended up just driving back to my town and hitting the gas station that I know accepts them. I had about 2.5 hours left on the reservation and while I could theoretically try to drive the hell back to town and hope the gas held out, I would rather find somewhere in Sac. Thankfully, my phone found a nearby gas station and I eventually found a pump that would take the dang card and fill it up all the way. PHEW PHEW PHEW.

With the time I had left, I hit the local yarn shop, which I've only been to twice before when I could get a ride over there. I picked up some new needles, some green roving to do some felting with, and a needle felting doodad. Which took me, oh, an hour because I looked through the entire store and all of the patterns. I had forgotten what it was like to go to a proper yarn store with well, super expensive yarn. (Some day, when I am a millionaire, then I shall buy Noro Silk Garden and all of the other super expensive rainbow yarn that is like $15-35 a skein, in small amounts of yardage. But until then...) There's a 'make a dragon" contest at the CC this quarter, and felting is one of the ways I've pondered doing it, so at least I've got the stuff now.

I headed back early-- and uneventfully!-- and hit Safeway for sandwiches before taking the car back. Then I went to another dance class at the gym. Good times! I really should throw a fucking party or something to celebrate this. Months after the first time I tried this and had a giant meltdown, I at least managed it alone! Okay, so so far I've hit downtown rather than places farther in and with more complicated freeway changes, but...those days will come.


And much as I hate to buzzkill on this particular entry, Mom went fucking crazy last night and I need to vent.
So months ago, my cousin Alicia, who lives in Folsom and goes to grad school in the Bay Area (seems a little nuts to me, but whatever) ended up with some kind of class schedule where she has a late night class one day and then an 8 a.m.-er the next. She asked my mom if she could spend the night there once a week for the season. I thought, BAD FUCKING IDEA from the getgo, told Mom she should say no, etc., but of course Mom doesn't do such a thing. And Alicia has no idea that Mom's a hoarder and there is stuff all over the damn place. Forget the guest bedroom, I've had to sleep in Mom's bed when I'm there since about 2005. You can't get into any other bedroom in the house. You can't sit on furniture without moving a pile of shit. Mom doesn't allow people into the house. And she still said no, everything is totally fine, I'll have it done by then?!

See, this is why I hate positive thinkers. Because then the following drama happens:

As far as I've seen, Mom has done jack shit about this stuff (as of the last time I went there). She has the delusion that she'll just put stuff in the garage. Unless she stops putting both cars in the garage, let me assure you that there is no room for that in there. I told her she should put stuff in the storage unit, since clearly that's never being gotten rid of in this family (but at least some of the horrors have been removed, so there'd be room). She won't listen to me about that. I believe Alicia's first day of class is something like the first week of April. And I gather Mom hasn't started cleaning until oh, this weekend. She won't tell me how much she's done.

Where this came up is that Jackie has been bugging me to go see her oh...every weekend for the last month...and of course, since I have the free time at the end of the month and she's off work...we're at this again. So when I called Mom to ask about this, she was all, "oh goodie, you can help me clean! I need some hellllllp..." And thus commenced three hours of her yelling at me when I said, "Never mind, I don't want to spend the entire weekend in the house trapped with you as you scream at me." Hours of "Why can't you help me? You never help me. I will do anything for you and you do nothing for me. Why won't you do anything for me?" And when I said, "I would if you'd just stop screaming at me at every possible opportunity for hours on end while we "clean." and you keep refusing to get rid of anything whatsoever," she started in on "Why can't you give me another chaaaaance? Why won't you trust me?" You've had five hundred billion chances and blown every damn one with screaming. I do not remotely think that there is a possibility out there of us spending 48 hours together happily cleaning and cleaning getting done and me keeping my mouth shut and her not screaming at me for doing everything wrong. Yes, sure, there might be a 1% chance of this, but you know what? I don't trust to those odds and I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO. No, I won't give you another chance. I don't want to come visit if it's gonna be Cleaning and Screaming Weekend.

This led into, "Why can't you just do as I say?" I don't have an answer to that one, other than "I'm not a fucking mindless robot programmed to obey," and I told her that I'd voluntarily get a lobotomy if it would turn me into the mindless automaton of her dreams just so we'd never have this fucking fight again. I suck at blind robotic obedience, especially when she's spewing crazy at me in a high pitched loud voice. I wish I could 100% suppress and obey, but I can't. I believe my favorite part of the argument was her wishing I was a boy because a boy would be more obedient.

Basically, three hours of psycho behavior. OH GOODIE. And Jackie's calling met YET AGAIN about this stuff and I'm not calling her back even though I should, and I just want to cancel because I can't go see her every weekend even if I wanted to spend every weekend in the Bay Area (and if I did, I would have long since moved back. Guess what, I don't.). Because I can't see her without seeing Mom (no, I can't overnight at her house), and I can't take this fucking crazy this frequently. And saying no is going to cause MOAR DRAMA, and if I say yes there is MOAR DRAMA, and either way someone's pissed off at me.


Oh yeah, and Mom left me voice mail saying that she's going into SF on Saturday for her social life and she could drop me off...except if I go home, then crazy will still erupt on Sunday...


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