Chaos Attraction

Signs and (No) Shows

2021-03-26, 10:16 p.m.

Welp, had one of my weirder dreams ever. I dreamed that I went vibrator shopping WITH MY PARENTS (IRL, my dad...oh hell no) and all the vibrators I tested but one didn't work. Then we went to another store--it was some kind of general store, but with vibrators--and then my GRANDMA was along for the ride.... I never did find a decent one.

DREAMS ARE WEIRD, MAN. WHYYYYYYYYYYYY.

It is windy AF today, uck. It's supposed to be in the 70's at some point today and you cannot tell. I did go look for the "flamingo house" Doreen mentioned and I did find it, and it is flamingoes decked out for St. Patrick's Day. Adorable, and I took photos. I thought I'd go hang out outside on the patio later, but it was so windy just going in and out of the car I was all, fuck it.

I went to the yarn store today. I did not see Scott. Don't know if he wasn't in at all or just didn't come out (wouldn't surprise me if his mom went into the back, said "Jen's in here," and he stayed in, I did wonder when she briefly went in back) or whatever, but I didn't ask or try either. Briefly talked to his mom about my new sweater and she mentioned to the other employee that I make him stuffed animals and she likes my work. I got in and got my needles and some yarn and got out, more or less. Very few people in there--I think just me, his mom and dad and the other employee, maybe one other person. No panic on that score, at least.

Then I went to Krispy Kreme and yes, they are cheerfully handing out the free donut for vax card. (And they liked my sweater.) This was my first outside food in a year and it was DELICIOUS. I had to walk in in person since this one didn't have a drive through, but there was only one other guy in there, keeping his distance, everyone was masked, yay.

Saw Reggie on my way in the door, told him what I'm getting up to later, which never happened.

Signs I saw while I was out:
* a license plate that said something like "4UL(heart)GOD"
* heart shirt on the employee that waited on me
* a heart and love casino ad
* I was driving behind a truck with a Love's flap all the way home.
* A license plate that said "2 M E G."

And that's quite enough Outside for the day.

Was supposed to meet up with Jade on Zoom today to rehearse my audition, but she apparently had a bad day and forgot, then said can we get online, then never did....so yeah, I moved on to watching television the rest of the day. I did actually hike around the apartment to get 6000 steps in, at least, I haven't done that in most of the last 3 weeks. Also, Meg's other son (in Washington) broke his arm as badly as my dad did back in the day, so she's out until April 1, she says.

I decided to time how long it took me to make one of the Arne and Carlos Easter eggs uninterrupted (instead of my usual bouncy ball attention span shit) and the answer is, two hours exactly, stuffing and sewing together and all. So, good for me there. I've got 6 out of 12 done now, two of them today. I watched Operation Varsity Blues during this, obviously not taking notes because I was busy, but I really enjoyed it. Then I went back to watching Staged again, which mostly got recapped so not doing it again. Fun fact: every time I watch Staged, I dream about having a threesome with the Tennants. I'm not sure if this is more or less weird than the vibrator dream.

Other stuff I watched below:

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: "Star-Spangled Man."
Meet the new Captain America! He seems nice enough so far? Of course he's blonde and named "John Walker," one of the most generic white guy names you could ever come up with.
This football game appearance is somehow reminding me of all the times the original beat up Hitler onstage.
"Do eagles fly overhead wherever you go?" "Yes."
"What I do have is guts."
Bucky mopes on the floor. Later he finds Sam and confronts him, and Sam says he's brokenhearted, but what, he can't call up and change his mind. Sam is all, don't tell me what to do, it's over, he has bigger things to deal with now, like looking for that bad guy in the Flag Smashers.
The Big Three: "androids, aliens, and wizards." "Every time we fight somebody, it's one of the three." LOL.
Bucky knows a cultural reference! Gandalf! How very "I got that one."
"I'm coming with you!" "No, you're not!" AND THE BUDDY COP SHOW I WAS WAITING FOR FINALLY BEGINS YESSSSS.
"I have a plan." "Really, what is it?" (Sam jumps out of a plane without answering.) LOL. Chute, schmute, who needs a chute?
"You're doing the staring thing again." LOL.
"And I can fly, who gives a shit?" HERE HE COMES TO SAVE THE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY ACTUAL CAPTAIN AMERICA IS ON HIS WAAAAAAAAAAAY or just dropped in with a helicopter and introduced himself politely.
"That little girl kicked yo' ass."
"Could have used that shield."
Captain America tries to drive by and pick the bros up, they keep walking.
"It's one of the big three, aliens, androids, or wizards." "THERE ARE NO WIZARDS." "Okay, so it's either aliens or androids."
"You ever jump on a grenade?" "Yeah, I have, four times."
"Does he always just STARE like that?" "You get used to it."
"We can't let the assholes who got put back into power after the Blip win." Hm, perhaps that's a good point.
"My daddy told me it's BLACK Falcon." "So are you like, Black Kid?" Good point.
"If by 'met' you mean, WHUPPED YOUR ASS."
"You think you can wake up one day and decide who you're gonna be?" That's a long point of debate, sir.
A cop comes up while Sam and Bucky argue. Sam doesn't have ID and doesn't wanna produce any. Bucky is all DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS and after another cop points it out, uh.... Meanwhile, Bucky just missed his therapy and he's under arrest. Welp, this seems ironic on a lot of levels that the white guy just got arrested.
HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAAAAAY CAPTAIN AMERICA GETS BUCKY OUT OF JAIL. "You too, Sam, that's NOT a request," grumps the therapist. Sam calls Bucky "Freaky Magoo." ????? The Miracle Question: if you woke up and a miracle happened, what do you want? FOR HIM TO SHUT UP, they both say. Soulmates, man. "You leave me no choice: the soul gazing exercise." LOLOLOLOL. AND A MILLION FANFICS ARE BORN OF THESE GUYS AND THEIR LEGS TOGETHER. ALL THE STEVE/BUCKY SHIPPERS ARE NOW REPLACED BY SAM/BUCKY SHIPPERS. "Are you having a staring contest? Just blink. SWEET JESUS." I fucking love this show, I am laughing my head off so hard. "AND DON'T SAY SOMETHING CHILDISH." "THANKS, DOC, FOR MAKING IT WEIRD. I FEEL MUCH BETTER." LOLOLOLOL LOVE THIS SHOW. This is exactly what I wanted. "I feel better." "I feel awful." OH LOOK, MORE COPS AND CAPTAIN AMERICA AGAIN. Okay, so never mind on that teamup idea, I guess.

I finally watched the end of Superstore. I should have taken notes during that because it was really touching. The severed feet thing came back again (of course), as did Amy (duh), and the first interviews were hilarious. Garrett dressed up, Amy thought she'd go to college, Jonah just wanted to go a few months without using his brain.... Dina just straight up asked Garrett to be her boyfriend and he's all yeah, and I'm like, daaaaamn. Amy, of course, Has Regrets about moving and dumping Jonah. Why did he, a guy who never stays anywhere, stay here? "Why do you think, Amy?" She said she thought he was the most annoying person she'd ever met (unsurprising). "I hated that you believed life could be better than it was." Well, her life improved, anyway.... Anyway, they kiss and then get interrupted with a question about menstrual cups. Garrett does one final signoff. Fast forward: Glenn opens a store, Dina runs the fulfillment center, Amy gets another job and marries Jonah, Jonah runs for office, parties are thrown, post-pandemic, one assumes. OH GOD THAT LOOKS NICE. I'm going to miss this show. It was really great. It was really well done.

Dear Carolyn: How can I walk away from a relationship that I'm not ready to let go of yet? I am not being treated well. The guy just hasn't made me a priority in his life, and everyone tells me I need to walk away.
The problem is that I am not ready to let go. I still have that hope in my heart that we'll work out, and I have absolutely no interest in meeting anyone else. Am I crazy for hanging on?
— Starving for His Attention

Starving for His Attention: Certainly you’re going to let go only when you’re ready to, or when the intrigue supply dwindles, whichever comes first. If my calling you crazy will move things along, then, sure, I’m at your service. You know, to help. But I doubt it will.
What will help, I think, when it dawns on you, is that people can be busy; people can be slow to date, slow to trust, slow to find you physically attractive; people can be confused, distracted, scarred, grieving — all of them openings for optimistic projection. But when they enjoy somebody’s company, they seek it. Unless he’s transparently happy to see you, don’t weigh yourself down with hope.

Good point.


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